.

♥.

This is going to be a short analysis of meaning and a comment or two on potency.

The premise is strong and relatively fresh: with my words, I can hold back the hands of fate, at least for my own emotions. This is a strong concept and is executed fairly well, but what I find lacking in this piece is emotional connectivity. If you'll recall, the last poem of yours, Hollow Body, delivered a pain to the reader because of your execution of the premise of this piece. So I'd like to consider this a sort of prelude to Hollow Body, as it fits the same gene pool. That said, I do wish this delivered more emotional depth, but there's simply no fleshy, non-abstracted anchor for me to hold onto.

For a more basic comparison, there is no dying grandfather, as it were.

If read together with Hollow Body, it makes more sense emotionally, though the potency of the former gets muddled as it averages out with this. Essentially, I want something to sink my teeth into, and this piece fails to deliver. I think there is room in the flow for more substance, but I'd like your thoughts on it in retrospect.

Things to consider,
Ty

Hey! ajruby from the Reviewing Ravens here to, well, review!!

Mm, you just gotta have some poetry that's different sometimes. And this was so interesting! (It perked my inspiration up for a piece I'm working on.) Just a few things I'd like to point out...

1. "to the point it looks like something
you could maybe use if you was careful" Should be were.

2. The whole second paragraph was a bit choppy and kinda lost me, especially near the end. Maybe change some of the lines, add more words, etc.

But overall, this was a very intriguing and interesting piece, so excellent job on that! Just as an idea, I would work on flow more than anything else in the poem. If a poem doesn't flow, then it's not much good, normally.

Keep up the good work and I hope to see more like this (or not like this) in the future!

-ajruby (The Silver Lady)

Hey violet! Man this was a really awesome poem. The fear of unfavorable change, right? "If something is left unfinished than maybe I can put the out come in my favor." Or, "A story is not finished until it's done so let me take joy in the present before the future comes to take it away." That the kind of mind set I get from this poem. In a way it's almost seems fit for the personality of a writer especially where you wrote, "the snatches i capture in words aren't ready for history yet;" speaking of lines, where you wrote, "you could maybe use if you was careful." It's supposed to be were, though I suppose you already know that. "I seceretly hope that if the words remained unfinished I can somehow change the future and hold death's scythe." Despite seeming morbid this line gives off a feeling of, "Maybe if o had done this instead of that there would of been a happier ending." Regret is a very powerful emotion which is why I love your poem. I can't wait to read more of your stuff!!! Keep calm and write on!!! =^_^=

heya Rosey.
Nice little piece here! Thanks for separating the stanzas! Really like that.
On the topic of format, though, I might quickly suggest that when you have a line such as:
"a piece unfinished, the emotional threads"
You break it up where the comma begins. For the flow, it makes more sense to me.

But- the important-er thing- content!
I love the message you portray in this poem. As an author/aspiring poet, I totally get it! I feel and connect deeply with it, and that's what's so important.

I love the words you use, like "tapestry" and "scythe". Powerful, uncommon, beautiful words. My favorite kind

I also really like how the last 'line' [or thought or whatever I should call it] is parenthesized. Not really sure why I like it, particularly, but I do.

Usually in poems I can always find room for more imagery/depiction/description, which this poem honestly doesn't have a whole lot of, but...you don't really need it. I really think most of the content here is how it should be. Good job.

One question though: I notice many, many poems here on YWS don't have capitalization and none or very little punctuation. I've never really understood it, unless the reason is quite evident (which it usually isn't). Could you explain why you chose to eliminate capitalization/punctuation where you did? If there isn't really much of a meaning to it otherwise I just say use normal conventions.

That's about it. Cool poem! Hope I helped!

~iron.n