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E - Everyone

Frozen in Time

by Satira

Every winter feels like last year.

did you know? It does.

every winter

every year 

every first snow.

looks just like the last one

 through my bedroom window.

and I have to pause to think...

and laugh, and realize

that one just needs a little cold

to make moments freeze in time.

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25 Reviews

Points: 491
Reviews: 25

Tue Dec 16, 2014 11:37 pm
Chanta1234 says...

Well i really love this but you did a pattern to me and its awesome lol , but I really like this poem about winter and did you originally write this?

Satira says...

I did a pattern to you? Wha?
I originally wrote it. yes. I did not plagerize. because on this website, we share our OWN work.

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5 Reviews

Points: 395
Reviews: 5

Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:50 am
TheCatchphrase wrote a review...

This is a beautiful poem! This is the style of poetry I love the most, explaining your idea through the use of another concept instead of outright saying it. The way the winter ties in to your idea is brilliant. The only nitpick I have is that I don't see the point of the "did you know? It does." line, but other than that, I can't find any problems with this poem. Excellent job, and keep writing!

Satira says...

thank you! i'll keep that in mind.

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594 Reviews

Points: 506
Reviews: 594

Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:43 pm
fortis wrote a review...

Hi satira~

I liked this poem a lot actually. I like the idea behind it.
I find it strange that you capitalize “every” and “It” and then leave everything else uncapitalized. You should make it consistent.

One thing that I was confused about on this was if “last year” meant as in specifically the year before this happened (so if this poem takes place in 2014, we are specifically referring to 2013), or if it’s just saying that EVERY year feels like the one before. So if this was taking place in 2014, you’re saying that this winter feels like 2013, but it doesn’t really matter, because it also feels like 2012 and 2011 etc.
This makes a difference, because the first way, it’s saying that there was an event that happened in 2013 that makes it actually define “winter” for you forever. In the first one, winter 2015 will feel like winter 2013 and so will 2016 and so on. They will ALL feel like 2013 specifically.
Can you see the dilemma?
I suggest that you find some way to specify this—if it’s important to you. Just because it’s important to me doesn’t me it has to be important to you.

I’m confused at the space before “through.” Also, maybe some commas would be nice after your “Every” lines.

I like your ending, how you tie everything together with a slick pun.

Great job, I don’t have any more complaints.
Keep writing!

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Points: 7676
Reviews: 93

Sun Nov 30, 2014 12:52 am
emeraldfox wrote a review...

Hello, Satira! I'm emeraldfox, representing Team EarthBenders this Review Day!

I liked this poem a lot. It was very calming to me for some reason. I liked how you included a question in the poem to give readers a way to interect with the piece. This was also a great time to post this, as winter is coming soon and it is starting to snow in some places.

I do have a few suggestions to make your great poem even better. If you described the snow, it might add a bit more imagery to give a picture of the snowy scene. Also, you should watch your use of punctuation. "every winter/every year/every first snow." could use commas between "every year", "every winter", and "every first snow". Also, in the lines. "every first snow./looks just like the last one" you should not have a period after "snow" because "looks just like the last one" is a continuation of the phrase, "every first snow".

But besides the few things I suggested, your poem was very beautiful and I enjoyed reading and reviewing it!

"YWS is blue,
Our team is green.
We're the best reviewers
You've ever seen."
-@pendr for Team Earthbenders

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57 Reviews

Points: 246
Reviews: 57

Sat Nov 29, 2014 10:42 pm
Weymouth wrote a review...

Hey Satira! I'm Weymouth! Call me Wey :)

This is a nice little piece, i'm not usually a fan of short poems but this one caught my eye. Winter is always my favourite time of year, and you captured it so easily! Every winter does look and feel the same, it's all about the moments spent with people or by yourself, and I like how you captured that in the last 2 lines. It gives a kind of deeper, almost hidden meaning to the poem.

Another thing I like about it is that the reader gets a genuine feeling of conversation. It's not structured as a speech or a lecture or a story, it's set out as the writer directly conversing with the reader, which I think is a brilliant touch as it brings the reader closer into the poem and gets them directly involved by making them part of it.

I'm only going to nitpick a few little things, and that's because it's the point of reviews, so correct me if i'm wrong, it's only my opinion.

One big stanza is fine, but if you do that then punctuation is important. There seem to be full stops and ellipses in random places that interrupt the flow of the poem. Also, you could do with some capitalisation at the beginning of sentences, you could have done it deliberately to keep it conversational and informal, but it doesn't look quite right to me (sorry!)

Anyway, really good work Satira :) I hope I see more of your work soon, and if you keep it up then you can easily make the spotlight :D


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6 Reviews

Points: 609
Reviews: 6

Sat Nov 29, 2014 12:07 pm
catchafallingstar wrote a review...

I really like this poem! It has a nostalgic tone and I can relate to this special moment. You keep it quite light hearted but with a touch raw emotion that captures the moment that you are writing about.
Your use of full stops and ellipsis makes this short poem seem much longer because that punctuation makes me drag out the pauses between lines.
Overall you have a really great poem and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

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14 Reviews

Points: 352
Reviews: 14

Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:16 pm

this is a nice little poem! I like it! I especially like the last two lines. It's so true and complete. I like the alliteration with "every" keep on writing!
Stay awesome!,

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14 Reviews

Points: 352
Reviews: 14

Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:15 pm

this is a nice little poem! I like it! I especially like the last two lines. It's so true and complete. I like the alliteration with "every" keep on writing!
Stay awesome!,

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.