Kaelin tore through the mossy, darkening forest, stumbling over boulders as she went. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she had to go somewhere, and fast. She had to find some way to get to the stars, or at least someone to point her in the right direction. She was running out of time.
Before long, the sun had completely set, and the stars were out. Emerging from the forest into a grassy clearing, Kaelin allowed herself to collapse beside a wooden fence, her dirty, white cotton dress falling like a cloud around her. Gasping for breath, she stretched out her hand toward the stars above her. She had wanted to reach them before, as a romantic notion, but now she needed to reach them. She wished they would just come down to her.
As she lay there, Kaelin began to cry openly, a high wail escaping her. Big tears rolled down her olive-colored cheeks and across her temples, wetting her black hair. This was all too much, too hopeless. What would she do?
A soft, bell-like chirp reached her ears, but Kaelin didn’t notice it until the source came fluttering down from the fence and landed beside her head. All at once, she stopped crying, staring with wide eyes at the slim, dark green cricket. The cricket was wearing a little suit and tie, and it carried a black umbrella under its arm. It stood on its two hind legs and stared up at her with big, black eyes. The look in those eyes almost seemed to be one of compassion.
“Hallo there,” Kaelin said softly, sitting up and blinking away her tears.
“Wh-why…are you crying?” the cricket stammered in reply, sounding as if it was testing its voice. Its voice reminded Kaelin of someone, but she couldn’t think who.
She stared in amazement. “You can talk?” she gasped.
“I-I suppose I can,” the cricket said.
“That’s wonderful!” Kaelin exclaimed.
“Yes, I suppose it is—but…why are you crying?” the cricket asked again cautiously, “Has someone…died?”
Kaelin lowered her eyes. “No, no one’s died yet. But my mother is dying of a curse, and Rumpelstiltskin told me I needed stardust to break it. I have to find a way to go up to the stars and get it, but I don’t know how to reach the stars.”
“I can help you,” the cricket said promptly, “That is, f-for a while at least. I’m searching for someone, but I don’t know where he is. Perhaps while we’re searching for a way to the stars, I’ll be able to find him.”
“Yes, please come with me!” Kaelin begged, “I need help!”
“Of course. I must help you,” the cricket said, looking down for an instant, “A-and I want to. I want to help you save your mother!”
“Thank you so much!” Kaelin said, “But, what’s your name? I’m Kaelin.”
“My name…” the cricket hesitated, glancing away again, “I…d-don’t have a name. I’m a cricket.”
“Why, then, I’ll give you a name,” Kaelin said, “I’ll call you…Archie.”
“Archie?” the cricket laughed.
“Don’t you like it? I like that name.”
“Yes, I suppose I do like it,” the cricket said, smiling as much as a cricket could smile, “Yes, you can call me Archie.”
Kaelin cupped her hands together and held them out to Archie. Understanding what she meant, he fluttered up and landed in them. Then Kaelin stood up. “I think we should go now,” she said, “The stars only come out at night, so we can sleep during the day if we have to.”
“No problem for me,” Archie chuckled, “Crickets are nocturnal.”
“Wonderful,” Kaelin said. She set Archie on her shoulder, and then set off into the woods again. She felt a much braver with Archie with her, even though he was a cricket. He wouldn’t be able to protect her from any dangers in the woods, but he was company, and cheerful company at that. At first, he seemed inordinately happy, as if intoxicated, laughing, talking, and pointing out everything he saw. “I’m so glad to be of help,” he kept saying, “To be doing something good. This is good, isn’t it? We’ll find a way to get some stardust. I’m sure.”
His excitement was infectious, and Kaelin soon found herself feeling more determined and hopeful than ever. “Yes, we’ll definitely find a way,” she agreed.
After a while, however, Archie mellowed out a bit and started asking Kaelin serious questions about her life. He asked about her father and how he had died. Then he asked when her mother had fallen ill and what had happened after that. When Kaelin told him about how the Mermaid-tear Elixir hadn’t worked, he simply nodded silently and gazed out into the forest. “We definitely have to save her,” he said.
Sometime, when the night was still dark and the stars were still bright, Kaelin and Archie came out of the forest near a little brook with mossy banks. A watermill was slowly turning in the river, adding a soft splashing sound to the soothing chirps of crickets that echoed in the night. The mill’s wheel was attached to a gray, stone building, but the building was so thickly covered in moss and vines that the stone was hardly visible. Kaelin looked around, but there were no other buildings around the watermill—no people, no animals. There were only grassy hills with patches of trees scattered across them. She slowly approached the mill. “It looks so lonely,” she whispered to Archie.
