I remember the bright shine,
raining down from the street lights.
As I drove down Corpus,
along the ocean side.
It was getting colder again.
We barely knew each other then.
Used to take photos of the Gulf,
In good moods...I reminisce when
Everything was right.
And times were fine.
So perfectly all synced in view with the scenic feel
All every moment I swear was real.
Oh, October Night
so colored, so bright,
as the moon hung in the midnight sky.
Do you recall me being in your arms,
Hanging onto the stars?
I remember the bright shine,
raining down from the street lights.
Oh, October Night
Oh,October Night
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140,679 Literary Works • 673,590 Reviews
Hey, Pacific!
I like the poem for the most part... it was quite quirky and fun! So definitely a star for you! I do wonder about the last line though... why medical pill? It seems funny because you're talking about a car drive and everything, and then... you talk about drugs. And it seems really random! I think you should continue talking about the scenery and stuff still... complete your thought, as it were.
Still, nice poem!
Okay, I, like empressoftheuniverse, am confused. Was this a fan poem about Owl City? Just wondering.
Other than that, your main problems were typos. There were quite a few of them, so you'll want to go back and edit that. Your rhythm and rhyme scheme were OK, if a little off kilter.
I am confused... is this a fan poem for owl city? based on lyrics from Owl City songs? About things they write about?
*scratches head*
but besides the spelling errors listed above, this was a pretty good piece. You rhyming scheme was a little off-kilter but it was a good piece, altogether. Keep up the good work.
Hi.
I'm not sure if that part about pills fits with the rest of the poem, the reminiscing. I also found a few typos. If your computer doesn't have a spell checker, you can find one online.
I think this should be the start of a new stanza. All of the other stanzas are only a few lines each, but this is nine. To help with the flow, you could also change the phrasing a little:
so colored, so bright,
as the moon hung in the midnight sky.