Young Writers Society

The plot just keeps getting deeper. I love the complexity of your characters; they seem so real! You have certainly proven yourself as a storyteller.

A few nitpicks, (because once again, that's all I could find).

The soldiers laugh as they walk away.

This might just be me, but I'm a little confused as to why they were laughing. There was nothing particularly funny about the situation that I could see. (Although I have been known to have jokes fly over my head in the past, so it might just be me). You might want to add an extra line of dialogue to help clarify what's going on.

VESQ was large and on the wild side of life

This statement seems a little vague for a description. Did you mean VESQ looked wild or was it a description of their character? If it's the former, you may want to edit the sentence for clarity. If it's the latter, it might be smart to remove his size form the equation entirely so that it's clear you are talking about personality. Better yet, show us their personality instead of simply telling us.

Mother and I always think with your asses than you do with your brains.

I can't quite tell what you're trying to say here. You may have been trying to say "our" instead of "your," but I'm not quite sure. (Maybe it was a typo)?

As LANCELOT and LADY LUCK ride out of the castle grounds, unbeknown to them, ARTHUR is watching from his window, a look of distraught in his icy, blue eyes.

This feels like a bit of a run on sentence. It might be wise to change it to something along the lines of: "LANCELOT and LADY LUCK ride out of the castle grounds. Unbeknownst to them, ARTHUR is watching from his window, a look of distraught in his icy, blue eyes."
That simple change breaks up the sentence and helps it flow a bit slower instead of letting it all run together.


Anyways, can't wait to read more of this! I've enjoyed every minute of it up to this point, which is really something. See you later!
-Jster

Hello, Shikora here with another review for your story.

I've been waiting a wile so I'm really excited to review this for you.

Now everything in this chapter was really fun and interesting to read. But there was one part I did have a small issue with.

KLIH (O.S)

Everyone knows who you are darling, no need to keep reminding them.

LADY LUCK turns around to see KLIH, the size of a pixie, climbing through the small barred window in her cell.

The thing is that Lady Luck had only been in that sell for really only a few seconds, and someone already has come to save here. What I'm trying to say is that it would be nice if she could be in there alone for a little wile thinking over what just happened and then she get saved. It will give you room to develop her character, and us as the reader it will allow us to connect with her sooner. I hope I explained that right.

But other then that, I really enjoyed reading your chapter, I can see the plot moving along really nicely. And I look forward to the next chapter. I do think you are letting us know a bit more about the characters little by little with every chapter. And I can't wait to see what to see what the characters will do in the next chapter.
I also really want to now how the relationship between NIMUEN and ARTHUR works.

Well that's all from me for now, I really liked reading and reviewing this chapter, and I wish you luck with the next one. I look forward to seeing another chapter on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora.