I'll put on my thick, velvet coat
Or I'll get sick from the cold, as rain pours down.
On the door step, I'm a kite in the wind,
Warm into a sheet of ice onto the flight, before the plane lands.
The indigo sky, I will close my eyes,
and doze on to sleep(close the sound off) and try,
Thinking of You as tears fill the silent night
Then you'll know that there must me stars aligned.
(Take one moment to remember the times we were reckless.
Eyes were sleepless in December when we first met, don't forget...)
I am everywhere, I'm not sure
why Everything out my window is such a blur?
I am watching traffic lights all around Pittsburgh
I just want to let go and hang onto thin air
My head can be under the clouds again...
Dreaming on a bed wondering about us then.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Owl City is an amazing band.
This is similar to Owl City but not as good. I think you're trying too hard to copy them. You have a lot of imagery in your songs but some lines don't even make sense. I'd like to see you break this up into verses and a chorus. If it were more organized and every line of imagery connected with the next or could be related than it would make sense.
Try organizing it by syllables. It would help it flow better as well. I'm not trying to bash your songs. They're really good. I just think they need tweaking. You have talent. Just make it gold and get some organization in there. Keep writing
Moved to lyrics!
ugh.
owl city.
no.
not going to say it.
but i did like it, it had a nice rhythm, just don't label this as a wannabe-owl city song.
it's YOUR song, not mr. "i-wish-i-was-ben-gibbard's"
Hello, Pacific Sky
Hate to sound bossy and all but there is a forum specifically for lyrics; and if you want your poem put there you can ask a moderator (colorful name, i think green) to move your post over there. Because people expect different things from lyrics and poetry-- probably more rhythm in lyrics but I'm not sure, I'm not fit to review them. So try asking a moderator to move this, so it gets proper attention.
pm me with any questions
Empress
WOW!!
I <3 Owl City!
You should continue this!!!
That does sound similar to an Owl City song. And it's very good. I would love to see the rest of this song and hear it as well!