Collision of days
The father of the forest,
In which I was a seed,
And now my leaves collide with thee.
Our days together,
Some past of mine,
Some future of thy.
My life burns bright
By your radiant light.
A gem,to which I came,
And now it makes my world shine,
But I like the cool shade,
Of your foliage.
Thy soul,imbedded in mine,
As in all of us,
Like a fire in ice,
Your days with mine,
A collision by fate,
The remnants of which,
My life shall take.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Well, not here for a review..but this poetry is really really sweet. Writing a poem about someone who happens to be your family member, is something that I also do and let me tell you that those poems are the ones that I keep close to my heart always.
Great Poetry!!
Keep Writing!!
Ishan
Well, not here for a review..but this poetry is really really sweet. Writing a poem about someone who happens to be your family member, is something that I also do and let me tell you that those poems are the ones that I keep close to my heart always.
Great Poetry!!
Keep Writing!!
Ishan
Thank you
Hello there Theia. I’m Morgan (I’m new) and I am really heart-felt at the moment, just to let you know.
I guess I came to review this because I saw that it was meant for your grandfather. I was like, “awwwwww. How sweet!”
Anyway, where was I? Oh right. Review time!
SO yeah, like I said, this was a really touching poem. I got the idea and I was curious to see how you would bring that upon. I like the fact that you added some “thy” and “thee” which was the bomb. I like that when people do it. Anyway, all I would say is that you got a few space correcting to do and that’s pretty much about it.
For the suggestions that I have: I was looking for the part that would’ve been about what you and grandpa did together. Your favorite moments with him and how you felt about those times, but if you don’t want then that I am totally cool with it. This is YOUR poem and about your beloved family member and I don’t want to change that. I just thought maybe by putting these parts in, it would help you remember those important moments and it’ll make you love this poem even more. I don’t want this to be just something you post for everyone else to read. It should be about you and your self.
So that’s all I gotta say. I adored this poem and it has such family love that it made me feel a warm sensation vibrate in my body. I think you did marvelous...so great job! I’d ove to read more poem by you in the future.
Thankyou for the reply.
Theia,
Let me start by saying, BEAUTIFUL POEM YOU HAVE WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the figurative language you used like:
Thy soul,embedded in mine,
So beautiful. I really wish I had a grandfather left to write for. I'm sure he's so proud of you!! Another thing would be that you have tons of commas making it seem like one super long sentence. The places where you did put periods worked perfectly!
This is my absolute favorite part:
My life burns bright
By your radiant light.
Your poem has reminded me to appreciate those people who have given me my life. Thanks for that!
Great job!!
~Giginicole <3
Thanks for the advice%uD83D%uDE0A.
you're welcome!