A sweet, simple memory
Showed me this,
Every cloud has a silver lining,
Every storm, a resplendent ending.
No trust in my memories.
After all, how can one believe stories ?
The storm raged and bred
And left behind a stony wreck.
A wreck, I was
One which time couldn't have dealt.
To be honest, what I felt
Are ghastly memories, the untended past.
Everybody makes mistakes,
What I did, ghastly sins, pure mishaps.
Everywhere I go, the roads will tease me,
" Look at what you did, look at what you had."
Let's not talk about that
The future and the past,
The fear and the fought.
Let's feel what in this moment lasts.
And in this moment do I want to say,
What I've done, what I did,
Nay, what I shall do
Forgive me for everything,
As I am young and guilty too.
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi Tanishka!
The poem interested me. I see you brought up some commonly spoken consolations and tried to deconstruct them. I love the idea!
It makes sense. Some storms, even if they end, leave behind a mark in the form of memories that go unprocessed, untended for years and years. When we look above and rejoice the sunshine, maybe it's an act of denial. We refuse to acknowledge the ashes, the strength lost and the structures we must rebuild. In that sense, this part of the poem is about how always trying to see the silver lining in everything can be an unhealthy practice.
I think this is another attempt at a deconstruction. It's true that everyone makes mistakes but aren't everybody's mistakes different? Repercussion of some mistakes are too severe. Even if they're not, our brain may catastrophize. In those times, hearing someone say everybody makes mistakes is not that helpful. In my mind, that's what this is alluding to.
The poem does try to end on a more positive tone. The narrator accepts that they can't change the past and choose to do better at present. Although it's a positive message and a good ending for the narrator, I felt that it went against the theme established until that point. Because ignoring the past and focusing on the present can mean that the past (or the trauma/grief the narrator is dealing with) will remain unprocessed. But, of course, I could be looking at the poem completely wrong.
As I was reading, I felt this section didn't flow too well. I kind of got stuck at "in this moment do I want to say." It just took me by surprise. Leave it as it is if the section sounds right to you.
Overall, I enjoyed reading the poem. Even though the ending underwhelmed me, I loved the first half of it and what you tried to do there.
Keep on writing!
~MAS
Thanks MASTER
I meant MAS so sorry for the typo
It's alright and you're welcome!!
Hey there, Tanishka!
This poem is quite good! The emotions behind the words strike out at the reader, and it's also kind of relatable. I mean, since this is slightly abstract with the topic, it allows each reader to pick their own meaning from the lines. I really like that if it's done well.
I'm just going to point out a few things i think can be tweaked a little:
There could be a semi colon after "I was".
What do you mean, "Which time couldn't have dealt?"
The repetition of the word "ghastly" didn't do much good; try using another word.
How about a colon here?
That's it. I'm very picky with poems; I don't get too impressed very easily. But this one was really, really nice. I'm glad I read it.
Keep writing!
- Lee
Thanks for the advice , Lee