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12+ Violence

The Thief That Stole Excalibur (Part 6)

by RavenBlack


The forest is barren and silent. Trees are decaying and no wildlife lurks. It makes LADY LUCK uncomfortable.


It's quiet.


You don't say.


Never thought I'd have to steal from a place so barren again. It's quite poetic now that I think about it.

LANCELOT ignores LADY LUCK and continues to navigate his way through the forest.


Oh come on, Lancelot! Indulge me a little. I'm sure you've heard about the time I stole the Holy Grail from the King Fisher himself!


I don't listen to myths, let alone believe in them. Besides even if what you're saying is true, the King Fisher was an injured, old man. There's no glory or honour from stealing from someone who's incapable of defending himself.

LADY LUCK laughs.


Ye think a thief cares about honour?

LANCELOT scoffs.


Of course not.

The SOUND of LADY LUCK and LANCELOT's footsteps crush against the dead leaves as they revert back to being silent, which makes LADY LUCK uneasy.


Seriously it's way too quiet. Can't ye sing a song for me or something.

LANCELOT turns to face LADY LUCK


You're the one with the vielle-

Suddenly, a large Griffin swoops down towards them. LADY LUCK and LANCELOT manage to run out of the way, evading its attack.


I told ye it was too quiet!

As the Griffin turns back around, preparing to swoop down again, LANCELOT drops the bag full of food from around his shoulder and unsheathes his sword.


That creature looks like it's coming back around. Load your crossbow and wait for my mark.

LADY LUCK takes the bag of potions and vielle strapped to her back off her shoulders and loads her crossbow with an arrow.


I don't need ye to tell me what to do.

The Griffin swoops back down, towards LADY LUCK. LADY LUCK points her crossbow at the Griffin's torso, her eyes on LANCELOT.


I'm lucky remember.

Without looking, LADY LUCK releases the arrow but to her shock, despite it being aimed at the creature's torso, it flies over the Griffin's head.

LADY LUCK tries to load another arrow into the crossbow but the Griffin knocks her down before she could.


What the hell are you doing?

Quickly, LADY LUCK gets back up and scurries to her crossbow as the Griffin prepares to swoop back down. Lying on her back, she fires an arrow at the creature's head - it misses by a long shot. She fires another arrow at the Griffin's leg and again it misses.


Come on!

Suddenly, LADY LUCK's hands begin to shake, she can barely even hold the arrow in her hand.

The Griffin swoops back down, darting towards LADY LUCK.


Lady Luck, move!

The Griffin lands over LADY LUCK, it's large stuructre towering over her. LADY LUCK freezes with fear. Then the Griffin wraps it's claws around LADY LUCK, trapping her beneath it.

LANCELOT takes an defensive stance as the Griffin roars at him. He looks at LADY LUCK, worried.


We could use you're luck about now!

The Griffin tightens it's claws around LADY LUCK causing her to scream in pain, all the while looking at LANCELOT with a malicious glare.



LANCELOT looks at LADY LUCK then at the Griffin, it's eyes eyeing the food in the bag next to him. A spark fills LANCELOT's eyes and he reaches to get a piece of raw fish from the bag, the Griffin perks up as he does.

LANCELOT edges slowly towards the Griffin, the raw fish in his hand but the Griffin roars viciously at him. LANCELOT stops. Moving the fish side to side, LANCELOT notices the Griffin's attention stays on it.


Lady Luck, do you have any useful potions in that bag of yours?

LADY LUCK wheezes.


(whispers to himself)

I'll take that as a yes.


When or if this creature moves, I'm going to try and reach for your crossbow. This time you better not miss.

Again, LADY LUCK wheezes.

LANCELOT stares the Griffin dead in the eye and the Griffin exchanges the glare. Then LANCELOT throws the raw fish into the distance. The Griffin runs after it.

Quickly, LANCELOT runs over to the tree where LADY LUCK's bag is and searches through her it. He finds a bottle labelled, 'Hemlock' and shows it to LADY LUCK. She nods in agreement.

Rushing to LADY LUCK's side he loads her crossbow and places it in her hand.


Don't miss.


LANCELOT prepares himself as he hears the sound of the Griffin's footsteps grow louder, it was running back towards them.

When the Griffin comes back in view, it roars at LANCELOT. LANCELOT throws the bottle of Hemlock in the Griffin's mouth. After the Griffin reluctantly digests the bottle, it immediately becomes paralysed.


Do it now!

LADY LUCK gathers the strength to turn onto her side before aiming her crossbow at the Griffin's head. The Griffin cries as it crashes to the ground, it's eyes staring at LADY LUCK.

