Young Writers Society


12+ Language

The Thief That Stole Excalibur (Part 5)

by RavenBlack


EXT. BEACH - CORNWALL - MORNING

LADY LUCK and LANCELOT arrive on the beach of the Celtic Sea. Ahead of them they can see the Isle of Lost Souls, covered in a thick fog of mist.

LADY LUCK

There it is - The Isle of Lost Souls.

LANCELOT becomes nervous. LADY LUCK notices it.

LADY LUCK

Are ye scared?

LANCELOT ignores her question and notices a man wearing a hooded cloak standing by the shore, a boat next to him.

LANCELOT

Who's that man?

LADY LUCK

I haven't the slightest idea. Let's find out.

LADY LUCK AND LANCELOT approach the HOODED MAN, who turns to greet them as they edge closer.

HOODED MAN

Why are you humans so eager to come here? I've taken so many of you across this sea in the last month, than I have in centuries.

LANCELOT

My brothers, the Knights of Camelot, you saw them?

HOODED MAN

Yes, I saw them.

LANCELOT

And did they ever come back?

HOODED MAN

If you too wish to cross, then you will soon find out.

LANCELOT becomes hesitant but has he ponders in silence, he finds his resolve.

LANCELOT

Take us across.

LADY LUCK and LANCELOT get into the boat and the HOODED MAN rows them across the Celtic Sea. When they pass through the fog, the sea becomes cloudy, a mystic grey. The sounds of crying and screams echo in the wind, the helpless calls of the souls of the dead.

HOODED MAN

Many have come here but most for the same reason. You two don't seem desperate to see those who you've lost to an untimely death.

LADY LUCK

Everyone who I care about is alive.

HOODED MAN

Are you sure about that?

LADY LUCK narrows her eyes puzzled by the HOODED MAN's answer. LANCELOT becomes curious.

LANCELOT

Who are you?

HOODED MAN

Some know me has Azrael, others call me Nephthys. I have many names but one purpose. I'm sure you're not that naive to know what that is.

LANCELOT chuckles to himself.

LANCELOT

Then this won't be the last time we meet, won't it?

HOODED MAN

I'm afraid not.

EXT. THE ISLE OF LOST SOULS - MORNING

The boat arrives on the shore of the isle. LANCELOT and LADY LUCK bid the HOODED MAN goodbye.

The first thing that draws their attention is the black sand. LADY LUCK picks some up in her hand and her skin immediately turns blue.

LADY LUCK

(shaking her hand)

Bloody hell, that's cold!

LANCELOT

What the hell is this place?

An open, black gate ahead of them sparks LANCELOT's attention, a vast forest behind it. He heads toward it but the piles of corpses that lay in front of the gate stops him in his tracks.

LANCELOT notices some of the bodies, some of them wore the emblem of King Arthur. But when he sees one holding onto a shield with three griffins he breaks down.

LANCELOT

(running to Gwaine's corpse)

Gwaine!

Cradling Gwaine's body in his arms, LANCELOT can't hold back the tears.

LADY LUCK surveys the dead bodies.

LADY LUCK

They didn't even make it through the gate.

LANCELOT

They were all so young, they had their whole lives ahead of them yet this is how they'll be remembered - names on a list of those who didn't return from this forsaken island.

LADY LUCK stares at the gate, it's open bars taunting her forward.

LADY LUCK

I'm going to change that.

LANCELOT

Stop!

LANCELOT gets up and grabs LADY LUCK's arm.

LANCELOT

Why are you so eager to die, huh? Are these corpses not proof enough that you'll not make it passed that gate?

LADY LUCK

Why are ye so eager to go back to Camelot empty-handed? You've been waiting for an excuse to return and now that ye have one you're so quick to turn back. Well not me, I'm not going back without that sword!

LANCELOT

Are you crazy? What makes you think that you'll make it through?

LADY LUCK

Haven't you heard, Lancelot?

LADY LUCK twist her arm out of LANCELOT's grip.

LADY LUCK

(winks)

I'm lucky.

LANCELOT watches horrified has LADY LUCK approaches the gate. LADY LUCK is even slightly hesitant to walk through it as she nears closer. But closing her eyes she takes a huge step and pass through the gate alive.

LADY LUCK dances with joy and relief at the realisation that she's still alive.

LANCELOT

You're still alive?

LADY LUCK

I'm still alive.

(offering her hand)

You coming or not?

LANCELOT ponders for a moment, still shocked by what he just witnessed. He looks at the bodies of his comrades on the ground.

ARTHUR (V.O)

If you don't come back with Excalibur, Lancelot. Don't come back at all.

LANCELOT clenches his fist at the memory of ARTHUR's warning.

Taking a deep breath LANCELOT brings himself to a tranquil state before taking LADY LUCK'S hand as she guides him safely through the gate.

LANCELOT

I'm alive.

LADY LUCK

See wasn't that bad, was it?

LANCELOT

Who the hell are you?

LADY LUCK

A lying, backstabbing, manipulative thief.

LANCELOT smirks at her response.

LADY LUCK

Now lets go and get what we came here for.

LANCELOT

Wait. I want to bury them first.

LADY LUCK

All of them?

LANCELOT

I can't just leave them here, they deserve a proper burial.

LADY LUCK huffs in annoyance has she watches LANCELOT uses his hands to dig up cold sand. When his hands go blue with cold, he opts to use his Gwaine's shield. But then something in the distance catches her eye, a small light in the forest. She can't make out what it is but when she rubs her eyes to clear her vision, the light is no longer there.

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User avatar
61 Reviews

Points: 4338
Reviews: 61

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Sun Feb 24, 2019 10:51 pm
OofOof1 wrote a review...



Your story is so amazing. I like how this is script form, because I never read scripts that much so when I read a script it's kind of fun to me. Anyway great job on the format.

Do I have feedback, do I have feedback. No oh, I don't have feedback. To me there was nothing wrong with the punctuation or anything in this script. Great job on that.

There is this long word I used to describe stuff like this that is super amazing that I can just use the word amazing.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

It's a word to say when you don't know what to say oh, because the story or poem or script is so amazing. Trust me this is a real word.




RavenBlack says...


Thank you so much for the review! Comments like this motivate me to continue this script, so thank you so much. I'm glad you like it!



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44 Reviews

Points: 2965
Reviews: 44

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Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:26 am
jster02 wrote a review...



So the hooded man is... death himself? That's what I gathered anyway. It makes sense that the man who ferries people to this deathly isle is the very same man who ferries them from the earth. That little detail makes this part all the more interesting. Without it, it would just be a minor scene, only really necessary to connect the more important plot points.

This scene left me with a few questions. Well, really just one. What exactly happened to the corpses at the gate, and why isn't whatever did that to them still there? I get that Lady Luck is, well, lucky, but even still. This isn't really a criticism, but rather a comment. There's nothing wrong with the fact that there's nothing there, I just felt it was interesting enough to note here.

Now for some actual suggestions...

covered in a thick fog of mist

This sentence feels a bit redundant. Fog and mist are pretty much the same thing (or, at least, quite similar), so it doesn't make sense to say "fog of mist." I'd recommend just saying "fog" or "mist."

You two don't seem desperate to see those who you've lost to an untimely death.

I was a little confused as to the meaning of this statement. I don't really know how to fix it because I don't quite understand it.

LANCELOT notices some of the bodies, some of them wore the emblem of King Arthur.

This sentence is unnecessarily long, and uses the word "some" a bit to much. You can easily fix this by saying something along the lines of: "LANCELOT notices some of the bodies wear the emblem of King Arthur." I'd give you a more open ended suggestion, but this is the only way I could think of to fix it. If you figure out something better, then by all means, use it.

LANCELOT

Who the hell are you?

LADY LUCK

A lying, backstabbing, manipulative thief.



There's nothing wrong with this, I just thought it has some interesting implications for foreshadowing. It makes me wonder if she's going to stab Lancelot in the back or something. Either way, great job on this so far, can't wait to see where you take this next.
-jster




RavenBlack says...


Thanks for the feedback! The thing with the corpses being in front of the gate was because even though the tales are told about lost souls of the dead residing there, no mortal can ever enter. Though I should've explained that better xD



jster02 says...


Ah, that makes more sense :)




Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything's different?
— C.S. Lewis