Young Writers Society

Hi @Tanishka! Beautiful poem!

Hands,strickingly cold

To one’s eyes lies are told.

In our dying breath and hopes,

Even the wind goes.

I like your use of rhyme between "eyes" and "lies" since it's a bit unusual and it surprises the reader. That's what makes a poem stand out and the reader to learn more. The unusualness. In fact, this is really similar to a line from one of Edgar Allen Poe's Poems "Annabell Lee". In it, he said "Ever Dissever" and it was really fun to say. What I'm trying to say is that yes, a poem should usually have good rhyme and rhythm structure, but the more unusual it is, the more attractive and intuitive it will seem. Good work!

‘None for anyone’

Is this world’s reality.

Everything’s undone

When you see this reality.

I would have preferred if you didn't use "reality" twice here since it's redundant, but that's not a huge deal.

You’ve nothing to hold,

Nothing do I own,

For in our dying breath and hopes

Even the wind goes.

I like the similarities here from the first stanza. First, the repeated use of the last line "Even the wind goes." Please take in mind that there is a difference between redundancy and repetition. For example, earlier when you used "reality" twice, that was redundancy. There was no actual meaningful use of the word, so it was a bit annoying to the reader. However, here when you use "Even the wind goes" the same as from the first stanza, you give the reader a bit of A-ha! when they recognize the line. In addition, you also titled the poem "Even the wind goes" so that was nice too.

Anyways, I hope you were satisfied with this review!

Cheers and Eggs!
Yoshi