Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative


Glass Half Full.

by Tanishka


Staring at the sea,

The world 's seeming eternity,

Gleaming in its serenity

Is this eternity,life's faithful plea.

                                                                        Back in the city

                                                                        On the edge of the shore,

                                                                        For some, life is woe

                                                                        Others-beauty and worth , all they know .

Back in the homes,

Of all the people

On the slums and palaces with domes,

Life knocks , the good and bad days both

It brings, its gifts for all.

                                                                          Life's reality

                                                                          Bitter-sweet and sour.

                                                                          This life of ours,

                                                                           Grim shades of fall,

                                                                           Sometimes,season of spring for all.

The sea, the city, the world unknown

All drowned in a glass of creation, 

Creations of the great unknown.

The glass half full,

Life-dumb and beautiful,

A glass half full.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
46 Reviews


Points: 650
Reviews: 46

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 8:12 am
Gravitem wrote a review...



Your title may be "glass half full" but your poem certainly was filled to the brim with a lot of meaning and ideas. I love the poem. It has its pleasant bits that talk about equally unpleasant things.

It talks about how fortune alternates between the onesw that are gifted and the ones that work hard to be in equal favour as those who are gifted, and of course the ones who are never able to reach that level.

Now looking at the idea you were chasing, it seems to me like you have divided this glass into two halves and made each half a segment of society. And the alternation is nothing but alternating of the full segment of the glass itself. Please tell me if I am not making sense or if I've made a mistake.

I think this is a beautiful attempt at sending a message and I wish your message fills every corner of this world where another's life is an excuse for leverage. (I should write a poem lol. You've INSPIRED ME!!!!!!)

There is however, one thing you could work on. It is your rythm. There is a breaking of rythm in the third verse where there is a fifth line. Now it could been rythminc if you maybe sort the previous ideas in a more simple way. I hope you get what I mean.

I really enjoyed the poem.

Keep writing!!!

Yours sincerely,
Grav :D




Tanishka says...


thank you:)



User avatar
160 Reviews


Points: 8923
Reviews: 160

Donate
Sun Apr 05, 2020 2:10 pm
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hi Tanishka! Whatchamacallit here for a review.
This a nice poem with a good message behind it!

The first thing I would like to address is your rhyming scheme. There doesn't seem to be a solid pattern between stanzas. This is how your stanzas look if matching rhyming words are assigned the same letters:
abba
--cc
d-d--
-eeff
g-ghhh
As you can see, there isn't really a pattern. You can either try to rearrange things and find different words to rhyme, or you can just cut out the rhyming element altogether. Poems don't have to rhyme.

I have just one nitpick for grammar.
"It brings , its gifts for all" <- the comma is unnecessary

Another thing I would suggest is using the half-full/half-empty comparison. You could give reasons for why people think it's a glass half-empty, and then make an argument for why you call it a glass half-full. But that is totally optional and up to you.

That's it for my review! I hope you found it helpful, and of course you don't need to make any of the changes I suggested if you don't want to. Keep writing poetry!

Whatchamacallit




Tanishka says...


Thanks:D



Tanishka says...


Thanks:D



Tanishka says...


Thanks:D



User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 1261
Reviews: 54

Donate
Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:13 pm
BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...



Hi! I like this. This is so optimistic and I feel hopeful reading this. The lens we wear matters so much in life. I like your thoughts and ideas. The theme you have focused on is my favorite.
You focused on both positive and negatives of life and that is what I like. Although, I like the poem but I love the last stanza. I can't stop reading that.
The rhyming is on point. The poem is well-written and the message you want to convey is delivered to your readers.
Great job! And always keep writing from your heart.
From: Bhavya.




Tanishka says...


Thank you Bhaiya :D





Your Welcome!




Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis