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16+ Violence

The Thief That Stole Excalibur Camelot (Part 8)

by RavenBlack


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

INT. KING ARTHUR'S PALACE - THRONE ROOM - CAMELOT - DAY

ARTHUR is sitting on his throne, pondering, when NIMUEH enters the throne room.

NIMUEH

(walking towards the podium)

Is something troubling you, Your Majesty?

ARTHUR

I'm not troubled, just impatient.

NIMUEH stops at the bottom of the podium.

NIMUEH

And you have every right to be. But be patient, my King. Soon you will have what is rightfully yours.

Suddenly, the throne room doors swing open. ALLISTER, the King's Acting Lieutenant, runs in. He bows quickly and without grace before ARTHUR, his breath heavy. ARTHUR is irritated by his lack of respect but lets him off, realising something is wrong.

ARTHUR

Speak.

ALLISTER

The rebels - their numbers have increased in the northern region. Our spies have informed me that they're travelling to Cornwall. They're planning to amass an army...

ARTHUR clenches his fist.

ALLISTER

And King Cardoc is helping them.

ARTHUR jerks out of his seat.

ARTHUR

Didn't I tell you to make sure he knew his place?

ALLISTER begins to panic.

ALLISTER

I did as you commanded, Your Majesty.

ARTHUR descends down the steps of the podium and stands in front of ALLISTER, his eyes full of rage.

ALLISTER

Your Majesty-

ARTHUR drives his thumbs through ALLISTER's eyes, smiling as he screams. NIMUEH closes her eyes, unable to watch. WHEN ALLISTER becomes silent, ARTHUR throws his lifeless body to the floor and NIMUEH opens her eyes again.

ARTHUR

King Cardoc has some nerve defying me. If Lancelot was here, this would never have happened!

NIMUEH hearing ARTHUR mention LANCELOT, steps forward, adamant.

NIMUEH

Let me go to Cornwall, my King. I will teach this Cardoc a lesson.

ARTHUR

No. I need you here.

A faint smile edges on to NIMUEH's lips.

ARTHUR

(shouts)

Sir Kay!

Immediately, a hench, young man enters the throne room, a smug look on his face. NIMUEH rolls her eyes as he approaches them. SIR KAY, late 20s, senior noble and knight of the Round Table. Standing next to ARTHUR and NIMUEH, he towers over them.

SIR KAY bows exaggeratedly before ARTHUR.

SIR KAY

My great and honourable King.

SIR KAY looks at NIMUEH and reclines his posture. They both exchange scornful glares.

SIR KAY

Nimeuh.

Looking at the ALLISTER's corpse, SIR KAY smirks.

SIR KAY

I told you he'd only last a week.

ARTHUR

He barely lasted a day. I have a job for you.

SIR KAY cracks his knuckles in excitement.

SIR KAY

Does it involve breaking someone?

ARTHUR

Maybe. I need you to travel to Cornwall, King Cardoc needs to be reminded where his loyalties lie.

SIR KAY

As you wish, Your Majesty.

NIMUEH

Let me go with him, my King! I want to be of use to you and I cannot do that here.

SIR KAY

I don't need a witch who let a lowly thief slip between her fingers, accompany me. Though you'll be good sport for me and my men.

NIMUEH clenches her fist and white lightning crackles around her hands.

NIMUEH

Don't test me, boy.

SIR KAY laughs.

SIR KAY

You going to use that?

They both glare at each other in silence, SIR KAY's hand on the hilt of his sword.

ARTHUR

Continue your juvenile squabbling on your way to Cornwall. I tire of hearing the both of you speak.

NIMUEH kneels before ARTHUR, ashamed.

NIMUEH

Forgive me, Your Majesty.

ARTHUR scowls before walking out of the throne room.

NIMUEH

I will not let you down!

INT. HALLWAY

ARTHUR stops in the hallway and looks at his bloody hands. He recalls killing ALLISTER and the thrill of it excites him. With a grin on his face, he heads to the dungeons.

INT. DUNGEONS - MOMENTS LATER

Arriving in the dungeon, a group of rebels are lined up, their hands chained behind their back. ARTHUR walks down the line, surveying their faces. Most of them avoid eye contact, all except a young woman.

ARTHUR cocks his head, fascinated.

ARTHUR

Aren't you afraid of me?

YOUNG WOMAN

Why should I be?

ARTHUR crouches in front of her.

ARTHUR

Because I'm going to kill you.

YOUNG WOMAN

Good, I'm tired of living in a world with men like you.

ARTHUR is surprised by her response.

ARTHUR

So eager to die...You're not married are you?

The YOUNG WOMAN avoids ARTHUR's gaze.

ARTHUR

And you're parents...they abandoned you, didn't they?

Her expression becomes grave.

ARTHUR

You must feel so lonely. But don't worry, you aren't alone in that regard. I share your pain.

ARTHUR lifts her chin with his finger.

ARTHUR

Maybe we can help each other.

The YOUNG WOMAN becomes troubled.