The cricket nodded.
“I wish I could ask it how I can get some stardust,” Kaelin said aloud.
Just then, three holes opened up in the moss around the building’s window, making it look like the side of the mill had a face. “You want some stardust?” it groaned.
Kaelin was too taken aback to reply, but Archie quickly answered: “Yes! Is there any way you could help us?”
“Yes. There are plenty of stars around here,” the mill wheel grumbled, “Every night, they shine in my eyes from that brook so that I can never get any sleep. If you jump in and swim around a bit, you’ll be covered in stardust in no time.”
Kaelin looked at Archie, and Archie looked at Kaelin. “It’s worth a try,” Archie said with a shrug. Setting the cricket down on the bank, Kaelin jumped into the water and splashed around until she grew tired. Yet when she climbed back out, she was only wet with water. She couldn’t find a single speck of anything that looked like stardust. Looking back at the water, she saw a star reflected in it and tried to scoop it up in her hands, just in case. Still no stardust.
“There’s no stardust in this water,” she sighed, turning to Archie.
“Then why’s it always shining in my bloomin’ eyes?” the watermill muttered.
Kaelin placed Archie on her shoulder again, and they set off across the hills. It was brighter here, outside of the forest, and the hills seemed draped in a blue-gray mist. “We’re never going to find anything this way,” she sighed, “We need at least to know what to look for first.”
“We could ask the fairies for help,” Archie suggested.
“The fairies!” Kaelin cried, “Yes, they would know what to do! Only, how will we find them?”
“Well, I met one just this evening,” Archie told her, “I believe, if we simply wish to find them, and search, they will be found by us.”
“Then let’s do just that,” Kaelin declared, and set off confidently toward the nearest patch of trees.
It was a longer way than it seemed to the nearest patch of trees, and by the time Kaelin and Archie got there, the dawn was fast approaching. Dew sparkled in the grass. Pausing near the edge of the woods, Kaelin stared around, wishing and wishing to see a fairy.
As they were looking, a flash of pink appeared and disappeared in the trees. It appeared again, this time closer. Then, in another moment, a little fairy all sparkling and dressed in pink came tumbling out of the woods into the dew-soaked grass. She was laughing, but when she saw Kaelin and Archie, she stopped. “Oh, were you looking for me?” she gasped, flitting up in front of Kaelin’s face and trying to smooth down her dress. Getting a closer look at her, Kaelin saw that she had dark brown hair and wide, innocent eyes.
“Yes, ma’am,” Kaelin replied with a curtsy, “My name is Kaelin O’Hara, and this is Archie the Cricket—” Archie bowed—“We were hoping you could help us.”
“Oh,” the fairy replied, “My name is Nova. Um, what do you need help with? I hope I can help.”
“We’re trying to get a little stardust,” Kaelin explained, “Do you know where we could find some?”
“Well, there seems to be lots of it here,” Nova said, gesturing uncertainly down at the grass, “I think it must fall from the sky at night because it always sparkles around me when I dance here. Would you like to dance with me? I’m sure you’ll be all covered with it, if you do.”
Encouraged and delighted, Kaelin started to dance with Nova. Even Archie joined in, fluttering up and down in the grass on his thin, cricket wings. They danced and danced until Kaelin had to sit down, dew splashing on her tired legs and feet.
“Have you got any stardust?” Nova asked hopefully.
Kaelin examined herself, but again found that she simply soaked with dew. “No,” she sighed, “But…thanks for trying.”
At that moment, a scolding, echoing voice came from above them. “Nova! What are you doing?”
Archie looked up and immediately bowed. “Blue Fairy!” he exclaimed.
Nova looked up too, a little scared. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just trying to help this girl find some stardust.”
“By twirling around in the grass with her?” the Blue Fairy scolded, descending so that she was at their level, “Nova, how do you ever expect to become a fairy godmother if you keep doing silly things like this?”
“Well, I thought perhaps there might be stardust down here, because it sparkled so much…” Nova tried to explain, bouncing on her toes a little.
“Never mind,” the Blue Fairy sighed, turning to Kaelin, “Dear, I’m afraid stardust is not so easy to obtain,” she said gently, “To find it, you will need help. Why do you want to reach the stars?”
“My mother is sick from a curse that’s turning her into a shadow,” Kaelin replied, “I was told that just a little stardust would cure her. Please, is there anything you can do to help me?”
