two pairs
have come too late.
you see,
gloves without fingers
are dysfunctional
unless you need to hide something.
last year I did.
I needed them to hide.
but not anymore.
my wrists are
riddled with thin white lines
white, not red.
white for victory.
I don't need to hide.
but the gloves...
the gloves still give me comfort.
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would like to say that this poem reminds me of my friend who also cut but then after while she stopped and had thin white lines on her wrist. She also had fingerless gloves like you do in this poem. Anyway, i like to point out some things that are really amazing like the tone in this poem which is happiness and joyful that (I think) you got your gloves.
Also i could relate to this poem and i'm sure many other people could too since we all get mad and we want to cut but when something comes like fingerless gloves for example, we have to hide these winnings in our mind and in our soul since we don't want people to judge what we do or how we act. The gloves also (I think) symbolize the covering of something.
Also some people might not have the white lines on their wrists, but instead of red and they need gloves to hide the pain and suffering they are feeling.
Hope you enjoy,
CapitalMonday
Hello, darling! Here to review, so let's get to it.
While I understand perhaps "white, not red -- for victory", the final "white" feels out of place, kind of forced into its place on the line, and honestly quite useless where it is. And immediately after that, the line "I don't need to hide", pops out like a sore thumb because it calls back to the earlier lines, but it's not the repetition that the reader's been seeing for the last three, if that makes sense.First of all, I'd like to commend you for having a clear image in your mind of what you want to convey and actually working to convey it. It definitely leaves a more lasting impression on the reader than it would if you attempted to force other metaphors into the piece without truly thinking of the consequences of your words.
On the other hand, while this poem is of the delightfully simplistic and yet effective school, I feel like it goes a little underwhelming. Part of this is due to your repetition of the hiding, and the needing to hide, and the whiteness. I understand that the poem itself would be very personal, but at the same time, the repetition needs to be kept in check -- it's only effective in certain circumstances, and to a certain threshold. My biggest problem with it has to be in the three lines:
Other than that, I find little to comment on without going into the sphere of nitpicky or overly-analytical in a literary sense. I did enjoy reading this poem, and I found it relatable, but I do wish you'd take a bit into consideration and look at your diction and repetition a little bit more. It's an interesting topic, most definitely. Keep writing!
Hello the Satira! Unknown391625 here with a review!
Ok first off, I really like it! Very short, nice, neat, and simple. My only nitpick has to do with punctuation and capitalization. I find poems that have correct punctuation and capitalization great. On mostly all the lines, you started the first letter of the first word in lower case. When you finished that sentence, you punctuated it. That is really my only nitpick. Your topic is great! I like the format. And it tells more ways to utilize the gloves, even though they are fingerless. It doesn't rhyme, but it is still great! Nice work! I would like to see more of your literary poetic masterpieces. Don't give up and always write, Satira
-Unknown391625
Why try to hide the things that once brought you comfort before? Mine are still red & will continue to be, but I carry them proudly like battle scars.
well, I see my scars as something beautiful, and I would not erase them, ever. But I do NOT see them as something to be proud of, because they come from a very dark part of myself that I don't like people to see. They come from a very ugly and terrifying time, and the people who saw them were hurt by them almost as much as they hurt me. I used to be pretty proud of my scars until I realized what they did to people.
The cuts never gave me comfort. They were a distraction, and there are a thousand other, less destructive ways of being distracted. All my best drawings are done when I feel deep emotions, like sadness or loneliness. But, you know, I write best when I'm happy.
Please try to be happy. It's not as bad as you think it is.
Oh kay I guess I never really thought about it that way. thanks <3<
How to tell you what the reader is thinking hmmmm..... *intakes gulp of air*
HOLY SHITAKI MUSHROOM THIS WAS INCREDIBLE, SHORT, ELEGANT, AND RELATABLE IT WAS LIKE I WAS ENGULFED IN SHEER AMAZEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that my dysfunctional rant is done(lol) lets get stared with this review shall we?
So starting off this poem I can't fathom how no one has read this yet was short, simple, yet pacted a whollop. I love how this is personal to you how you can clearly see your voice and its beautiful. My favorite lines are these.
"white for victory"
"but the gloves...
the gloves still give me comfort."
These lines are comforting and let us see the type of character the speaker is, it makes the reader want to hug the speaker like congrats for being you.
Only suggestion I would say, though im Stating you do not need to listen to this whatsoever is to space when you say but not anymore as a new stanza because you do shift tones. you went from I used to use them to hide, but not anymore. This is the only con I see in this incredible poem. Keep writing and have a happy holiday
~Fallen
haha, thank you, I'm glad you liked it.