Young Writers Society

Hello!
This was a very interesting poem! I think the subject of ancestry is always a very rich and worthwhile subject for a poem and this is no exception. I especially loved the detail of touching beadwork. that was a great sensory image that used both the senses of sight and touch. you had a few wonderful details such as this, like the image of the grass sprouting through concrete, but I'd always like to see more. imagery is your strongest tool! I was drawn to the title of this because of it's very effective sensory image.
I did feel like the rhyme and rhythm of this felt a bit forced and made the poem feel stuff and stale. Turns and rhythm are powerful told as well but they are so easy to get wrong. Keep experimenting with them, but also experiment with free verse and with ways to conceal your rhythm and rhyme so they create a pulse within the poem but do not strangle it. My favorite tool to accomplish this concealment is enjambment. I don't have the time right now to link you a resource about it, but if you comment and ask for it, I can find you one!
Keep experimenting and playing with poetry! You've got something really wonderful here!
-Rook

A beautiful piece with clever use of rhyming words. It wasn't too much-overwhelming-to read. Each verse had its own uniqueness and was a treat to read! I really love this sort of poems, where it seems nothing is happening but at the same time many things are happening.
Also the second last stanza was really gorgeous! I felt goosebumps reading it!
Thanks for reading such a wonderful poem. I hope you've a great day ahead <3

Good rhythm you’ve got going on. I honestly don’t like rhyming poems but you put so much power and pain into these lines, it was just absolutely enchanting. You painted a mental image wonderfully. I hope others take the time to read this and let it sink in.