I knew I was mature when I stopped wearing two different-patterned socks.
I knew I was mature when I watched that scary movie and I never looked away.
I knew I was mature when I lost you-
And I didn't cry
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
*cry* *cry* *cry* don't say that. I love mismatched socks!
Just like the review below, I did also get confused at the second line.
Perhaps "looked away" isn't the right word to use in this context. It just doesn't go with the rhythm, or the beat of the poem that you had structured before, you get me?
Smart poem! Keep on Writin'!
I love that you are trying to bring forth meaning through simple words. I actually quite respect the poem and the fact that it has meaning that may not be seen. But as a fellow poet I cannot understand this line:
That line does not really display the significance of the line after it. I know maybe it had some other meaning, but I can't help but feel like anyone; a six year old child, could have written it. If I could ask, why did you decide to use that sentence?
Also, you put "dramatic" and I can't say that it's very dramatic. Maybe I don't understand the drama, but I don't feel it in the words. I don't see it in the text.
I really love the last line you put though. I feel like that could be poetry on it's own. And I am sure that is the reason most people decided to like this post. Now, I am not trying to be mean or anything, but try to think about why you wrote this, and about what you are trying to say. Poetry always is to say something.
Imagine if you had stopped writing at the second line. Imagine if you took away "I knew I was mature when I lost you- and I didn't cry" because if you imagine it and you think that the poetry sounds like any other sentences, then maybe it's not poetry. It can be, but I don't think they all completely fit, not the first line with the second, and not the second line with the third.
I understand how this can be beautiful, I understand how this is beautiful. But it could be more, and it should be, depending on why you wrote it and what it is you want to say.
I changed it a bit. Do you think it's better?
I like the change! (Sorry I think I was being rather harsh xP) I think it's good, here are some words to shorten it a bit though (but don't listen if you don't want to) "and never looked away" "and didn't look away" ...also try to ad more motion than just the crying you could put "and didn't scream", "and didn't run"
I really like your poem though. Thanks for listening. xD
*looks down at socks* blue and coral with hearts. I'm good.
Hey there! I really love the concept that you have here, and this is such a well thought-out poem. I really love that you're expressing exactly how you know you're mature.
My only criticism is that it doesn't feel like there's very much continuity in the format of this piece. The first two lines are grammatically correct and one whole straight line, whereas the third and fourth lines are fragmented and don't have periods. I know that you may be trying to emphasize the last part, which makes a lot of sense, but I think its strong enough that you don't really have to. I would suggest either fragmenting the whole poem, or making it all in three long lines.
Otherwise though, I really like this! Keep up the good work!
Wow, I never knew you could write poetry! This is really good! I absolutely adore the first line. My only complaint would probably be the second line. Watching a scary movie isn't necessarily a sign of maturity, and the other lines are so serious. Maybe you could say something like, "I knew I was mature when I watched that scary movie and didn't even cry." Otherwise, really nice! Keep writing (poetry)!
Thanks, I changed the second line.
Woah, you're in the literary spotlight! Congratulations!
Thanks
DUDE YOU'RE WRITING POETRY
AND IT'S GOOD
WHAT THE HELL
WRITE THIS MORE OFTEN
YOU'RE IN THE LITERARY SPOTLIGHT DUDE WHY DON'T YOU WRITE POETRY MORE OFTEN GAH
Hi
I liked this. Very short, very simple, yet effective in communicating the emotion behind it.
I could easily relate to the first line. I think it easily identifies where the poem wants to go: growing up changes you and sometimes you notice those changes in yourself because of little things, like not wearing mismatched socks anymore. The second line, however, is a bit less effective. There isn't anything that changed, the narrator simply watched a scary movie. What movie was it? Were they too afraid to watch it before and that's why it was a change? Perhaps you could describe how they reacted to the scary movie to show that they matured? By answering one or two of those questions you'll add dimension to the character of the narrator and imagery for the reader, to make the words more hard-hitting and memorable. You could do this for the first line, as well, because not every will be able to relate to that experience and they might need a bit more information or imagery to understand the direction of the poem.
I'm curious as to how the narrator lost this person mentioned. Death? Break up? Disappearance?
Why didn't they cry? Was it an abusive boyfriend? An old frenemy? Perhaps tell the reader more of the narrator's relationship with this person to develop that emotion.
Because the work was so short and stark, I was able to project my own emotion and experience onto it very easily, which can be a good thing, but I do think more imagery and information would go a long way with this poem.
Also, I've found that sometimes true maturity is being able to cry, even if the "grown-up" thing to do is to hide that emotion.
Great poem! Keep writing.
-Lucky_Duck
Thanks. I changed the second line.