CUT TO:

INT. DUNGEONS - MOMENTS LATER

ARTHUR throws a sword towards the YOUNG WOMAN, she catches it puzzled. In contrast to her, ARTHUR is armed with a rapier with a golden hilt.

The dungeon is empty, with only a few guards stationed at the corners of the room.

ARTHUR

Since I am a just and fair King, I will give you a chance to redeem yourself.

ARTHUR circles around her, like a predator playing with its prey.

ARTHUR

If you kill me, then you will have saved the kingdom from my tyranny. But if I kill you...

ARTHUR stops.

ARTHUR

Well, then you'll be dead.

Immediately, the YOUNG WOMAN lunges at him but ARTHUR easily twirls out of the way, slashing her clothes in the process. She launches at him again several times and each time he slices her clothing even more, until it was in tatters.

The YOUNG WOMAN looks down at her clothes, angrily and ARTHUR bows playfully.

Suddenly, his eyes grow darker, his stance aloof. The YOUNG WOMAN notices the change in his behaviour and she grows wary and hesitant.

ARTHUR delivers a flurry of fast strikes, all of which she struggles to deflect, his blade cutting into her skin. He dances around her like a feral dog, his eyes full of blood lust. Cutting at her knees, she drops to the floor, her pants soaked in a pool of blood.

The YOUNG WOMAN is so weak she can barely lift her head to look at ARTHUR as he approaches her. Using the tip of his rapier, he lifts her chin, his eyes glowering at her. Then slowly, he drives it through her neck till she's dead.

Taking his blade out of her neck, he wipes of her blood against her clothes. He takes a moment to gather himself.

ARTHUR

(to the guards)

Clean this up.

Immediately, they rush to the centre of the room. One of them take his rapier and the others drag the woman's body out of the dungeon.


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30 Reviews


Points: 3390
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Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:48 pm
jster02 wrote a review...



So Arthur is even more of a jerk than I thought. It was nice to see his character develop a little more (even if it was just more proof of his corruption). It's also nice to see you haven't forgotten about the rebellion subplot. I can't wait to see how you tie all this together. Speaking of which, I thought it was really clever how you transitioned from the last part to this one. You ended Part 7 with Lancelot and Lady Luck talking about King Arthur, and then cut right to a scene featuring him. Subtle, but smooth. This whole scene was pretty smoothly written, actually. It flowed really well.

I had to search a little to find anything that needed to be fixed, which is a good sign.

And you're parents...they abandoned you, didn't they?


How exactly does Arthur know this? It is never explained, he just sort of... guesses? Perhaps I missed something, but you may want to make this clearer.

In contrast to her, ARTHUR is armed with a rapier with a golden hilt.


I'm not sure contrast is the best fit. It feels a bit awkward. Maybe experiment with a few different words to see which one fits best?

Aside from that, great addition to the story. I'm really interested to see what made Arthur into such a tyrant. Can't wait to read more!

-Jster




RavenBlack says...


Thanks again for the review! This was one of my favourite chapters to write! Arthur is such an interesting character to develop!

To answer your question about his assumption about her being abandoned and unmarried, I was trying to imply that since such she's so eager to die, she has no one waiting for her at home or anyone to love her - he has that same feeling which brought him to that assumption. But I guess I should've explained that more.

I'll try to update the story by the end of the week so you're not waiting too long for the follow up xD Again thank you for the review!



jster02 says...


Wait a minute, It all makes sense now. I predict that you're going to reveal that Queen Guinevere died or something and it drove Arthur mad...?



RavenBlack says...


I guess you'll have to wait and see ;)



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Points: 3941
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Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:00 pm
kostia wrote a review...



Hello there.
I am Kostia here to give you a review for your script.

First of all I was pleased you wrote this in the form of a script, we really don't have enough around here. Other than that scripts are brief and easier to write than novels. The particular story is much better as a script because to be honest it wouldn't be an exactly original idea if it was a book.

With that being said it is true that I ve never seen Arthur featured as a cold hearted, brainless, irritating figure. All his fictional representations in fairytales usually portrait him as the good guy. You made him the villain, which at least gives your work some originality.

Other than that he really deserved the excalibur stolen from him!

Also I wanted to note that for such a small scene there is too much senseless killing in it. If you don't want to turn this into a black comedy of shorts I would suggest you to back off a little. The murders you described were both unexpected and senseless in a bad way.

Your grammar and structure is for the most part okay but you have a few spelling mistakes that I am sure you can correct after a reading.

Overall this wasn't a bad read. Maybe it wasn't of my taste, I prefer deep and original scripts. However it is catchy and if you back off a little with the splatter scenes it has some potential.

(Disclaimer: I don't mind blood or murder scenes it is just a bit odd for a king to do this out of sport when he has men that can do it for him. If that was set somewhere else I wouldn't mind it. Also as I said both murders described were irrational and senseless)

That's my over all opinion for your script. However it doesn't mean you have to change anything. A person's taste is subjective really. It would be wise to edit this though. Maybe try adding more things between the two murders so it doesn't come off so random and irrelevant. That's my suggestion. You don't have to follow it if you like it the way it is ;)

Happy writing!
Best regards
Kostia





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