Young Writers Society

Hey Plume, mind if I leave you just a few thoughts here for a review?

This is so intense, I really just wanted to stop by and tell you I think it's great.

Overall Form
I love all the ways you've explored the concept of liminal space in this poem! The paragraph poem structure works really perfectly for this too, because it makes it really feel journally and explosive like all the emotions are just zooming through the speaker as it's happening, made even more "in the moment" by starting right with the word "because" almost mid-breath - and then the final stanza of just "maybe it'll finally be final" is !! so stark in comparison to the other loaded stanzas. I also really liked that you ended this one on "maybe" indicating ~maybe~ they're still hedging in a liminal space right now, where they're not really over the edge of whatever this big topic is for them.

Interpretation
I interpreted the poem to be about how a speaker is caught in liminal space in a very uncomfortable way, and I'm interpreting the liminal space as maybe being indecision about something fairly major and so they are in this difficult place where there's not a yes or no, but are just not able to move on. It's not clear to me whether them being in liminal space is because of their own actions of indecision or someone else's or just circumstances, but I don't think the ambiguity hurt the ability to understand the poem.

Specifics
You had a lot of good turns in this poem, where it looked like in a line you were going to say one thing, and then the line twists and there's a different or added meaning. Like the foyer being empty, but still not being sure that they'll fit, and "the cards are stacked upside down and inside one of them is my heart".

On slight suggestions is that the poem is so rooted in questions / emotion, that it feels a little unrooted at times, I think the poem was easiest to follow and understand in the points where you had the imagery motifs of the cards and the foyer, I think if these two could connect a bit more that would help, and also maybe expanding the picture of the foyer maybe a bit more literally would make the poem feel more concrete which would make the philosophical parts pop. Hope that makes sense! It's sometimes hard to make it so that these philosophical poems still feel rooted in reality rather than just theory, but using some sort of metaphor that has a concrete imagery can really help.

Also you final line is just perfect!

And lastly, I think the usage of paragraph / prose-structure was a great move for this poem, it made the lines where there was a turn feel even more unexpected, and I think it made the repetition of words and phrases feel more natural and conversational than it would have in a typically formatted poem.

Overall, this was really an enjoyable read, the poem felt like ruminating on something, and I enjoyed the reading journey of making it through the different emotions portrayed. Glad I could give this a read!

all the best,

~alliyah

i had a friend who was once diagnosed with depression and it is quite a hard thing to deal with, and i really love how this can talk on its own. never the less here is my review according to my few experiences.

because it's almost like I've forgotten how to die a thousand deaths every day like i used to. it's almost like i can't keep living in fear. it's almost like i don't want to leave and i don't want to stay and the foyer would be nice enough except for the fact that it's disappeared. the only mediums that exist are sad and angry and bitter, and all that is directed at me.

the cards are stacked upside down and inside one of them is my heart. gunshots are fired through each of them, and i can't spin red, i can't, because then I'm done for. the only true decisions are made by the rules and fate. it's flipping a coin to gamble; flipping a coin to decide whether the foyer is the true place for me. because now there is a foyer, but it's bare, and it's empty. I'm not even sure I'll fit.

slap me because it's almost like i can't remember where the foyer is. and everyone says they're going there— i can hear them, even if i can't follow them. I'm done tapping on walls covered in cards with my everything inside to find a place where i might not even belong, where i might not even fit. because now i know the foyer is there. i know that it is no longer empty and it is no longer bare. it is brimming, teeming over.

almost is too close to call. i live in that almost, in that endless transition between transitions. call it the foyer, call it the near-exit-entrance. call it leaving and staying at the same time, lingering and loitering in places that hardly exist. I'm waiting for someone to come and call me home and then I'll get out of the almost.
it'll finally be final.

i did not do a heavy edit or anything like that i just removed some words that where not supposed to be there or either they just give out too much information. anyways i tried what i thought was the best i really dig this and i keep on writing.

Hey Plume! Incoming review!

I like this piece of yours, and the title is really integral to how I felt the words! Now let me review the piece.

I guess I'll start out with critiques. I could only find one thing to properly critique and that would be the length of certain lines such as

i'm not even sure i'll fit.

almost is too close to call.

because it's almost like i've forgotten how to die a thousand deaths every day like i used to.

okay, so, prose poetry is my frickfrack jam and i really, really dig this. review time!

As much as this personifies the spirit of prose poetry, a good flow, a sort of stream-of-consciousness feel, my biggest nitpick here is that I feel it would have a more poetry feel if it were to have a bit more structure. As it reads now, it seems a bit run-on; the pace is a bit too fast for itself, I feel, and I reach the end of the poem before I can even process what I've read fully.

I really like the imagery with the cards and the insides of yourself being in them. I like the metaphor of the foyer, and its limbo of existence, and the intangible idea it represents. I feel like it allows you to strike the right tone and feel without being too direct and to the point - it lets the reader get there on their own.

So, yeah. Again I think my only nitpick is that I wish it had more of a poem like structure to it, something to reign it in and give it more of a shape. Otherwise, I think this poem stands fine and well, outside of a few fine tune ups like diction and whatnot.

I also really like the progression of the foyer and its existence - from questionable, to definitely there but empty, to there and overfull, teeming with activity. This gives me vibes of a possible hostile household, and as someone who grew up in one, it strikes a feeling I've always had a hard time trying to capture myself, and still do to this day when I try to write poetry.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece, and I think it's solid and wonderful.

Keep writing,

- F.B

I really like this poem. First of all, the form is perfect for the content. I love the way you really highlighted this person’s feelings of being trapped, suffocated by their anxiety, by the crammed formatting. You can really feel the person’s anxiety tumbling out at the edges with all its energy that can barely be be restrained. There is such a sense of desperation. As someone who is best friends with a person who has OCD, I think you beautifully express the in betweenness that people who work with anxiety disorders experience, especially just before a panic attack. The final punch line is amazing. After the anxiety and fear and resigned tone of the rest of the poem, these two lines are the thin line that the narrator is holding on to in an effort not to fall into the abyss of their emotional overdrive. I’m happy that you’ve experimented with prose poetry - it is not very common in English poetry, but it is sometimes so useful - and it is just right in this case.