The Daemon’s Bride
He works, shaping and crafting my future
happiness with His tools of science.
I watch, a foul smile on a foul face.
She will be like me, a shunned monster,
repulsive. And yet I see a beauty
in her half-finished form, in the dead flesh
sprawled on the blood-soaked table before me.
Frankenstein works, His weakened limbs tremble
as He surveys His second creation.
I watch, what is running through His mind?
Is it hatred? Fear? Both? What were His thoughts
when He was making me? Did the same shadow
flutter threateningly in the air? Or did
hope smother His garden of science?
Victor stops. His sight raises and He spots
me observing Him; Father and son.
I, like a twisted reflection of He, watch.
Something erupts in His dark eyes, and He
rips at, savages, and destroys my bride
to be. Treachery! - my slave has destroyed
me. I let out a howl of despair.
This little island, where the wind attacks
my frame, previously unable to
harm me, but now striking deep inside
my borrowed flesh. This land - barren
from animal and plant, unwanted
by all but humanity - by all but
monsters. Mankind: my eternal enemy.
He watches. I turn from the window,
and flee from His gaze. Oh Lord, I shall strike
You down! You have destroyed my every chance -
my every hope - for peace and acceptance.
I will end You, death alone will not
suffice. You have taken my bride - and so
I shall take Yours. A love for a love.
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Very nice! It's almost exactly what I consider Frankensteins creation to be thinking, when he was building the lady. ...except for the creepyness I think. I mean, from what I got from the story, he were feeling a more...melancholy thing, rather than the tinge of bitterness I got from your poem.
But that's just me being a bit..odd. So pay it no mind. All in all, a neat poem.
No more caps in odd places! I love you! This poem has been greatly improved.
I'd like to see "in the dead flesh" moved down a line, and things generally rearranged, so it reads like "...form,/in the dead flesh sprawled on the blood-soaked table before me."
Maybe capitalize son? It just seems like if Father is, then son should be too.
Move the "Oh Lord..." part down, to make it "...gaze./Oh Lord, I shall strike You down!"
There are some other parts that have odd line breaks, but that one and the first part I mentioned here are the ones that really bothered me. Oh yeah, and the hope smothering the garden of science part. I'd put that whole question on its own individual line.
Thanks for making your poem so much more amazing!
Colleen
Thanks to both of you for your replies
. I've updated the poem 
.
This piece is not an acrostic poem (thank goodness) so you don't need to capitalize the first letter of every line. Go ahead, un-cap the "me", the "from", the "by", and the "monsters", and everything else that is capped when it shouldn't be. It's awfully disruptive when trying to read.
I liked those phrases.
Yay for creepy-ness! I imagine this would sound really neat read dramatically at some writer Halloween party.
Colleen
Wow, it's like Lovecraft and Mary Shelley had a baby.
I love it! I can't even pick out a favorite, cause I'd just quote it all. Silly people not saying anything about it.
Only nickpick, get rid of the ellipses.
For shame and so pithy, I don't have anything to say.
Hope this helps, at least.
CL