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16+ Language

The Thief That Stole Excalibur (Part 1)

by RavenBlack

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.


A tavern at the heart of the city of Camelot. Large stones and stone pillars make up most of its structure. Many horses are tied up outside - black horses.


Men clad in black armour fill the long tables, their presence smothering the joy that was once instilled. The musicians stop playing and the locals stop talking.


(to the bartender)

Get us all some ale, would ya!

At once, the bartender hurries to prepare drinks for the soldiers.


(to the musicians)

And play something cheery!

(to his companions)

It's been a fucking dreadful morning.

The musicians begin to play an ode about the story of a woman who has 'golden' fingers. With the music, the atmosphere returns to normal.


She's struck again, has she?


Yeah. And this time she's taken from the King's GrandWitch!


Nimueh? By the gods, how did she manage that?


I don't know but she's made us track her down since dawn.

(slams fist on the table)

I swear when I find her-


If you find her.

GAV glares at BROM. BROM raises his hands in surrender.


I'm just saying, Gav, no one's been able to catch her. They don't call her Lady Luck for nothing.

The bartender gives the soldiers large glasses of ale. GAV immediately scoffs his down.


She's not lucky, Brom.


Then how do you explain this? Tell him, Robin!


She did steal the stuffed carcass of the Questing Beast from King Pellinore's castle.


Maybe the guards weren't doing their jobs properly.


I heard that she walked right through that castle and back out, and all of them saw her but couldn't do anything.


That's nothing but money, Brom. Money can make a people vanish as quickly as it can make them rich.


But Nimueh is a witch and none of our men would ever give into bribery. No one's that brave to face the consequences. How did she slip past her?


I don't know, nor do I care.

(to bartender)

Hey! Get me another glass of ale!

BROM and ROBIN drink their glasses of ale as GAV waits impatiently for his to be served to him. Once it is, he again scoffs it down in a hurry.

A woman stands from her seat and walks over to the musicians. After a short conversation, one of them gives her his vielle, a bow stringed instrument.

She stands on the unoccupied table near her and stamps her feet twice, gathering the attention of everyone in the room.

The woman was in her mid 20s, dark-skinned and wore a dark green waistcoat with leather pants and brown-laced boots. Her black dreadlocks were styled with golden rings and tied up.

She goes on to play a heroic, vibrant melody on the vielle has she dances on the table, the sound of her feet creating a hypnotic rhythm.

She sings of a tale of a woman known as the, 'Lady Thief' and warns the crowd to beware of her as well as informing them of her famous steals.

As she performs the crowd becomes infatuated, clapping and dancing along to the music as she dances across the tables. Even BROM couldn't help but enjoy himself. But GAV was wary.

When she finishes, she's given a standing ovation. The woman bows, a wide smile on her face.


Thank you, thank you very much!

She reaches in her pockets and takes out a golden coin.


Drinks are on me.

She tosses the coin in the air and it lands on GAV's table. She makes her exit as the coin spins on the table. GAV watches its intensely. When it stops he notices something.


Hold on a minute...That's Lady Luck's emblem!

Immediately, everyone in the tavern checks their pockets for their possessions and realises that they're gone.

GAV turns his head to the door and sees a group of goblins with bags of money, jewellery around their necks and carrying barrels of ale exiting the tavern.

GAV looks at the wanted poster on the wall and the woman exiting with the goblins, her hair now down, replicating the woman on the poster.

When she notices GAV looking at her, she winks at him before running outside.


Fuck! It's her!

(to his soldiers)

What are you all doing standing around for? Get her!

At once, the soldiers leave the tavern.


LADY LUCK steals one of the black horses tied up outside the tavern as the goblins that accompanied her use magical dust to shrink their steals.

KLIH, an older female goblin, approaches LADY LUCK.


(to the goblins)

I'll meet you back home.


Be careful, darling!


I'm not the one who needs to be careful.

KLIH gives her a sly smile.


Now go! Quickly!

LADY LUCK watches as the goblins flee from the tavern and into the shadows of the street, carrying small bags on their backs.

But as soon as the soldiers exit the tavern, LADY LUCK rides off.

The soldiers chase LADY LUCK through the city but she manages to evade them due to inexplicable events.

One soldier gets knocked of his horse when the horse falls over a small rock, another gets piss thrown in his eyes when a woman is dispensing a bucket of urine from her window.

For some unknown reason, one soldier's horse just stops running and when another is close enough to grab LADY LUCK, his feet gets caught in the reins and falls out of the saddle has he reaches for her.

LADY LUCK watches these events unfold with a humourous smile. But has she gets near the city gates, a man, late 20s, also clad in black armour stands in her way (though she's too distracted by the soldier falling of his horse to notice.)

The man whistles and the horse lunges forward, sending LADY LACK flying. She crashes in front of him but before she can come to her senses, she's knocked unconscious.

Is this a review?



User avatar
44 Reviews

Points: 2965
Reviews: 44

Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:13 pm
jster02 wrote a review...

Bit of a disclaimer before I start, I don't know much about writing scripts (I usually stick to plain old prose), so if the suggestions I make don't apply to plays, feel free to ignore them.

That aside, I really like this so far. I'm a big fan of Arthurian fantasy, so this pushes all the right buttons for me. You've done a great job of drawing me right into the action while introducing the characters in a way that doesn't break up the flow. I also get the feeling Lady Luck is more than just an evil villain out to take over the world. (Not sure if that was what you were going for, but either way I kind of like it).

Despite how much I liked this, I noticed a few technical problems. The biggest thing I saw was the way the descriptions inexplicably switch between past and present tense. You need to choose one or the other so you don't break up the consistency of the description.

The soldiers chase LADY LUCK through the city but she manages to evade them due to inexplicable events.

This sentence seems a bit awkward to me. You might be able to remove it entirely and instead jump straight into the description of the chase. (Though you might have to mess around with the wording of the next few sentences so as not to break the flow).

Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. Can't wait to read part 2 and see where you take this. Bye for now,

RavenBlack says...

Thank you so much for reviewing my work! Especially coming all the way back to the first part and reading it all the way up to the recent one. I really appreciate it!

I really need to work on proof reading my work it. I hate it but I know it can be pretty annoying reading something with mistakes in, so I'll work on fixing that!

jster02 says...

Yea, I don%u2019t really enjoy proofreading either. I bet we%u2019re not the only ones either...

User avatar
162 Reviews

Points: 1665
Reviews: 162

Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:16 pm
FireSpyGirl wrote a review...

Hello @RavenBlack.
So this is the first of your works I have read and reviewed. This was a very interesting script, definitely a good plot and well executed. Now, this isn't going to be a grand review, I can't seem to write grand reviews, but I will do my best. Most of what I will be pointing out are just nitpicks, really, so feel free to ignore every single word I say.

First off:
"It's been a fucking dreadful morning." The way you have the words arranged here feels a little awkward to me. I would switch "fucking" and "dreadful" around. Again, that is just me.

"But has she gets near the city gates, a man, late 20s, also clad in black armour stands in her way"

I know this is just a typo, but I thought I'd point it out. "has" is supposed to be "as," right?

That was all, I really hope I haven't offended you in any way, I mean no harm. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your work, you are definitely a damn good writer.

RavenBlack says...

Thank you for your review and your feedback @FireSpyGirl! I'm not good with using 'has' and 'as', haven't been for a long time! Need to fix that xD But thanks for picking up on that, I'll try to look out in hindsight for grammar mistakes before uploading them :D

FireSpyGirl says...


Do. Or do not. There is no try.
— Yoda