Young Writers Society

Haha, this is not a sad poem as you put it! I actually find it a bit amusing. And... A bit longing at the same time and I think that's a part of why I like it. One comment, people have probably troubled you about your asterisks in between, but indonthat too with different things for th spacing because it's messed up on YWS so don't sweat it. I really didn't find grammar errors at all so props to you.

I think this poem is nest because it has two sides like I stated I got from it. Funny and lonely. Antonyms. I think that's what makes poems so mysterious and meaningful is that you can out things together to mean something deep, but still have that essence of "awe". I really, again, like this poem for that. It also though speaks of stories, perhaps, I percieve in my world, missing simple things like bedtime stories. Missing being young and simple. Lonely from the past, lonely from he future. Again this has mixed meanings, I like it.

So overall, this is a lovely poem I enjoyed. You did a great job and I really want to her more poems of yours. I'm looking forward to see what you come up with!

~ Music

Hello, Chips here with a review!

Firstly congratulations on getting featured, it was well deserved. I really, liked this poem, its seems like a topic many people could relate with and it appears to be quite a personal and poignant piece of poetry. The title was interesting as it was intriguing, it drew the reader in to desire to know more.

I'll review this stanza by stanza.

"I like to listen to audiobooks, because I miss hearing people speak to me.
I miss when we could skip the halting questions,
and the... awkward pauses."

The first line here was a little long compared to your other stanzas, which have the same uniform ending. I felt the first line could have been phrased in a less direct way as in poetry its better to show rather than tell. But it's an alright line. I really like the effect of the ellipses you used here to create emphasis, it fit well with the tone.


"I miss the life stories of friends,
that could be wrapped up in one huge breath.
I miss them needing me."

I felt like this stanza is a reality for many people and it was conveyed in a clear and simple way. The use of italics was good, though italics do have a risk of being overused so perhaps using more powerful words in your vocabulary which really create effective imagery for the reader to garner more emotion.

"But instead,
I buy perfect, printed scripts for $16.95
on iTunes."

Loved these lines.

"I guess I'm okay with that for now."

I thought this line was a weak final one in comparison to the rest of the poem, the ending would be even better if it ended with a statement which really makes the reader think or ponder.

Overall, good job. I hope this review helped.

--Chips

Satira,

You've got something special here. It appeals to the right emotions. I think that certain people that read this might be a bit put off or at the very least confused by the idea of someone purchasing audiobooks simply to be spoken to, but those who have lived loneliness understand this piece wholeheartedly. In that way, I think you have a really clear audience here, and I think that is a very good thing. I personally love specificity like that.

I think overall the voice and tone was very, for lack of a better word, unpoetic. Before I offend you, let me tell you that the simplicity of language and avoidance of anything too flowery really adds to the lonely emotion of the entire thing. Sometimes poetry should be traditional, but more often than not it doesn't have to be. I think you've achieved a very nice balance between clearly being a poem and also telling a story.

Lastly, I understand that you likely did not set it up this way in order to maintain the three-line stanza structure. But to put an elipses before awkward pauses (to me) sort of disturbs the flow. I would have made the phrase "awkward pauses" an entirely different line, but as I said, the three-line stanzas work very well, so I don't think that this change is entirely necessary. I would consider other options to really accentuate the awkwardness of those pauses. That's just my opinion, though.

Your grammar was great, though I'm not a huge fan of grammar critiquing on poetry. Sometimes, a lack of punctuation and capitalization in poetry can be on purpose, but that's beside the point. I don't have any critiques anyway in that realm. I happen to think the language is stunning and perfectly selected.

There's something very bittersweet and beautiful about what you have here. Thank you for allowing me to read and critique it. Congratulations! Excellent job, love!

-Talia <3

I don’t generally review poetry as I don’t really have much experience of writing it (meaning I probably can’t give you any advice on the more technical aspects such as rhythm) but after reading this poem I thought it was definitely worth trying to do a review. As Nightcrawler said, poetry is quite tricky to review, but I’ll see what I can do.

As someone who sometimes listens to audiobooks, I could identify with the sentiments expressed in the poem, and the comfort of having a human voice telling you a story. I could almost detect a kind of obsession in the narrator, a real need to hear someone talking to them, to such an extent they might listen to the same story over and over again.

But instead,
I buy perfect, printed scripts for $16.95
on iTunes.

because I miss hearing people speak to me

I like hearing someone speak to me

Hey Satira! I saw your frustration about unhelpful reviews, and thought maybe I could give it a try. Poetry is very hard to review, so I'll try my best.

I found this a really interesting poem. When I first saw the title, I thought maybe it could be about a disabled person. Like someone who is blind or dyslexic or what not. My background includes a lot of interaction with disabled people, so that was just where my mind went. Nevertheless, it grabbed my attention. Funny, such a simple statement made me want to read this. So great job on the title.

Then I read the poem and it became clear to me that it wasn't a disability poem, but a story about disabled relationships. The very first sentence was intriguing. This poem was intriguing. It was the bare minimum of a story, but it made me interested in the background of this person. You didn't tell us flat out what happened, but gave just enough for the reader to fabricate their own story. A really unique approach to an average object, an audiobook, and then describing it in a way that makes it personal and heartfelt. It defines what an audiobook is in a different light. It is escape from past pains in relationships. It is a crutch for communication.

This poem, when first scanned, didn't seem that interesting, but then I read it again. I found more meaning in each sentence I reread, and I crafted a story for myself. I don't know if this is your story or one woven from your imagination, but you did a great job portraying it.

I was also was strangely attracted to the lines

I buy perfect, printed scripts for $16.95

on iTunes.

Hey! I'm here to review your poem. So, to start with, your punctuation and grammar was spot on! Congrats on that! But the message is really just not clear. I understand the poem was written to depict someone's misery and the feeling of being left alone, to not be needed by anyone. The feeling is all there, but the words aren't quite up to the whole depressing plot. On the whole, this poem was above average. I'd give it a 3/5!

Good luck to you!!
Please do check out my poems 'Just a Spark' and 'What is Life?'. Read, review, comment, like and please do FOLLOW me!! Enjoy!

~ SilverKnight007

Cool. I'm here to review.

This is average poem if not bad. I say this because you just said "GO AWAY TRANSPORTER!" in one of your replies. Speaking truth is always good. about this poem it was stretched, long, tire-some but still something engaging.

The grammar is good, language is fine and flow is average. Subject is realistic and fresh and it is delivered in an average way. Over all 5/10