z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

The Thief That Stole Excalibur (Part 4)

by RavenBlack


EXT. VARIOUS PLACES

MONTAGE as LADY LUCK and LANCELOT travel through CAMELOT, passing through many villages and towns. Whenever LANCELOT saw anyone in need of help he would stop to help them or to give any money he had. LADY LUCK however, continued ahead and LANCELOT would have to catch up with her.

Throughout their journey they'll be instances in which LANCELOT witnesses her luck at first hand.

-When crossing a old, rusty bridge that is certain to fall under the weight of both LADY LUCK and her horse, LANCELOT warns her not to cross. Yet she does and nothing happens. But when LANCELOT attempts to cross, the mere weight of his horse's hooves make the bridge collapse and he has to find another way around.

-LADY LUCK mentions how the silence between them is making her bored and how she wishes she brought a vielle with her. Then to her surprise she sees a vielle, in tact, hidden in a bush and takes it for herself.

-During their journey, it begins to rain and despite not having anything to cover herself from it, LADY LUCK is untouched by the rain.

END OF MONTAGE

EXT. VILLAGE - CORNWALL - NIGHT

After days of riding, LADY LUCK and LANCELOT make it to a village not far from the Isle of the Lost. Most of the villagers are outside, gathered around a podium on which an older woman stood.

The older woman is dressed in a tunic and pants, a sword strapped around her waist. There are others like her, wearing light armour and had some form of a weapon on them.

LADY LUCK and LANCELOT dismount from their horses, making sure not to draw attention to themselves as they hide behind a house and listen to the OLDER WOMAN speak.

OLDER WOMAN

I remember it as if it was yesterday. The weeks of revolts, the chaos, the anger. We made those Kings and Lords listen, they had no choice not too.

Beat.

OLDER WOMAN

Then the Promised Child came forth, he understood our cries and he promised us freedom. What a day that was.

The OLDER WOMAN's eyes grew darker.

OLDER WOMAN

But he lied to us.

MAN#1

Liar!

OLDER WOMAN

He murdered his own people!

MAN#2

Murderer!

OLDER WOMAN

He betrayed our trust!

WOMAN#1

Traitor!

OLDER WOMAN

What type of King does that to his own people?

LANCELOT watches the OLDER WOMAN speak with guilty-ridden eyes.

LADY LUCK

Tough crowd, huh. They sure do hate the King.

LANCELOT

Don't you?

LADY LUCK

Nae, he's a decent bloke.

LANCELOT is disappointed and visibly shocked by LADY LUCK's answer.

LANCELOT

You don't honestly believe that, do you?

                                                                    LADY LUCK

                                    Fuck no! But he's going to make me famous. So for now...

                                                     (places her hands on her chest)

                                                          I love him with all me heart.

LANCELOT scorns at her comment and continues to listen to the angry crowd. LADY LUCK looks at him quizzically.

LADY LUCK

But I bet you hate him as much as they do.

LANCELOT

We should find a way passed the crowd. If anyone should recognise me, we're as good as dead.

LADY LUCK

I bet you'd love to see them put his head on a spike.

Immediately, LANCELOT grabs LADY LUCK and pins her to the wall behind her.

LANCELOT

You'd do well not to antagonise me.

LADY LUCK

A knight manhandling a Lady? I never thought I'd see the day.

LANCELOT releases his grip.

LANCELOT

You're not a Lady. You're a lying, backstabbing, manipulative thief.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER (O.S.)

What are you two doing?

LADY LUCK and LANCELOT turn around to see a young man behind them, looking at them rather suspiciously.

LANCELOT

Forgive us, we just got into an argument.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER narrows his eyes at them.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

I've never seen you two around here before.

LADY LUCK steps forward.

LADY LUCK

You wouldn't have. We're travellers, we're just passing through.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER surveys them.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

You don't look like travellers.

LANCELOT and LADY LUCK exchanges worried glances.

LADY LUCK

That's because we're merchants.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

But you just said you were travellers.

LADY LUCK approaches the YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

LADY LUCK

Ye got dreams, lad.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

Yeah, plenty.

LADY LUCK puts her arm around the YOUNG MALE VILLAGER's shoulder.

