In Winter my house is happiness.
You can tell it
from my frozen pea toes
to the top of a hat capped head.
It's egg shaped smoothness
covered in gossamer hair cut short.
In Winter my house is a nursery.
Heat filled cheeks incubating the
ideas trickling from my teeth
to the tips of my fingers
on the keys of a computer.
In Winter my house is comfort.
Cool spaces
filled with just enough warmth to create currents of air
that follow me from room to room.
In Winter my house is a chapel.
Give glory in dance for days and never sweat from exertion.
Here movement is rest
and slumber is prayer.
Meditation is closing your eyes for a second to
turn the stiff yellow page of the book that raised you.
In Winter my house is protection.
Every surface a cocoon,
nestle inside and hide from what is lacking.
Heat
Love
Compassion
Pass by the days in hibernation.
It is safe.
We are happy.
We are home.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
This is Kaos here for a review!
The imagery is weird in the first stanza, but not really something that I would have thought of, it's in a new perspective. It brings a comfortable tone to the poem though the imagery isn't something that I can personally get into. I suggest adding punctuation to the poem, it doesn't have to be periods, but commas here and there would be nice. I didn't particularly like the first line in bold and it's something that I didn't throughout the whole poem because it's a bit broad and generic. If you're going to bold or highlight a line, I suggest making it something stronger even though it may have been your intention to make something broad.
The second stanza didn't really relate to winter for me? I didn't really feel the season being captured, not just here, but throughout the whole poem. There are a whole amount of things that you could use and describe, so there are a lot of different routes you can take. I suggest connecting this stanza better to winter with something of the outside being cold and the inside being a warm place or something of that sort. I didn't really know how writing relates to winter other than personal experience, which is something that I actually like and is strong in the poem.
The end of the poem was very generic to me, especially with the other stanzas being more individual and personal. I wanted you to have a stronger ending and to expand on your imagery, which is something that was lacking in this poem and it would help create more of the atmosphere that you're trying to build now. Sensory details would be heavily appreciated here since there's definitely room for that to come in since there are a lot of senses that could be filled here. What the outside looks like, how it smells inside, what the sound is, and so on. Give us a better ending than what you have here because it doesn't really do anything new or special.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Thank you for taking the time to review
I love this poem. I like how each stanza starts out with a bold line, that helps set the poem and stanza. I like the figurative language used throughout the poem, and the imagery contained in many stanzas. My favourite part was the last stanza, where you wrote “ …Heat Love Compassion… ” That helps the poem guide itself into the end. The wording is great in this poem. Good job!
Thank you for your review!