z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreams of Stars Chapter 26 (Once Upon a Time)

by Songmorning


Early in the morning, after Kaelin’s last night at Geppetto’s workshop, the Blue Fairy came to take her away. She said a long goodbye to Jiminy and Geppetto and a short one to Pinocchio, who she hadn’t known very long. Then the Blue Fairy took some fairy dust and sprinkled it on Kaelin’s paws. As soon as the dust hit Kaelin’s paws, she started floating up in the air. She squeaked in alarm.

“Don’t worry,” the Blue Fairy said with a tinkling laugh, “You’ll be able to control it if you try. This is what you need to come to the fairies’ realm with me.”

Kaelin concentrated and found that, by moving her paws as though she was running on the ground, she could scurry through the air in the same way. It felt weird. She giggled with excitement. “Look at me, Jiminy!” she called, “I can fly too now!”

Jiminy fluttered up to her level and hovered there. “So you can,” he observed.

“I bet I can go faster than you,” Kaelin teased.

“It’s time to go,” the Blue Fairy interrupted, “That spell will wear off after a time, and we should get to the fairies’ realm before it does.”

Reluctantly, Kaelin took her leave of them and followed the fairy up into the sky. They climbed higher and higher until the air began to grow cold, and they neared the clouds. Her little heart racing in amazement, Kaelin looked down at the landscape beneath her. Yes, there was Geppetto’s little seaside village. The glinting, blue-gray sea reached all the way to the horizon on one side of the village. On the other side, there were trees, and beyond that, fields. Silvery olive trees grew in rows on a hillside, and there were also fields of grapevines and golden wheat.

Kaelin remembered that Sofia had come from one of the little farmhouses outside the village. She had grown up combing the olives off their branches in the autumn. Once every year, she had taken Geppetto, Kaelin, and Jiminy out to the olive groves so they could see the olives being harvested and ground up to make oil. Despite the tension still between Geppetto and Jiminy back then, those were happy memories.

“Kaelin, wake up!” came an exasperated sigh from the Blue Fairy. Kaelin shook herself back to reality and followed her farther into the sky. Finally, they popped right through the fluffy, silver clouds and came out on the other side. Kaelin shivered a bit as the cool dampness of the clouds clung to her fur. It was like going through a heavy fog or a very light drizzle.

Above the clouds was like a whole new land. Kaelin gazed around in wonder at the cloudscape, all white and gray and soft and shining—and with so much variety! She wanted to go explore every fluffy little nook and cranny in this kingdom of the sky. Yet she had business to do, and the Blue Fairy wasn’t going to wait for her to look around. Kaelin scampered to catch up.

After a while, Kaelin caught sight of a flash of pink in the clouds. “There she is,” the Blue Fairy muttered. As they drew closer, she called, “Nova!”

The pink fairy started, then raced toward them through the air. “Yes, Blue Fairy?” she said breathlessly, scooting to a halt in front of them.

“Will you take over with Kaelin for me?” the Blue Fairy requested.

“Yes, Blue Fairy,” the pink fairy repeated. She turned and waved at Kaelin even though they were hardly a foot apart. “Hi, Kaelin,” she said, as the Blue Fairy glided away, “I’m Nova.”

“Have we met before?” Kaelin asked curiously, because Nova seemed familiar, and she thought she recognized the name too.

“Well, I—I’ve seen you a lot, but I don’t know if you’ve ever seen me,” Nova began uncertainly.

The magic in Kaelin’s paws suddenly gave out, and she dropped with a shriek. Fortunately, the clouds must have been enchanted because she didn’t go through them, bouncing a bit as she landed on them.

“Ohh, sorry! Are you all right?” Nova fretted, flying down to her, “I think I was supposed to give you more fairy dust before that happened!”

“It’s all right,” Kaelin said, standing up on her hind paws and brushing off her dress, even though there was nothing to brush off. She looked up at the fairy’s concerned face and wide, anxious, brown eyes, and suddenly remembered where she had seen Nova before. “Oh! You’re the fairy I met when I was trying to reach the stars!” she exclaimed.

“What…?” Nova frowned curiously and tilted her head to one side, “But I don’t remember…” She landed on the clouds in front of Kaelin.

“I wasn’t a mouse then,” Kaelin explained, “I was just a little girl. You were the little pink fairy who told me to dance in the grass to get stardust, because you thought there was stardust in the grass!”

“Oh—and Blue Fairy scolded me because it was just dew,” Nova giggled, “I remember now! Wow, to think—that was you!”

“So why did the Blue Fairy entrust me to you just now?” Kaelin asked, “Are you Cinderella’s fairy godmother?”

“Oh—” Nova looked down, clasping her hands together. “Noo, I’m still not a fairy godmother yet,” she said in disappointment. Then she smiled hopefully, “But I am doing a more important job than before,” she continued, “It’s my job to watch over certain animal friends, like you. I started watching over you when you moved to the village where Geppetto’s workshop is. Now I’m going to help you and Gus become animal friends for Cinderella!”

Kaelin frowned. “Gus? Who’s Gus?”

“You mean the Blue Fairy didn’t tell you about him?” Nova asked in surprise, “He’s the other mouse who’s going to be helping Cinderella!”

“Another mouse?” Kaelin exclaimed, horrified, “B-but she told me that Cinderella needs me! That’s why I decided to leave Jiminy and Geppetto and help her. If there’s another mouse, I don’t see why I’m needed! I should—I should just go home…”

“Kaelin, I’m sure if the Blue Fairy said Cinderella needs you specifically, she meant it. She must have reasons,” Nova said earnestly, taking her paws.

“All right, well, where is this ‘Gus-Gus’?” Kaelin demanded grumpily.

