INT. KING ARTHUR'S PALACE - CAMELOT - NIGHT
LADY LUCK is dragged into the throne room by the man who knocked her unconscious, LANCELOT DU LAC. He wears his black armour with discomfort. Unlike the soldiers in the tavern, he has a silver pauldron in the shape of a lion's head on his right shoulder and a grey cape with the King's emblem of a lion attached below it.
Sitting on a golden throne is ARTHUR PENDRAGON, mid 20s. His white hair is slicked back and on his head is a golden crown which he wears arrogantly. He's wearing black robes with golden decorations.
Standing on his left is NIMUEH, oriental, early 30s. Her long, white hair reaches her back. She's wearing black lipstick and heavy eyeliner. Her black gown intricate with green laces, like snakes coiling around her body.
LANCELOT pours a bucket of cold water over LADY LUCK, abruptly waking her open. She's disoriented and confused. But when she sees ARTHUR, she starts laughing.
LADY LUCK
I never thought I'd ever see you in person.
ARTHUR
And I never thought you'd be captured this easily.
ARTHUR's icy, blue eyes survey her coolly.
ARTHUR
I'm quite disappointed.
LADY LUCK
If it was this easy, it wouldn't have taken so long now would it?
ARTHUR scoffs.
ARTHUR
You must not fear death to be so...charismatic.
LADY LUCK
Nae, I fear death. But I'm not ready to go yet.
ARTHUR
More steals on the horizon?
LADY LUCK
Finally someone gets it! I think we're going to be good friends.
LANCELOT is unimpressed by LADY LUCK's nonchalant behaviour. But when ARTHUR stands and walks down the steps of the podium that his throne is on, the sound of his footsteps echoes through the hall and everyone becomes still.
ARTHUR stands in front of LADY LUCK who now avoids his gaze. ARTHUR grabs her face, pulling her to her feet and forcing her to look into his eyes.
ARTHUR
You must be tired. Pretending to be something you're not is quite exhausting, isn't it?
Beat.
ARTHUR
I want you to steal something for me.
ARTHUR leans towards her ear.
ARTHUR
I want you to steal Excalibur.
LADY LUCK's eyes widen.
ARTHUR
You know of it?
LADY LUCK nods.
ARTHUR releases his grip and LADY LUCK stretches her jaw.
LADY LUCK
Of course I do. But why would you want to steal something that already belongs to you?
ARTHUR grimaces at her comment.
ARTHUR
Maybe we could be friends you and I...if you stop asking question that don't concern you.
LADY LUCK
Yeah, I can do that. So, where is it?
Beat.
ARTHUR
On the Isle of Lost Souls.
LADY LUCK becomes pale with fear.
ARTHUR
Which I'm sure is nothing for the thief who stole from Merlin.
LADY LUCK
(nervously)
Of course not! Taking that Dragon's Egg was a piece of cake.
ARTHUR
Good.
ARTHUR turns and heads back to his throne.
LADY LUCK bites her lip.
LADY LUCK
But I want something in return.
ARTHUR halts.
ARTHUR
(turns his head slightly)
I don't think you're in any position to negotiate with me.
LADY LUCK
I think I am. You can't get that precious sword of yours without me. So, I think that means I'm viable to ask for whatever I want, don't you?
ARTHUR turns to face her.
ARTHUR
How about I don't kill you right now?
LADY LUCK
That's not a good idea-
LADY LUCK approaches ARTHUR but is immediately stopped by LANCELOT who stands in her way.
LANCELOT glares at LADY LUCK who looks sullen at ARTHUR.
ARTHUR
Lancelot.
At the mention of his name, LANCELOT reluctantly moves to the side. LADY LUCK smiles brashly at him before approaching ARTHUR.
LADY LUCK
If I die, Nimueh can't get her crystal back. And I know how important that crystal is.
NIMUEH clenches her fists.
NIMUEH
Let me kill her, Your Majesty. She's played us for long enough!
LADY LUCK
Nae, he knows he needs me. I wouldn't be here if he didn't.
NIMUEH
You don't know what you've done, girl. Stealing that crystal will be your undoing.
LADY LUCK
I've survived this long. I'm sure I'll be fine.
(crossing her fingers)
Fingers crossed.
ARTHUR looks to LANCELOT who shakes his head.
ARTHUR
(to LADY LUCK)
What do you want?
LADY LUCK
I want a royal pardon and a ship.
ARTHUR
A ship?
LADY LUCK
I won't ask, if you don't.
ARTHUR ponders for a moment.
ARTHUR
It's yours...if you manage to come back alive.
LADY LUCK
See, I knew you'd come around!
ARTHUR waves his hand and the guards in the room surround LADY LUCK.
ARTHUR
Escort her to her chambers.
The guards escort LADY LUCK out of the throne room.
ARTHUR looks to LANCELOT.
ARTHUR
You will go with her.
ARTHUR turns to leave.
LANCELOT
Arthur!
Hearing his name, ARTHUR stops. His eyes soften. NIMUEH seems envious.
LANCELOT
Are you unhappy with me? That Isle holds nothing but my grave.
ARTHUR's eyes fill with concern but when he turns to face LANCELOT, his eyes are cold.
ARTHUR
Are you afraid?
LANCELOT
Yes.
ARTHUR
Then you are a coward. I will not tolerate cowardice among my knights. Especially those of the Round Table.
ARTHUR leaves. NIMUEH following behind him.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
This caught me off guard in the best possible way. So it seems Arthur is not as honorable as he usually is in these sorts of stories. I like it a lot. You clearly know what you're doing in terms of plot. I only have a few minor complaints...
This feels a little awkward to me and doesn't really make sense. How does one wear a crown arrogantly? I might just be missing something obvious, but if I'm not you may want to take a second look at this.
This should be sullenly.
When I write reviews I try to look for more overarching problems so the author might fix them using their own creativity. But to be honest, I didn't really see anything wrong with this aside from what's listed above. And those are some really nitpicky things. This has got to be one of the best works I've seen on the site so far. (Granted, I haven't spent much time here, but even still). Maybe a more experienced writer might be able to find something I didn't, but I wouldn't know. Great job so far, can't wait to see more.
I'm so happy that Arthur's difference in personality got you off guard, especially since you're a fan of Arthurian legend! It's so fun to write him differently to how he's usually portrayed!
Thanks again for pointing out the little mistakes, I really need to start proof reading my work better xD
Of course!
Hi, Shikora here with a review.
Let's get to it.
So out of the chapter I only saw one thing that needs to be fixed.
The word in bold feels like it should be changed to, questions. It just fits the sentence a lot better.
But other then that this story was really good. I really like the way the plot is going at the moment, it's not moving along to slowly, so it keeps me interested. It's nice that you put a bit of description in your story, it helps me to connect with the characters and be abort of their world a lot better.
It would be nice if you could describe the characters a little more, but that's not a big thing. Now that I think about it, the name really did drew me in, and make me read your story. It tend to tell me what is in store, and yet I still come and read your story. It's really good that you get your readers attention like that.
I'm a bit unhappy that you left the chapter on the cliffhanger, but that's because I have to wait to read more until the next chapter is posted.
Well that's all from me today. I really loved reading and reviewing your chapter, and I hope to review some more, when ever you post your next chapter on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
Shikora.
Thanks for the feedback! Can't wait to hear your thoughts on any of the additional chapters!
Yeah me to, I can't wait.
The plot thickens! This is great. You definitely have me caught in this play/story. I am intrigued, anxious, curious and dying to find out what happens! I still believe that the plot is really good and you continue to execute it really well! I do want to find out more about Nimueh. She's aroused my curiosity and interest! Definitely looking forward to more!!