“If it is for the sake of saving someone else and not for your own power, I am willing to help you,” the Blue Fairy said, “I can see that you have a pure heart. Child, if you wish to reach the stars, you must first travel until you meet Four Feet. Tell him that the fairies sent you. Four Feet will take you to No Feet At All, and you must tell No Feet At All the same thing. If you do, No Feet At All will take you to the Stairs Without Steps. If you can persevere enough to climb the Stairs Without Steps, all the way to the top, then you may be able to touch a star. Do not take any more stardust than you need.”
“Yes, ma’am! Thank you so much, ma’am!” Kaelin cried, curtsying deeply. This was it. This was a sure path to reaching the stars. Now that Kaelin knew what to do, there was no doubt in her mind that she would do it—that she could do it. “Come on, Archie! Let’s go!” she said, picking up the cricket and putting him back on her shoulder.
“Archie…?” the Blue Fairy murmured, showing some confusion. Then she nodded with understanding and smiled at Kaelin. “Yes, go. And may you reach your goal.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello again!
This chapter felt a bit like a children's story, (I'm thinking Are you my mother?). She has a clear goal - get some stardust, but she has no idea how so she keeps asking for help. Which is great, but there were so many people it almost felt like "can you help me?" "No?" "Okay." "Can you help me?" "No?" "Okay." etc. I liked that we got to see more of the forest and that we got to see how she solves her problems. I can tell that she will literally do whatever it takes to save her mom and that's awesome - it's a nice window into her personality and who she is.
There are boulders in this forest? I'm having a hard time picturing that...
I find it interesting that she's just running without a plan. It shows how frantic she is and adds some intensity to the scene, but it doesn't seem to be the most logical plan. I mean, she's going to get herself lost. And I get she's a kid so she's not going to be thinking super logically, but still. Stop and collect yourself and come up with a plan before you get into even more trouble girl
I think you could go a bit deeper into her thoughts here. She feels its hopeless, but does she have any ideas? What's running through her mind right now besides I can't do this? She has to think she can do something because she's still moving and trying. Give me a bit more here.
I thought this line was so interesting. My theory is that the man that helped her and that said sorry after the bought the worthless potion thing for her mom is this cricket and he became a cricket so he could try to find her and help her because he feels guilty about what happened. There are a million reasons why someone would be crying and his gut thought was someone died. Why would he think that? Because he knows the potion he helped sell her was bogus and he knew her mom was sick so he's wondering if her mom is already dead. Love it.
But where are they going? What's the plan? I feel like she should consult with Archie before setting off again so they have some sort of goal in mind that's a bit more attainable than "get some stardust". They could wander and wander forever and never find anything helpful. They could get lost. Any number of bad things could happen to them. Do they have any ideas about who could help them or where they should at least start their search? I think part of the reason this felt like a children's story to me is that all of their gains were randomly stumbled upon rather than any part of a plan. Obviously they're not going to be able to plan every second, but it would be nice to feel there's at least sort of a plan in mind.
This is another interesting line that's in a similar vein to what I mentioned before - that he feels guilty about what he did and his role in scamming Kaelin and now he really wants to make it up to her. Not that she'll know, but to clear his own conscience.
But how? They have no plan. I want them to have at least a fragment of a plan.
I would do a new paragraph here because you've gone from your description of the setting (which is great by the way), to her action.
And why would she want to ask a building about how to get some stardust? I get that this is a magical world and anything is possible here. But why would she think or assume that asking this inanimate object would yield her any results. It feels like the only reason she says this is because this inanimate object is about to tell her something related to her quest.
Finally. They're going to make a plan. Why couldn't they have done this first? Could you take out the part about the mill and have them come up with this plan to get help from fairies and leave it at that? The thing with the mill is so short and ends up being nothing anyway and it starts to get repetitive with the asking, having to do something, and then not having the desired result.
One other thing I was wondering as I read this through, is that I think I would appreciate a bit more of her thoughts about her mother during all of this. Obviously she's doing this for her mother, but right now her mom is in their little house, completely alone, dying, with no one there to help her. Is Kaelin worried about her at all? Is there any thought in her mind that maybe she'll succeed and get this stardust, but by the time she gets it to her mom it'll be too late? I don't think you'd need a lot because you don't want to distract from the point of the chapter, but I also don't want her to completely forget about why she's doing it.
Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! See you soon!
