Ripple!
This piece is quite the ache when you take all considerations at play. You are heavily successful at misleading the reader with the first two stanzas by creating this atmosphere of beauty and serenity that is often so omnipresent in musical reflections, but the true core of the piece isn't given until the twisting of the third and fourth stanzas, as though one could only see a wound by twisting a certain way.
In this respect, you deliver a piece that bespeaks nostalgia and a captured mind longing for the what-ifs and could've-beens. You succeed at this and I am glad you do because it's enjoyable to read through and absorb as gospel.
But it doesn't remain just a poem about one girl wanting one phase of her life back, as we're given the final line to hang onto and ache upon:
longing for lost time.
by which we're delivered a quiet, whispered cut of reflection regarding our own individual experiences and journeys, our failures and given-away desires. This line in particular spoke to me in the atmosphere you created, so I hope you'll forgive the lack of hard criticism. The real parts I would focus on would be the flow disrupted by symmetrical line breaks as opposed to purposeful, breath-cooperative breaking waves, and the experiments you could conduct with the point of view of the piece, perhaps bolstering the emotional connection through personal recount.
I do hope this helps. All the best,
Ty
Points: 1626
Reviews: 745
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