He ditches me when I sing,
He ditches when I write an exam,
He ditches me with a evil smile and wants to see how loud I cry.
I yearn for him and cry out loud so he hears my sound.
And helps me out but he just never come around.
Now I know it will never support me eve if I hang upside down on that mango tree.
Its getting too much now I feel as if I will drown in the ocean of sadness.
I do not know why it supports that proud greedy fellow when I am sitting helping a poor fellow.
I do not why it supports that rich woman pushing her heels down her servants throat,
When I am sitting here all alone.
So I beg to you to stop ditching me my Confidence...
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hey, SINGHAM! This is a nice poem you got here.
So, first off, I wanna talk to you about the rhyming here. There doesn't seem to be much rhyme scheme, although sometimes, randomly, it pops up. Like those two lines ending with "sound" and "around". Also that "never support me eve*n if I hang upside down on that mango tree." Did you mean for that to rhyme? I would like to know. Oh, also, if you didn't notice, I fixed that small typo you had there.
Also, in the seventh line, "its" should be "it's." Easy mistake. And finally, did you mean to capitalize confidence in the last line? I'm not sure if you did.
Other than that, this was great! I really like the idea, and the title was intriguing. Good choice for it. The poem's meaning was quite good, and I like how you used personification to represent confidence. How you explained it to us was amazing. Good job and keep writing, SINGHAM!
-Artemis28
Hey, NewYork here for a review.
There are some grammatical errors in here like *eve if I hang" and "never come around" and "I do not why". Otherwise, I love this poem. It is very relatable because anybody can relate to being ditched, especially me. Stay strong and keep on writing !
Hey SINGHAM,
This is a really nice poem. It is something that grabs the reader's interest till the last line discloses the ditcher. With every line I was guessing a new ditcher, memory, intelligence etc. But I never thought it would turn out to be confidence, so it was like a surprise in the end which made me want to read the poem again. It's a good poem but you just need to edit more carefully. There are a few typos and missing words. The impact of this poem would have been more if you had phrased and presented it a bit differently. But that's fine as far as it's a good poem. Happy writing
-Ishita Dutt
www.thebipolarbeing.blogspot.com
Hi, singh...reading and reviewing your another work
Alright, first the title is good. Your theme is nice. It seems like you write from your simple yet true feelings and experience, which is a good thing. I really appreciate it.
There are some grammatical mistakes. So, read the poem again and find out them and edit.
The line, "Now I know it will never support me even if I hang upside down on that mango tree" seems too long to me. I would add a comma like this, "never support me, even if i.."
In the next time, " It's getting too much now I feel as if I will drown in the ocean of sadness", I would like a comma to separate "It's getting too much now" and "I feel as if I will drown in the ocean of sadness"
Ok, I have already said the theme is great. But a great theme needs to be decorated differently...I'm not saying you failed to do that. Just saying that I would like the lines a little bit more "deep"...
The last thing and the most important one...Confidence is not a thing that comes to you or ditches you. It's a part of you, hidden inside you. You have to call it. YOU have to find it and it will never ditch you. Be positive,dude..
Good news is you have improved.