Young Writers Society

Hello there! cleverclogs here to drop a...

Review Day review!

So, let's begin.

I really enjoyed the message that this poem gives, but I feel like it's lacking something. After a while the repetition of "do less x and pay more attention to x" gets well, too repetitive. I think there should be something to shake it up every now and then. The formula you use is fine at first, but after a stanza or two it becomes less of a poem and more of a lecture. It restricts your ability to use poetic language in a way, because you have to fit the "do less x, pay more attention to x" format. I'd recommend adding something like a bridge in a song to provide a contrast to the format you've set up. You could do something like explain why people should do less of something and pay more attention to something else.

I also agree with CuriosityCat in that your poem doesn't really have a theme other than self-help. The lack of a theme also makes your ending very anticlimactic. I feel like you could introduce an idea in the beginning that you build upon for the rest of the poem, and then make the payoff in the last stanza. That would give your poem more of a poetic line.

In terms of grammar, this was very well-punctuated and capitalized. My only recommendation would be to experiment with other types of capitalization. Capitalizing every line is a perfectly acceptable method in poetry, but you could try capitalizing it as you would if the poem were prose. That would mean making the word "and" lowercase in every instance in this poem. I'm only saying this because that's my personal preference. Capitalization in poetry is always subjective.

In summary, this poem has POETential (see what I did there?), but the structure ultimately restricts it from delivering emotionally. Keep on writing!

I love this poem. It just means so much to me, to stop doing something, and just enjoy that you're alive when you are, this is such a positive poem, it feels unique, and I took these words to heart when I was reading. It really is talking about the flaws of humanity, and to get rid of them, by just enjoying what you already have, and stop worrying about the future, I love the meaning of the poem, it's what makes it so great.

Hey there! Wonderful job you've done here!

First, there's a big space between "Do less thinking" and the next line, "And pay more attention to your heart". None of the other lines have this. Is this accidental?

Just a little nitpicky thing, I think you should capitalize the "l" in "less" in the title. But that might just be me.

And for anything else I have to say for corrections, I think that CuriosityCat got the rest.

I really like that you wrote this poem. Everything you talk about rings true in life, and it's a reminder to be yourself, not to be selfish, to be nice to others, and to slow down in life and be calm. I really liked this, since it's so simple yet powerful. Great job, and keep it up!

Hello, Singham! This is Cat, and I'm here to review your poem! Welcome to Young Writers Society! (I know it's a little late, but I thought I should mention it.)

Now, there are a lot of things about this poem that I love. For example, how you made every line that starts with "And pay more attention to..." have a different implication. In the second line, it's about listening to you heart, and in the fourth, it's about remembering to enjoy the the things you already have. Same words, different message. Genius!

More good news! I didn't see any typos! YAY! So, no nitpicks on that front, which is awesome.

Now, the nitpicking begins. I think that you should remove the extra space between the first two lines. It sets a weird example for the rest of the poem, because the rest of the lines are not like that. Did you put it in for extra emphasis? Because I promise those lines are powerful enough on their own.

Another thing: you might make each set of lines a stanza. When I read this, I feel like they should be grouped together by some kind of theme, but they aren't, so if they were on their own, it might be easier to process, if that makes any sense. Honestly, you can choose to ignore this one. It's all in my head, anyway.

In line twelve, I think you should change "forgiveness" to "forgiving". The verb makes more sense in this setting.

Finally, in the last line, you can take away the period. It makes the whole thing look like a run-on sentence. The lack of punctuation in the other lines is really powerful, and you should stick with it!

Write on!

~CuriousityKilledTheCat