Nope, can't take out the mill. He's my favorite character in the original fairy tale: "The Stars in the Sky". This chapter and the next are the closest to the original fairy tale, so it's kind of on purpose that they feel more like the original. I will add in some kind of plan, though.
Hi! (Once again!)
Anyway, time for the review!

The nice thing about review day, is that when I go to the back of the green room, there's always amazing works that only 1 other person has 'touched'! Hopefully, I'll be able to start from here on and out reading chronologically.
After a few lines of Kaelin and Archie talking, he seems to lose his overall stutter. While I know it can get terribly annoying typing in a stutter (t-typing in a-a stutt-tt-er), it is still necessary. Although there are a couple of options out, if you don't want to waste your time typing 'the stutters'. 1. You could mention that his stutter left. ("After talking for a while, his stutter seemed to vanish.) 2. You could mention it in your dialogue tags
(is that what they're called..?)“No problem for me,” Archie chuckled, stuttering a little, “Crickets are nocturnal.” Just keep it in (or take it out completely) somehow.Once more a thing on transitions: from the mill to to the fairies, that is. It seems rushed - neither the cricket, nor Kaelin says 'bye' to the mill. Even if they are in a hurry, it seems 'against character', at least for Archie the cricket.
Anyway, this is quite good! I couldn't find anything else! Fantastic job, and keep writing!
~Snazz Pizzazz
Happy Review Day!
They should say "Bye" to the mill! *squee*
Thanks for the reviews!
Hey, I'm here to review!
For someone who hasn't read the chapters before the fifth, I'm pretty curious to know why Kaelin wants to reach the stars. It's pretty interesting considering she wants to reach them in a literal sense. There must be a good reason to do such an arduous feat, and this is a good plot for me to stick on reading this. However, your syntax, again, can be improved so that you can deliver your message more clearly.
This sentence is more like the narrator wondering what would the character do, which doesn't fit here. I think what you're trying to say is: 'What should she do?' That makes more sense because Kaelin seems pretty clueless to decide what to do in order to reach the stars.
I pretty much like the cricket's appearance! You describe him well, and by that only you succeed on making it an interesting character. Once I read this part, I know Kaelin is actually Bridget, and the cricket's name would be Archie. I'm pretty excited to read this because we know from Bridget's brief explanation they would climb the rainbow, so to actually live the experience is interesting. I'm glad you decide to show what her dream looks like in order for us to feel and imagine it better.
It's interesting to find out that it was Bridget who gave the cricket its name, which was Archie. I think this makes me recall to the time I watched Once Upon a Time, in which an episode each consists of two different stories for the same character, one being the fairy tale, past story of the character, and the second one being the present. Because of this, I wonder if Bridget is actually Kaelin from the past, and has named Dr. Hopper as Archie, who was the cricket from the past? It's a pretty interesting theory, hmm... Also, I wonder who Archier is looking for.
Ha! This paragraph pretty much reminds me of Dr. Hopper's personality, one that always asking questions. I'm more and more sure Archie is Dr. Hopper in the present.
I like how you set up interesting scenes, like the one with the mill, and the other one with Nova the Fairy. The first one is more for us to enjoy rather than to lead the plot further, and the second one is at the brink of doing that because there's nothing to help Kaelin to find the stars... until the Blue Fairy interrupts, of course. From here we know the reason why Kaelin wants to get stardust, and the way to get it is pretty strange too, what with the names you've chosen for Kaelin to meet and step on. It's just enough for me to read on!
And that is all! This review is shorter than the last because nothing much really happens here, but I enjoy this chapter nonetheless! Hope this help. Keep up the good job!
Thanks for the review! I was really excited to see a review in my notifications.

So do you want me to tell you why Kaelin needs to reach the stars, or do you want to try figuring out for yourself (or read from the beginning)?
And, yes, I do think "should" would fit there better. It's actually Kaelin thinking to herself and wondering what she'll do, but described from a 3rd person perspective. You'll find that this kind of thing is pretty integral to my style (when I'm writing in 3rd person) because it adds variety to bringing us into a character's thoughts.
I'm particularly happy that you could sense Dr. Hopper's personality in the cricket. One of the things I focused on the most in writing this story was getting that personality right. It wouldn't be a good fanfiction if the characters didn't feel like themselves.
By the way, like all "Once Upon a Time" characters, Kaelin comes from a fairy tale (though she's mine and not from the show). This chapter and chapter 8 are the ones that take place within her original fairy tale, which I link to at the beginning of the first chapter.
It's called "The Stars in the Sky" and was my favorite fairy tale when I was little.