We like it when they notice us
We spent up our last savings
But it was worth it
Right?
We live for the love of others
We live for the love of being loved
We’d rather die than love the thought
Of loving ourselves
We wore bright colors.
What did it cost you?
We wore dark colors.
What did it cost you?
We bathed in gold. Basked in silver.
What did it cost you?
Nothing.
It cost us nothing.
Happiness is nothing today.
If happiness is nothing.
It cost us nothing.
We can’t put up facades anymore.
I’m not happy.
I’ll let you in on something big
I’m not a white teeth teen
I tried to join but never did
The way they are the way they seem
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Another great poem! Well said,
Reading this poem, i remembered the quote,“The problem with wearing a facade is that sooner or later life shows up with a big pair of scissors.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough[/quote]
It does cost nothing but unhappiness.
You know one thing, your perception is unique and so are the topics write. AWESOME!
These following lines are great:
We care for people who cemented in the heart. It is difficult to ignore them. They exist everywhere in all shapes and emotions. They drive our world, and our thoughts.
So true. Because of the benefits of fitting in society. It's not that simple to get along with stuff when we don't accept for who we are in certain places. It would be easier if people just did accept people. That doesn't happen though, we sacrifice our happiness, fake that we are happy and say affirmative just to the self- centred people to be happy.
Certainly, it costs nothing
I liked this poem so much. Thanks for sharing.
Keep writing
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you like my ideas and views.
Hello, shaniac here to review your poem!
I like the main idea you presented in this poem. Taking bits and pieces from it, I'm guessing that this poem is about how society wants teenagers to be the perfect people in this society. It is definitely an interesting idea and you do take it upon almost criticizing how society views teenagers. Then later on in the poem, it kind of shifts from the perspective of someone who unlikes the system ends up going against it.
The one thing I'd like to point out is the 'we' you mentioned several times in this poem. Now, I know that it may be a pronoun for the teenagers, but I kind of want some sort of suggestion that it is that. Like, it is kind of mysterious if you were to leave it at 'we', but I think if you were to add a hint at what you meant, then it would be stronger.
The questions, in my opinion, could be italics because it almost feels like another voice is coming in and asking those questions to society. It would also bring kind of a different tone to the rest of the poem if you were to do that. Along with the questions, it is a repeated phrase in the middle part of the poem and if you were to italicize them then it could bring the point across a bit better.
I think this line should be separated into two because if it is left like this, it feels a bit chunky and off-putting with the rest of the poem. So, it'd be something like this: "We bathed in gold/basked in silver". In the same vein, I suggest adding 'are' between 'we' and 'bathed' since the tone of this poem is in the present tense, I'm assuming, and it will just make it sound a bit better.
I'm a little confused by this chunk of lines. After reading it several times, it kind of felt a bit repetitive, but the bad kind. Like it is repeating the same phrase over and over again but in different words. I think what you should do is rewrite it a bit so it can flow a little better with the rest of the poem. For example, you could rewrite the lines as "It cost us nothing/and now, our happiness/is our nothing", or something similar to get the point across.
The ending, as I mentioned previously, it shifts to someone going against society and being their own person. I do like the first two lines of the ending but the last two they kind of fall weak of actually ending. I'm wanting more to come afterward and I do think you should add some more to it. From what I've learned in English classes is that you should continue to write a poem until the idea has been made clear to the reader. I do think if you add more into the ending, it will begin to make more sense.
To cap, I like the main idea that you presented with this poem. It kind of resonates with what is happening in today's society and with teenagers in this day and age. I would suggest being a bit more clear with the ending of this poem and being clear with who 'we' is. Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!
Thank you for the insightful review! its really a help since I%u2019m new to the whole poetry thing. Hope to see ya around.
Another lovely, interesting poem. Once again, you manage to capture an almost unspeakable feeling, the want to fit in but also being fine with standing out. I get the song reference, as well, and it fits amazingly with the concept of what you've written. You manage to find a precarious balance between two dichotomies of life, and I love it. I especially love the repeat of "what did it cost you?", bringing attention to something we don't think about often - what are we putting on the line when we choose to conform or to not conform?
Anyway, this was a great read.
Keep writing!
Glad you enjoyed it