I walk into my house, painted the exact color of the sky. In fact, the house is painted with clouds and the clouds are moving. A pit of darkness is in my stomach. Today had not been good.
This is the bane of my life. I have been born to a family with completely useless powers.
The moving paint is kudos to my little sister. She can make anything a different color than what it is. Useful, right?
I pull open the door, painted a bright pink, and I see my grandma in a muumuu and a tutu. I rest my face on my hand and moan. Grandma: able to be doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
I carefully walk by her, and grandma’s foot shoots out as she starts to dance. She still hasn’t learned how to control her powers yet, and she’s 95. I trip and fall flat on my face, but by now I’m used to it, because I fall like this every time I pass her. I pick myself up, and she starts singing opera, only adding to my splitting headache.
We were the laughing-stock of the town.
My mom’s power to causes the villains to be covered with paper cuts.
Dad’s power is similar; he causes them to breakout in slightly irritating zits, pimples, and other assorted acne.
My brother’s power is probably the best. He can cause any electrical device to crash, just by looking at it. He hasn’t mastered his power either, so he walks around blindfolded all day.
I stare at a dent in the wall that he ran into at full speed one day.
I sigh again and rest my own head in the indentation.
My power is most useless by far.
I find missing socks in the dryer.
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138,424 Literary Works • 672,118 Reviews
Hahaha this is the most amusing short story I have read in a long time. I love how in your description you say; "not your average superhero family" that is just funny.
The types of powers you came up with for the family members are really clever, I like the granny she's a real laugh.
I think the best part of the story by far is the build up to mentioning what the narrator's power is. I cracked up at the revelation "finding missing socks" power.
You have a knack for humourous writing, keep it up.
At first, I thought this will be a "super powers which are not super powers but over exaggerated failure", but it was not. This is a creative, bright idea. I honestly love it. Good job and keep it up
WOW! I really didn't expect to be laughing out loud by the end of this...but I was! Especially through the lines;
"My brother’s power is probably the best. He can cause any electrical device to crash, just by looking at it. He hasn't mastered his power either, so he walks around blindfolded all day."
You're a really great writer! I wish this wasn't just a short story and there was more for me to read. It's a great idea and you should expand on it.
I really want to meet the brother! Please?
Good luck & feel free to look at any of my works if you have the time
This truly is a great short! It's simple but well written. With just enough humor to make me snort a few times.
I could read pieces like this all day! Very similar to something a friend of mine would write.
I really like the layout of this. It's seems like a preview of sorts.
Also the sense of a subtle (but still there (yahh that's what subtle means but still..) listing.
Anyway I adore this piece. I'll definitely be looking at more of your stories!
O.M.GOSH!!!!!
I LOVE THE HECK OUT OF THIS PIECE!!
MAGNIFICENT!!
If you love this this type of writing, as do I, you have just GOT to read the Alcatraz vs the Evil Librarians series.
HYSTERICAL!!
Just the sort of thing I would write!!
I especially love how you make us wait 'till the end to hear "narrators" power. Probably my favorite of them all!!
GENIUS!!!!
Hello! I love this piece, it is a very clever idea! I am hoping that you plan to write more, because it sounds like it is off to a great start!
First, I think that if you plan to write more, look into describing the characters more, as well as the setting. I don't know anything about the characters other than the powers and what relation they have to the main character.
Second, I enjoyed the description of the house.
I was wondering, when you said that they "used to be the laughing stock", does that mean that they aren't anymore?
Again, very clever idea and well written!
Tell me if you continue!
~GC
Hi! This is awesome! I love it! But I do have some critiques. First, its too short! You totally had me hooked, and then its done! I do hope you continue. Also, whats the Grandma's power? All I got is she does the wrong thing at the wrong time. But all in all it was a successful piece! It had be laughing but also had me feeling sorry for the narrator. It also had me wondering what the standard for powers were if this families were worth laughing at.
Please let me know when of if you continue this piece!