LADY LUCK

What do ye want to be when ye grow up?

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

A knight!

LADY LUCK

A knight, eh? Ye must a brave lad then.

YOUNG MALE VILLAGER

Sure am! They'll be no other knight like me. I'll be for the people and fight for the people. Not like the men in armour who walk around calling themselves knights.

LADY LUCK

See lad, that's what I was trying to tell ye. I'm a traveller but I want to be a merchant and you're a villager but ye want to be a knight.We should always say what we want to be, than dream of what could've been.

The YOUNG MALE VILLAGER nods his head profusely.

LADY LUCK

Now run along.

The YOUNG MALE VILLAGER runs towards the crowd.

LANCELOT looks at LADY LUCK impressed.

LADY LUCK

What did you say I was? Manipulative, I think was the word.

LANCELOT

Let's just get out of here.

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Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:49 am
keystrings wrote a review...



Hey there RavenBlack. Popping in to give this work of yours a second review to get it out of the Green Room.

I don't have too much experience with scripts, but this does seem to be in a slightly more relaxed state as in formatting goes, so that's a little interesting. Judging this to be a play on the Arthurian tales, I'm guessing that "Lady Luck" could be an OC, as the Lady of the Lake is really the only prominent character of that certain tale if I'm remembering correctly. That being said, I think it's neat to go on different routes with such old and classic stories, plus Lancelot being the lead in something seems pretty cool.

As a note, I haven't read any of the past chapters, so I don't have much context besides what I know about the actual legend. Another random note is that this work should be rated 18+ as that's the policy on YWS for any containing the f-word, just as a warning for any readers happening to pass by looking at works.

Continuing on, I find it interesting that there's a riot/rebellion just waiting to happen against the so-called King. I'm curious if the leader is Arthur or his father or someone else entirely. I'm assuming that Lancelot deserted the army/soldier position, for him to not wanting to be seen by anyone/the king especially? Or he's involved with the mentioned title of a thief with Excalibur. That makes for a chance to construct a neat character in this form of Lancelot, including having some interesting interactions with this Lady Luck person.

Overall, script forms are rare to see, so it's fun to read, and the classic Arthurian tale makes for neat little paths to spread out in search of different stories. Good luck, and nice job on this section.




RavenBlack says...


Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked the changes I made to the classic story of Excalibur, it was really fun to write!



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162 Reviews

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Sat Jan 26, 2019 3:18 pm
FireSpyGirl says...



Love it!




RavenBlack says...


Thank you!



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Sat Jan 26, 2019 12:55 am
jster02 wrote a review...



Just when I thought things couldn't get any more interesting. A rebellion against king Arthur! You have truly turned everything upside down. Anyways, let's get down to business...

When crossing a old, rusty bridge that is certain to fall under the weight of both LADY LUCK and her horse, LANCELOT warns her not to cross.


Lancelot warning her seems like something that would happen before she begins crossing. But you said this happened while they were already doing so. The sentence makes it seem as though they are both on the bridge at the same time as well, even though they are clearly not based on what happens next.

There are others like her, wearing light armour and had some form of a weapon on them.


Saying they "had some form of weapon on them" seems a bit awkward in this sentence. It breaks the parallel structure and the tense used in the story all at once. To fix this I'd recommend changing it to "carrying miscellaneous weapons," or something of the like.

LANCELOT is disappointed and visibly shocked by LADY LUCK's answer.


Saying "visibly shocked" feels a bit awkward. It might be best to remove the word "visibly" entirely, as the sentence would work just fine without it. You may even want to remove the entire sentence and instead show us Lancelot's emotions through his dialogue. But it's up to you. This is more of a stylistic suggestion than anything, so you could just ignore it entirely if you like.


That's all I saw that was wrong with this, but I want to point out something I thought was cool. I like'd how Lady Luck convinced the Young Male Villager to leave them be. It was really creative and did a great job showcasing her character. Anyways, can't wait for the next installment!
-Jster




RavenBlack says...


Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that Lady Luck's manipulation was plausible, I was worried that it wouldn't be. And I totally agree with all the points you've made, I'll use them to help refine my script :)




We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart