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Hi!

Nothing is needed in return.

Yes, this is grammatically correct, but it doesn't sound very good as said by Kerani. Or anyone at all, for that matter – people don't just speak like this anymore. Though this would better suit Ajia than Kerani, I think. Maybe you should change it to "I don't need anything in return" or something similar.

“Take this then. If you press it between velum it should be preserved.”

Put commas after "this" and "velum".

Kerani left then. If she stayed any longer she wouldn’t leave. She knew she wouldn’t.

Change it to "Then Kerani left", put a comma after "longer" and ditch the last sentence – it's just redundant.

People were leaving more then going.

More than.

“Well, that’s reason enough, I s’pose.

I think "Well, that's a reason good enough, I s'pose" would sound better. =)

“Of course I want to continue!” She snapped.

“How early do I have to get up tomorrow?” She asked wearily.

“On the way to Shenora.” She grumbled.

Uncapitalize the "she"s and replace the period after "Shenora" with a comma. Even though the "she snapped/asked/grumbled" would start a new sentence in principle, they should still be uncapitalized.

“Kerani, if you think things will be horrible they will be.” He said kindly.

Put a comma after "horrible" and uncapitalize the "he".

Have you spent time with them when they’re at their best?!

No need for the exclamation mark; the question mark is enough.

These ‘wonderful’ men are sending me away.” She wiped her eyes, trying to retrieve her self-control. “What’ll stop the Prince from sending me away, then? Supposedly ‘wonderful’ men do it all the time.”

I don't think you need the quotation marks in the last "wonderful", you can leave them away. That'll emphasize the irony in her voice.

Kerani’s mind filled with women who had suddenly vanished from history.

The women don't fill her mind, but the thoughts do, so change it to "Kerani's mind filled with images [for example] of women...". I would've suggested "memories" but I don't think she'd remember her great-great-great...grandmothers very well

The only things that weren’t were her warmest clothes.

Comma after "weren't".

Since they didn’t get washed as often as her other clothes she needed that many.

Comma after "clothes".

As she put on her nightshirt and let her mind wandercomma [s]S[/s]she reminded herself that Hasin would be in Shenora.

Kerani didn’t let herself wonder if maybe he’d never come to visit because he couldn’t stand it here.

I'd change this to "whether he never came to visit".


Overall:

This was a rather good chapter! Kerani's character develops all the time and I like reading this story, it's so different. As you can see, many of the things I've corrected have something to do with punctuation, and that's quite an easy thing to improve on. So with a little more practice, you'll become very good. Good luck and keep writing!


Demeter xxx