~SB~
Hello,
This piece is adorable and it made me smile. It's a refreshing twist on what we might normally think of a superhero. You have a strong voice and interesting characters, and I think this piece definitely has a lot of potential for expansion.
Because it's too short to do much good as it is right now. Nothing really happens. As soon as you introduce the characters, the story is over. You've intrigued me with your premise, and now I want to know more! I think there is a lot you can do with this story. Are there "real" superheroes who others in the community compare this family against? What do they think about the situation in which they're in? What is each person in the family like? Is there a threat that nobody else can face that they're not prepared for?
As a whole, though, this is delightful, and a great start. Please let me know if you write more because I'd love to read it! Best of luck!
I really like this! Had me laughing out loud! You are really able to bring comedy to paper! Please continue writing, I would love to see multiple short stories about this funny family. it is definitely an original idea, and you really should expand on it! Grammar is great, the only part I didn't like was that there wasn't more to read! As always, good luck to you and your writing. I hope to see more of this!
Okay, so in general, I really liked this. It was short and simple, kept my attention rather than making me wonder when it was going to end. The length appropriately matched the plot of the story, and that was good.
Also, I enjoyed the creativity that was displayed in your choice of powers. When you first introduced the idea that the family had useless powers, I had no expectation of those. I expected sort of useless powers that might have a casual, everyday use, but I liked that instead you had completely abnormal, unusual choices. This kept me reading because I simply wanted to find out what other useless powers you had thought up for the characters.
I liked the short thoughts that occurred. None of the sentences were too lengthy or wordy, so it was simple to read and understand, but it was also not too short so I didn't feel like I was reading a second grade story.
Overall, I rather enjoyed the story and I thought it was excellent. Good work.
Hi there Fortis! Starleene here to review this wonderful piece! So why don’t we get started?
I feel like this sentence can be edited a bit. If you want to consider it, maybe you can change it to something like: She can change the color of anything? In such a simple beginning you don’t want to try and think up different ways to say such simple sentences otherwise the reader will catch that right away.
Just pointing out the order of the story, in the beginning it says you already walked into the house. Just a small thing and can be easily fixed!
Love the imagery! So funny!
Is this her super power or is the MC being sarcastic?
Were? I believe you mean are?
.
My mom’s power is to cause the villains…
A little more detail here. You start off with really great detail in the beginning and then it kinda dwindles to just statements. Why was the brother running at full speed? Where is this dent in the wall?
I want to be friends with this person! My sock always disappear from the dryer!
Over all, I found it extremely comical! I would love to read more when you post it.
I think that you have great sentence fluency and word choice you just need to remember to add a little more details and descriptions so it catches the reader’s attention!
If you need anything else reviewed shoot me a PM! Don't be a stranger!
Starleene out.
Very funny!
I actually enjoy stories with powers and mutations, and things like that. this story is pretty entertaining and humorous.
You gave some good vivid details, and didn't have spelling mistakes. So very good.
The only thing I have trouble understanding is the main character. First off, you didn't describe him or her. In fact, you didn't describe how any of your characters looked. If you describe the characters looks(or thoughts,personalities, and actions) the story would seem very more realistic. This would also create more imagery and make the story more fun and easier to visualize. And if you mentioned the characters names(even their 'superhero' names) the story would of been more realistic.
Also, I was a little confused about the main characters power. Can he/she find missing socks in the dryer, or was he/she finding missing socks in the dryer as the story ended.
The story's plot was very good though, just remember to use better details to describe you characters.
So very good job indeed!
~NoOne
Hello fortis. jordin here with a review for you I sure hope it helps you out.
You walked into your house eh? Okay this was written in an incorrect fashion I think you should re write it like this "I walked into my house (Which was painted the exact color of the deep blue sky over head.)" and try to write in past tense...Well that is quit a super power I think that really does not need mastering.
Well this was good but needs to be larger, you also need to make it a little more different at the end like something it going to happen and the person who reads would want to read the next piece...
Hope that helped you out some.
Keep writing and good luck fortis.
~Jon~