“I’ll have you know,” panted a voice nearby, “That it’s Gustave, not ‘Gus’, and certainly not ‘Gus-Gus’!”

Kaelin turned the face the speaker. He was another mouse, who had just run around a bump in the clouds to the relatively flat place where Kaelin and Nova were standing. The mouse had slightly darker fur than Kaelin. He was wearing a pointed, green cap, brown cloth shoes, and a light brown shirt. He straightened up, folding his arms and frowning at Nova. “You could’ve…at least given me…a little more of that flying magic…before you went zipping off like that! I thought I’d…never be able to find you!” He still seemed rather out of breath.

“Sorryy,” Nova replied, wincing. She tried to smile and bounced on her toes a little, making a gesture toward Kaelin. “This is the other mouse who will be helping Cinderella. Her name is Kaelin. Kaelin, this is—”

“Yes, I know. Gus-Gus,” Kaelin grumbled.

“It’s Gustave!” Gus squeaked, stamping his shod hind paw, though it didn’t make a sound on the cloudy surface.

“It’s okay to use different names, Gus,” Nova said optimistically, trying to make peace, “In fact, Kaelin even called herself ‘Suzy’ at first, though that was only for a couple days, I guess.”

“Nova! I didn’t even like that name!” Kaelin cried in dismay, “I was just afraid to say my real name at first, and that was the first thing that popped into my mind.”

A mischievous grin slowly spread across Gus’s face. “I see what you’re saying, Nova…” he began, sidling toward Kaelin. He stopped right in front of her. “I can call you Suzy, then, right?” he presumed.

“What? No!”

“Hey, it’s only fair!” He shrugged. “If you’re going to call me ‘Gus-Gus’…I’m going to call you ‘Suzy’.”

Kaelin glared at him. “All right, Gus-Gus.” And she stuck out her pink tongue at him.

“Fine! Suzy!” Gus stuck out his tongue too.

Suddenly, Kaelin realized how childish they were being, and a giggle broke out of her. Gus stifled a snicker too, accidentally spitting in her face.

“Sorry!” he exclaimed in alarm, but Kaelin only giggled again, hurriedly wiping her long nose with her paws. Then they both broke down in squeaky laughter, practically unable to control themselves. Even Nova had to laugh. From then on, Kaelin and Gus could no longer see each other as rivals. They were sure to become good friends. 


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Wed May 04, 2016 11:53 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Aww, this chapter made me smile.

I think I've finally figured out exactly what's going on here with the switching chapters, and I like it. It's especially interesting because I think you're doing a good job of making this Kaelin and the other Kaelin feel different, and that's hard to do but it's really enjoyable when it's done well. For example, this Kaelin feels a lot more naive than the other Kaelin.

I agree that you could probably show the goodbyes. I know you're probably eager to get on to the next part of the story, but this is probably a pretty momentous moment for Kaelin, and to just skip over that trivializes her relationship with Jiminy and Geppetto. You aren't trying to portray this parting as a really sad one, so don't overdo it, but at the same time drawing attention to its bittersweet nature would feel more realistic.

I thought the story about how she met Nova and the stardust in the grass was nice, though I can't help but wonder why Nova thought dew was stardust. I also thought some of Nova's dialogue, mostly in the paragraph where she's explaining that her job is to watch over animal friends, felt a little bit generic and wordy.

It hard to know how to fix it, but I think something you could try is putting in more of her feelings about the job - she just kind of explains it without saying whether she likes it or not, and people almost always include their opinion about things when they're explaining them.

Finally:

From then on, Kaelin and Gus could no longer see each other as rivals. They were sure to become good friends.

I think you could say this more subtly - this sort of telling works for some stories, but I'm not sure it works for this one and it usually isn't quite this blunt anyway. Perhaps something like "They smiled at each other, all rivalry gone," would work better.

And that's all for now - I'll come back later for another chapter.




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Wed Mar 30, 2016 2:15 am
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Evander wrote a review...



Heyo!

She said a long goodbye to Jiminy and Geppetto and a short one to Pinocchio, who she hadn’t known very long.

My real question here is why aren't we shown this? That line there would have meant more if we had been shown the differences between the goodbyes, instead of just being told. While we do know a lot about her character now and it isn't completely necessary, it still would be nice to see how she treated Pinocchio versus the other people that she was close with.

“Will you take over with Kaelin for me?” the Blue Fairy requested.

From the way the Blue Fairy says it here, it sounds like Nova taking over Kaelin wasn't planned and that something had come up for the Blue Fairy to be somewhere else. From how the rest of the chapter is treated, it's treated like it was a planned thing. So perhaps rephrasing the statement would be in order. "I have arrived with Kaelin, so she is now handed off to you for your duty."

Also, why did the Blue Fairy even go down to get Kaelin if it's Nova's job to watch over animal friends? From the wiki, it looks like the Blue Fairy's job is to grant wishes and train other fairies, not to fetch people for tasks. It would also be interesting to have seen Nova pick Kaelin up instead, with Nova's whole character. xD The first interaction there would have been nice to see, with the added confusion of it all.

“All right, well, where is this ‘Gus-Gus’?”

While I'm a bit confused as to why she keeps on messing up the characters' names, it does add an interesting dynamic between her and Gus. Although, I'm a bit confused as to where she actually got the courage to talk back to him. I don't recall seeing much of that build up in her Enchanted Forest character.

What I am interested in is where Kaelin got the name Bridget! Because I have no idea how that managed to transfer to her Storybrooke character and I want to know why. (There are eleven chapters left, so hopefully it'll be explained in that time period.) There's a solid explanation for almost every other character, so it's a bit strange that the one for Kaelin hasn't come up yet.

Not much else to say! Sorry for such a short review. I do hope that you'll keep on writing!

~Adrian, Knight of RED





It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore