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I'm Not

by Plume


I'm not the one you're looking for.
She's around the bend and through the door.
I remember how you treasured her,
now she's among the things that were.

I'm not the one you used to love.
She's living in the 'o' of 'of.'
Somewhere trapped inside a dream,
with a broken heart patched at the seams.

I'm not the one you hoped to find.
She's hiding somewhere in your mind.
Your thoughts are touched by her cold breath,
holding you in hands of death.

I'm not the one who loved you back
She's just waiting to attack. 
And if you end up dying, then
I pray you'll find her once again.


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75 Reviews


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Wed Oct 06, 2021 2:01 pm
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SadboyJay wrote a review...



hi i im here to drop a review on your work

so lets head in to it

First off this poem super Excellent i could read a poem like this everyday now and you did super wonderful with a poem like this i im like this poem was super impressive and i also i had a good line in your work I'm not the one you used to love.
She's living in the 'o' of 'of.'
Somewhere trapped inside a dream,
with a broken heart patched at the seams. this was just something like someone would use there emotions with or you just made up something that would go great with your poem

My Compliment is when is your next poem going to be about i would like to know so i would get a tag or a mention cause i really want to read your next poem when ever you do it just mention me or tag me but this poem was amazing

How you can improve is we will be glad that you came and had work on something new and yeah i know i had read it cause i just showed you what i liked in the poem so yeah hopefully we see new stuff coming for you


Keep Writing good work!!

~jay~




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Thu Sep 09, 2021 10:13 pm
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abigaileigh wrote a review...



I really like this. It feels like the kind of poem that I could read again tomorrow and find a completely different meaning in a few of the lines. Your repetition is done really well, so that it ties everything together but doesn't feel tired by the end. I really like the line,
"Somewhere trapped inside a dream,
with a broken heart patched at the seams."
I like how it seems like the author could be jealous of or at least secretly wishing they were the one that this person wants, but in the last stanza it says "I'm not the one who loved you back".
It makes you go back and reconsider the lines before and imagine all the backstories that could accompany this.
Overall the poem flows really well and the rhyme scheme stays consistent and is easy to read.
Great work!




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review, and welcome to YWS!!



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Thu Sep 09, 2021 1:14 am
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HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello Hikari here with a review! Here's what I have to say:

{I'm not the one you're looking for.
She's around the bend and through the door.}

I love this line, it really drew me in

{I remember how you treasured her,
now she's among the things that were.}

At first I thought this was referring to someone who died, and it seems I was right (just not dead in the way I originally thought by what the rest this poem says)

{I'm not the one you used to love.
She's living in the 'o' of 'of.'}

Um I'm actually a bit lost here on what exactly that means?

{I'm not the one you hoped to find.
She's hiding somewhere in your mind.}

Lol when someone's head cannon for you isn't actually cannon am I right?

{And if you end up dying, then
I pray you'll find her once again.}

Sounds like your waiting for this person to change just like you, but your not holding your breath huh?

Anyways this was just my interpretation of your poem and I really enjoyed reading it!




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your interpretation!



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Wed Sep 08, 2021 12:08 am
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hello! Thanks for sharing your poem. It really flows nicely, and the rhyme is great. It feels like you've reached a little outside the box with this, but not so far that we absolutely don't get anything from it. It definitely takes contemplation to glean the interpretation. It's kind of nice that it doesn't directly state what it's talking about, because that gives the reader some room to imagine and fill in some of their own interpretation. Personally, I feel like the narrator is saying that the person she's speaking to has expectations that she realizes she no longer meets. Maybe the narrator was once close with the person she's addressing, but they've drifted apart for some reason, and even though that other person wants her back, it's what they imagine her to be that they're really wanting, and not who she truly is. I don't know if that's where you meant to go with this, but that's kinda what I got from it.

Good job with punctuation and spelling. I always enjoy reading literature that has as little error as possible in this area. One thing I'd suggest changing, though, is that the first letter of the last lines in the first three stanzas are not capitalized like the first letters of all the other lines. I personally think it would be more consistent in appearance to go ahead and add that capitalization.

Well, that's all for this review. Great work!




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review!! Your interpretation was really accurate, actually!



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 2:23 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Plume! Stopping by for a quick RevMo review! :)

So first I think this poem has just such excellent flow! It reminds me a bit of the serious limerick challenge, because in the first stanza I sort of read it in a sing-songy way and then getting through the content it felt very sad, so I could definitely see this as a tough/serious song too, and it reads very nicely together. The rhymes & consistency in line length also make the poem feel very polished and purposeful, and I don't think any of the rhymes felt forced.

Now on to content ~

Interpretation
So in the first stanza I thought, "oh maybe this is a break-up poem" or a reflection of the speaker on a loss of a sense of self. And then by the third stanza with the talk of death, the poem got quite a bit more serious. I think the poem is about a person who feels they have changed in a pretty significant way and I can't tell if the speaker now feels unlovable or just unloved - or in other words if they have low self-esteem now, or just sort of feel like life's not going there way because of outside factors. The ambiguity was a little odd, as normally you can identify whether the conflict in a poem is internal or external - and sometimes in poetry because of metaphors it gets hard to do so - and here, I really couldn't figure out which was the source of the conflict / tension. The most ambiguous for me was that last stanza where I wasn't sure whether to read that as sort of vengeful? or just like extremely sad, like they hope the one they love who used to love them will find their "real" lover (whether that's there former self or a whole different person) in death.

Either way the poem seems to be about a serious break in relationship because of a change in self that the speaker is struggling with and there's really a sense of gravity and a little hopelessness throughout the poem.

Some Specific Thoughts
One line I didn't quite get was "She's living in the 'o' of 'of'" I'm not sure what I'm missing here, but I just didn't get what that was referring to. I also couldn't quite figure out what "hands of death" meant in this poem if the one who they used to love is like their former self, what would that mean? I felt a little bit like I was jumping into a conversation that had already started in this poem, like I was maybe missing some of the context, but it didn't take away the enjoyability just maybe caused it to veer a little bit further into ambiguity for me.

I think the use of the repetitive opener "I'm not the one you..." added good structure / continuity to the poem without being too rigid to restrict the poem. You also did a good job adding a different metaphor to illustrate your point in each stanza and while each was linked they all also said something different about the relationship as well.

Overall this was a fun poem to read - both for the sound devices, and imagery, and just all the possibilities of interpretation along the way, it makes for a nice emotionally resonant piece, that is well constructed and polished. I think it could be a litttle less ambiguous, but then again if this poem was say.. placed in the context of a story or had a little author's note or if it was set as a song in a movie then maybe there'd be enough context already for me to figure out the rest, so it just depends on what the vision of the poem is too I guess. <3

Happy writing and reviewing! <3 Keep on poeting friend! ~

~ A
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Plume says...


Aaaa alliyah thank you so much for your review!! In response to your questions: the "o" of "of" was supposed to just convey living out of reality, in a way, tying into that dreamscape. Since "oh" and "of" are both filler words/words you don't really think about using because they're so common, it's just a roundabout way of saying that she exists in an unreachable, in-between place. And the hands of death part may or may not have been for the sake of the rhyme, haha. But I guess the way I rationalized it is it's just a way of adding more depth and negative finality to the thought that I wanted to convey, which was that her hands are also cold. Hopefully that answered your questions, and your review was an absolute joy to read as well as being very helpful! Thank you so much!!



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Tue Sep 07, 2021 12:05 am
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mordax wrote a review...



Hey there, Mordax here with a review!

I loved this poem! I loved the rhymes and it had a beautiful flow that rolled off the tongue easily. I love your incorporation with the repetition in each first line of each stanza, yet changing it just a bit in order to still provide variance and not create any redundancy. I also like how you revealed note after note, making it go from the rather sad, jealous comments of someone in an unrequited love to something much deeper and darker, this other person's love having since passed. It gave the poem so much more meaning, this "jealous" tone disappearing and being replaced with a kind of sympathy and kindness from the narrator who wishes to support this broken hearted individual rather than replace the love they lost.

I really only have one critique and it's very minor and more of a suggestion than anything.

holding you in hands of death.

Here, my suggestion is to say "the hands of death" rather than just "hands". I think it could create a better flow and it would also make more sense, personifying death rather than making death seem like some kind of stain upon another, especially since the other you imply is stained by death is not who is actually dead. Although, that could be your meaning, say, if this woman was murdered.

Overall, great poem! I really enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing!
Mordax




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your feedback!



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:20 pm
Apehdavid2 wrote a review...



I'll like to.give a review I like the feel of this poem

"I'm not the one you're looking for.
She's around the bend and through the door.
I remember how you treasured her,
now she's among the things that were.

I'm not the one you used to love.
She's living in the 'o' of 'of.'
Somewhere trapped inside a dream,
with a broken heart patched at the seams.

I'm not the one you hoped to find.
She's hiding somewhere in your mind.
Your thoughts are touched by her cold breath,
holding you in hands of death.

I'm not the one who loved you back
She's just waiting to attack.
And if you end up dying, then
I pray you'll find her once again."


The feel. is amazing





“Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine. I couldn't get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time.”
— Richard Siken