LADY LUCK's hands start to shake again, her finger hovering over the trigger. LANCELOT looks at her confused.


Lady Luck, pull the trigger!

The Griffin's eyes start to empty as if it's life was drawing away from it. LANCELOT approaches the creature, sword posed to give the finishing blow.



LANCELOT narrows his eyes at her.



The Griffin lies still - dead. LADY LUCK can't bare to watch.


Why didn't you pull the trigger?


It was going to die anyway. Hemlock is a poison, it did what it was meant to do. There was no need to intervene.

LADY LUCK pulls herself to her feet, biting her lip as she forces herself to hide the pain that it causes. LANCELOT cocks his head at her behaviour.


No need to intervene? That creature was trying to kill us!


It just wanted food!


Is that why you missed on purpose?


I didn't miss on purpose.


Right. I thought you said you were lucky.

LADY LUCK closes the gap between them, her eyes full of rage.


I am lucky.


So you say.

In the silence they both exchange menacing glares, until LANCELOT looks at the blood on LADY LUCK's clothes. LADY LUCK is arching uncomfortable forward.


Are you hurt?


Of course not. I'm lucky remember.

LADY LUCK straightens her posture and gathers her bag full of potions and her vielle. She looks at the corpse of the Griffin and an immense sadness fills her eyes.


Let's find a cave, we've travelled for a long time, we need rest.

LANCELOT leads the way through the forest, LADY LUCK following behind him.

LADY LUCK clutches her torso.


(whispers to herself)

Why didn't you protect me?

Is this a review?



User avatar
44 Reviews

Points: 2965
Reviews: 44

Tue Apr 09, 2019 10:46 pm
jster02 wrote a review...

I know it's been a while, but I'm back with another review. Sorry it took me so long, I got distracted with other things.

I really liked how this added to Lady Luck's character. The fact her luck failed is really interesting to me, as it raises some more questions as to how it works. Is it based on her desires? Or is there some strange magic in that place that's meddling with it? I'm quite curious to see how this plays out in the next additions to the story.

The Gryphons death made me feel a little sad. I felt like I could see it through Lady Luck's eyes, and feel what she was feeling, in a way. It's always refreshing to see characters who don't slaughter everything in their path without a second thought.

Compliments aside, I had a few nitpicks I wanted to mention:

LADY LUCK tries to load another arrow into the crossbow but the Griffin knocks her down before she could.

This is more of a grammatical thing than anything. The tense changes from present to past here, where it should have stayed consistent. I noticed that a couple times throughout, (although not enough to distract from the story itself). An easy way to fix this would be to replace "could" with "can." If you want some style points, you might say, "before she can get off a shot," or something similar.

The Griffin tightens it's claws around LADY LUCK causing her to scream in pain, all the while looking at LANCELOT with a malicious glare.

I was a little confused here as to was glaring at Lancelot. I assumed it was the griffin, but I really wasn't sure.

it's eyes eyeing the food in the bag next to him

This sentence feels a little repetitive. Perhaps there is a better way to put this without saying the word "eyes" twice? Something else I noticed, you describe the characters eyes quite a lot. This isn't bad necessarily, but it might help to describe a variety of body parts instead of just the one. (If you don't agree, feel free to ignore that last suggestion).

Anyways, it was a pleasure to get back to this story after so long. I'll probably review the next couple of sections pretty soon as well, (even if they've made it out of the green room by now).

RavenBlack says...

Hi jster02, it's nice to hear from you after so long :D Thanks for the review again, I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it interesting. I've been picking up on my confusion with tenses as of late as well - it's a bad habit of mine I need to fix but thanks for pointing it out for me.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts if you read the next chapter xD

jster02 says...

Of course! It's nice to be back, thank's for being so understanding

User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 7

Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:49 am
zeldalex wrote a review...


First of all, I really like the tension between Lady Luck and Lancelot. You do a great job of showing their different morals (I think probably the part where this is the absolute best is in the part about King Fisher. I jumped right into this chapter and that was a great character establishing moment, even if it wasn't necessarily meant to be). The action is also very nice: it's clean and easy to follow, so fight with the Griffin never feels too confusing. The only problems I can pick out is a few grammatical mistakes (some apostrophe errors: a quick double check of its/it's and your/you're should do it) but nothing that messes up the meaning of the story. I might also add something to lead into the Griffin's arrival: a mention of a flapping of wings or something a bit earlier on. The formatting is also excellent, by the way: it's very professional looking!

Thank you!

RavenBlack says...

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you could infer the tension between the two characters despite only reading this chapter! Shows I'm doing something right xD

I need to work on my proofreading, it's a bad habit of mine that I need to fix so thank you for point that out!

In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.
— Albus Dumbledore