The Reaper seizes another stalk of maize,
and for a brief moment the neighbouring
stalks mourn the loss of a friend; then they too
are stolen by the weeping Reaper.
The corpses of the maize, in their thousands,
are taken, and mutilated, and turned
into food for the famished masses.
The land on which the stalk once stood is now
open space; and the nutrients and sunlight
that the stalk once possessed, are now free
for newborn Life to thrive upon, and live.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
I agree that making the Grim Reaper to mean something else is really creative. This poem is so full of imagery and I can really picture what is happening. I found this to be a very well wrtten piece!
Keep Writing!
Oooh, I agree with elephantwalrus...excellent job of putting another meaning into the phrase "grim reaper". It was a very clever, original poem. I like it!
My main problem is that the phrasing itself is not very poetic. It's just..."This happens. Then this happens. And then this happens," and it doesn't really appeal to me on that essential, basic level.
Poetry is not only meaning and emotion; it is sound and rhythm. I think this one rather lacks those last two. There's no specific place I can point out and no specific cure for this; it just takes a lot of time, editing and really studying the poem until something a little more "poetic" pops into your head. Trust me, I have the same problem.
Keep working on this one!
-Colleen
I have to admit, when I first saw the word "reaper," I wanted to hit my head against a brick wall. But, a couple words later, I saw that you meant a harvester, not the Grim Reaper.
All in all it's a clever metaphor. I had a couple problems with it, though:
1. I really enjoyed the imagery in the first stanza, but I don't see how the Reaper is weeping. Maybe you wanted that imagery, but the connotation to the word "reaper" is often indifference or malice, not sorrow. So, I was lost for a moment when the indifferent Reaper is all of a sudden overwhelmed with emotion.
2. The imagery in the second stanza wasn't as good. There was a loss of energy between the words "mutilated" and "turned into." Also, the "famished masses" divert the readers attention away from the destroyed lives of the corn, which I didn't think was appropriate if the focus of the poem was supposed to be the death of the corn.
3. The third stanza flowed well. The only thing I thought was out of place was the word "sunlight." It seemed too happy for so heavy a poem.
All in all, your imagery was good. I enjoyed reading this!