This reminded me of three Opeth songs at once— Windowpane, In my time of Need, and Hope leaves, because although your words are less saddening than theirs, they evoke similar imagery to talk about loss of a loved one. Imagery of sitting alone, of standing alone in the rain, and ever-fresh wounds in places not seen. (Give them a listen when time permits.)
1. The acrostic part of it did not feel forced at all, and definitely summarized the whole poem in a word. "heartbreak" was not the word I would have gone for, but then I don't know the first thing about writing something like this, and this indeed is the first such poem I have come across. Choosing a word and then writing according to the length of it sounds in no way an easy task. Initial 2 lines did confuse me for a bit about what part of was referring to whom, but that was cleared up later.
2. I liked the juxtapositions (the poet is alone, the other person is not, they're outside in the rain, that person is not, the raincloud passes by for that person etc.) . You did do it well in the second last line though. the ones in line 3 and 4 were nice, it might've been better if you had carried it on, but then the sentence limit would be a definite issue.
"As you listen to the thunder with your new love
Rain is pelting down on me"
"Beside me there is a space that you should be filling
Right by you, that space filled by another"
This is not a criticism in any way, just a suggestion because I can't write something like this at the moment. ( "Heartbroken" would've been the word I'd've gone with.)
3. Talking about the theme in general, pretty standard stuff, but treated well enough, and does manage to give the one line concept of " you left me and moved on but the chapter is not closed for me " a poetic narrative with the initial and middle lines talking about the " you left me and moved on", and the ending being about "the chapter is not closed for me". I would've liked more unconventional or visceral descriptions, but those might give off a different vibe and mess up what your conception had been.
4. Overall, I did not find any major criticism that would turn off a major reader group, so I've nitpicked tbh. This was simple and effective, and I can't talk of avoiding cliches since those were dealt with well. Good stuff.
Keep writing and thanks for introducing me to acrostics!
Points: 400
Reviews: 66
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