Thought it was life....
Struggling, I reached the peeping hole,
Bright light,could not see more.
The light brightened my memory,
The light was all in my memory.
Years later,now I bend down,
To peep,but the light I don't see
I thought it was life,
Life,I don't see.
Once the light blinded me,
Now darkness is around.
I thought, be vociferous,
But,then,the light didn't know any sound.
Now, I open my eyes and see,
Sometimes I want to scream
But my voice is lost in jungle,rust
But I thought life it was.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello,
I really like the metaphor of light that you thought was life as it feels like the way I kind of think about the light I know I used to have. I'm still sort of hanging on to that idea that the light is life and I'll only be me again once I've got it back but then I think of something someone said to me recently that really made me think. They said that the darkness is a part of who I am and the light is nice and all but it isn't me. And your beautiful poetry reminded me of that idea that we think the light is everything. We think the light is life. But when we stumble through the darkness we come to realise that the light could never define us. But in the darkness we are lost. We are alone. Because although the light wasn't life, it was ease and hope and happiness. And we don't have that at the moment. I'm holding on to the that idea that I will find the light again and I hope you are too. But the light was never deep enough to define us so we must embrace the darkness as well.
Hello,
I really like the metaphor of light that you thought was life as it feels like the way I kind of think about the light I know I used to have. I'm still sort of hanging on to that idea that the light is life and I'll only be me again once I've got it back but then I think of something someone said to me recently that really made me think. They said that the darkness is a part of who I am and the light is nice and all but it isn't me. And your beautiful poetry reminded me of that idea that we think the light is everything. We think the light is life. But when we stumble through the darkness we come to realise that the light could never define us. But in the darkness we are lost. We are alone. Because although the light wasn't life, it was ease and hope and happiness. And we don't have that at the moment. I'm holding on to the that idea that I will find the light again and I hope you are too. But the light was never deep enough to define us so we must embrace the darkness as well.
Hey!! I am Bell, and I am gonna try to review this beautiful piece for you.
First off, I want to say that I love how you formatted this, it fit it perfectly, and it looks nice, and easier to read.
It kind of reminded me of a fairytale, like Alice In Wonderland, of something.
Stuff that could be fixed:
Around the word "Then" I would get rid of the commas, or just the last set, because they are not completely necessary in a poem, you dont really need punctuation, and things like that.
with this, it didnt make very much sense to me. You could have added the word "The" between "in" and "Jungle". It would add to the flow of the poem as a whole.
I am going to have to end this here, because the bell is about to ring, and i have to go.
OVERALL:
I love this poem, it made me see what you were trying to say. Your wording, and imagry was amazing.
Keep writing,
~B E L L
Thanks for the review
NP!!
Hi @Theia Rav3nB1ack here!
This was a very intriguing piece of poetry, it has such a complex and metaphorical narrative that it made me wonder if there was more to this piece than meets the eye.
At first I thought this an Alice in Wonderland inspired poem due to the 'peeping hole', I thought that it was similar to the rabbit hole. But then you mentioned the light, which you referenced a lot in the poem.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that the light is supposed to symbolise life or hope. In the first stanza you describe that the light 'brightened' your memory, which to me describes when you have a sudden flash of a previous event/moment and for your character that moment was filled with hope. But like past moments do they fade and are forgotten, which you describe in the second stanza
I think this is a strong message about living the life to the fullest in a way, even if that was your intention or not.
Your format really stood out for me as well, though I struggled to find a clear reason as for why you chose to lay it out this way (I'm not that good at poetry xD).
But other than that I really enjoyed it, this was a very interesting read!
Keep Writing!
Thanks