Face red, plum, hot,
like it’s ready to pop.
8 seconds in,
I hold myself,
But not still.
8 seconds past,
I vibrate as the air moves.
Now, I ponder on the physical.
Meta or not,
it’s one body I’ve got.
Lot of things riding on it too.
Too much?
Lay down.
Deadass, lay down.
Do you feel?
Hold yourself,
But not still.
8 seconds in.
8 seconds out.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Very energetic. The short lines work well for that, and it did well for you.
Red face line should be removed as well as the line that follows. It would work better because it does remove some symmetry.
hiya! i'm penn.
I'm going to be honest, the closest I've ever gotten to true meditation is sleep, so you're not hearing much criticism from me. But this is a nice way of describing it!
I like how as the conversation goes on, the meditator overwhelms themselves as soon as they talk about how the human body is not a true individual, but an ecosystem for far smaller, but no less consequential creatures than it. Then as soon as they realize that it's too much, they take a page out of everyone else's book and lies down.
It's short, curious, and honestly just a very pleasant read to me. Though, breathing in for 8 seconds makes my lungs hurt. Two thumbs up!
Ah yes,meditation.Not many of us have time for meditation,with everything that happens in our lives.If we see meditation as something necessary,like a meeting,then we’ll have time for it.I loved reading it,this poem was relaxing and calm.The poem itself was like a meditation.Great job on it! I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day/night!