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Storyteller Serves a Meal

by Mooilky


Storyteller threads the yarn

spins a worry-mending darn.

Storyteller won't eat food

their fork at rest, for now unused. 

Needle-fast stitched laughs in sides,

their table always occupied. 

Storyteller sends us off

bellies full, spirits aloft.

Storyteller, still awake

clears the table,

rinses plates,

dreams of things to share and say. 


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Points: 12
Reviews: 9

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Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:25 am
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Apehdavid2 wrote a review...



I really liked your poem! I think it's sophisticated though which is partially a good thing

One thing I really enjoyed about this poem was how you used line breaks to set the tone. It definitely felt unstable and a bit frantic at parts, which I felt really meshed with the idea of the poem quite well.. I liked how it was all just one stanza, too, cause it made it feel like one long cohesive thought that would mimic something like stressed thoughts going through a brain. Really nice work utilizing that structure to make the poem even more effective!

The one thing I would say is that there wasn't anything super unique in the poem. Normallyread a poem, there are a few lines that I'll pick out and say that I really like the phrasing of. I think you made some interesting and super effective choices in terms of the overall flow and line breaks, but the actual content... I think if you put in a slightly more striking or unexpected image or used some really strong words that go to the extremes, you could get that super punchy poem that readers don't tend to forget after reading.

Overall: nice work!! I think you've got some really great stuff here, and I think the relatability and the way you conveyed your message through the flow were some of the most outstanding parts of the poem. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!

Very good and laconic

[ Edit ]




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19 Reviews


Points: 376
Reviews: 19

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Sat Nov 20, 2021 1:24 am
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PoetryMisfit wrote a review...



Hi there.

I just wanted to leave a quick review. I really like your poem, the style reminds me of a bard or a court jester telling a riddle; it's light, fun, and delightfully perplexing.

I think you did a really great job using the metaphor of spinning a yarn throughout the story, and the verses flowed really well.

I do admit I had to read it about three times to fully understand all of the details, such as at one point I thought the storyteller was at an establishment telling a story to the narrator, but when I read the verse about the storyteller cleaning the dishes I got a little thrown. However, I could have just been reading too much into it.

All in all your poem is great and I hope you keep on writing!

Thanks,
Poetry Misfit




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93 Reviews


Points: 111
Reviews: 93

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Fri Nov 19, 2021 5:21 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I loved the poem.I thought it did nicely to explain the purpose and goals of the storyteller.The dishes symbolizes the stories the storyteller was telling.That’s another thing,I loved the use of symbolism in the poem.I thought it made the poem more enjoyable to read.A storyteller never rests,they always have new ideas to share with others.I hope you have a good day/night.




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429 Reviews


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Fri Nov 19, 2021 1:02 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Oh, I adore this poem!! I love how it just seemed to flow so naturally. It did such a nice job of evoking that feeling of comfort that comes from spending time with friends; it was overall such a happy, feel-good poem, and I really enjoyed reading it.

One thing I loved was that continued weaving/yarn/sewing imagery. Combined with your repetition, I think it provided a really nice visual to connect and improve the flow of the poem, and it had this delightful effect. I loved how you used "needle-fast stitched laughs in sides" to sort of get that double meaning while furthering your usage of sewing/knitting references. I also think your omission of an article before Storyteller really helped turn the storyteller into a singular character, which really added to that narrative aspect of this. Your title was also really stupendous; I loved that double meaning behind the meal they're serving, and how it could refer to both the literal food or/and perhaps the story that goes along with it. Really nice work!

The only thing I was a little iffy on was the ending. You built up this really nice rhyme scheme throughout the poem and then let it fall off at the end. I wondered if there was a reason to include three lines in the last rhyme instead of your usual two. I think it definitely made the ending stand out more, but to me, it almost came at the expense of a nice, round, satisfying ending which to me would have been more in tune with the overall tone of the poem. I'm curious as to what you intended with that!

Specifics

Storyteller won't eat food

their fork at rest, for now unused.


I especially felt like this line stood out to me. I felt that I could actually relate to it, which was an interesting experience in this more narrative-focused poem, but it reminded me of eating lunch with my friends and enjoying our conversation so much that I don't get to eat at all. I just really loved that small detail you incorporated. I think it only furthered that super lifelike environment in your poem.

Overall: really nice work! I think you did such a great job of evoking some really warm and happy feelings through this delightful poetry narrative. I hope to read more of your poetry sometime soon! Until next time!!




Mooilky says...


Hello! I changed up the rhyme scheme at the end to signify the change in pace that occurs when a gathering ends. Thank you for your review!




Journeys end in lovers' meeting.
— William Shakespeare