"Concrete Jungle"
I fly above a concrete jungle,
A bird's-eye view of a cement paradise.
Grey-blue ribbons of roiling river flow below,
Beetles with hard shells streaming by on rapids,
Climbing ever higher, towards the scorching sun.
Trees of stone reach even higher,
Thier highest points seeming to scrape the sky above.
Now the jungle's disappearing,
Replaced by a looming beast that grows ever closer.
We fly into the open maw of the monster,
And are expelled from our host,
A grand, metallic bird of prey.
We are spilled into the belly of the beast.
Gradually, we find our way outside.
There, spread before me, is the concrete jungle once more.
This is home.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
The Messenger Knight here to review for Happy Review Day!
I think you don't have to put birds-eye in here .If you wrote it directly from the bird's point of view then he probably wouldn't be thinking that anyway. Just an idea.
roiling? Don't think I have heard that word before. *Looks up on internet.* Ah, I understand now.
I like how you refer to skyscrapers as trees.
Thier should be their. Small typo:) Easy fix.
I didn't understand this part. Was it a bird going through an airplane engine and then out the back of it to see more skyscrapers?
So, in conclusion I would say that I really really like your stance in this. What I mean is your view from a bird, making everything seem like parts of a jungle, even though it is all our everyday life-type places. Very cool idea ad you performed it well. I only saw that one typo, and all of your grammar and punctuation seems to be in order.
Keep it up!
Hey Messenger. Thanks for the review!
As far as the last stanza, I was trying to say that the narrator was in an airplane and pulling into the airport, the passengers stepping outside into the city. I guess I must not have explained that too well. :/
~Pen
Great poem! It really elaborates on how natural forests are similar to the busy cities that take over so many of them. I love how it tells how a city is just an organized jungle of concrete. Also I love how it was originally called "Organized Chaos," it so appropriately fits! Thanks for sharing this with us! Keep sharing great poems!
Thanks Journey!
Basically, I was just trying to show the similarities between the organized, man-made stucture of cities and the wild, chaotic, nutural jungles and forests. I first wrote this for a literary journal entitled "Organized Chaos", so, I guess that was what I was trying to say. It was basically something fun to do on spring break. Thanks for the input!
This is an interesting poem, a reflection about human cities. Although it didn't touch up on most. I can't place my finger on what the purpose of this poem is. Hmm.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. And also, SpeedyPencil, I love your avatar, and happy birthday 567ajt!
Wow I love this. It definitely symbolizes a city and how urban life takes over. I love the way you compare things and the symbolism and phrases you use are amazing. I hope you keep writing because your poems are amazing.
Hi there. Although today is my birthday, I have kindly taken some time to review this poem for you. The reason I'm doing this? Well, it's so good I have to say something about it.
This piece, to me, perfectly captures the feeling of suburbia. It reminds me of people being trapped in a large city. The idea of being stuck in a big city is irony in itself: a large place should have many things, but instead is a distraction from the big picture. What is the big picture? Well, let's take a look.
I love your juxtaposition. You contrast "cement" with "paradise", furthermore implying that our ideas of paradise and happiness are artificial, and are manmade. In fact let me just show you the lines I absolutely love the most.
"We are spilled into the belly of the beast.
Gradually, we find our way outside.
There, spread before me, is the concrete jungle once more.
This is home."
This. Is. Gold. I can't really describe the feeling of reading this section. It's just...perfect. Nothing I would change at all, personally speaking. My only improvement is to separate the stanzas, but this is totally up to you.
This is awesome. I can't wait to see more from you
Thanks!