** For the one reading this. **
**Tabbed parts are the Chorus**
You've been told alot of things,
That have driven to your core.
Pushed around and talked down to,
Trusting in lies more and more.
Forgetting what you believe in,
Scared of what comes next.
Afraid of all thats happened,
And living with more regrets.
Cause Im tired,
Im tired of seeing you cry.
So I swear,
I wont ever leave your side.
So fly,
Until you touch the sky.
Until gravity you defy.
Spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
You can fly,
Higher than the sky.
Faster than their lies.
So spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
You can fly.
I know its hard at first,
I know you're scared to death.
Looking up at the clouds,
And not knowing whats coming next.
Dont take it on all at once,
Just a little step at a time.
Find a good place to start,
And I'll be here the entire ride.
Cause I'm tired,
Im tired of seeing you cry.
So I swear,
I'll never leave your side.
So fly,
Until you touch the sky.
Until gravity you defy.
Spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
You can fly,
Higher than the sky.
Faster than their lies.
So spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
That they can...
That you can...
Fly,
And open up the sky!
Cast off all of their lies!
Cause you'll spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
And fly,
Higher than the sky!
Until you are in His eyes!
And when you stand before Him,
Realize...
You can fly...
You can fly...
Oh, you can fly.
------
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,882 Reviews
Heya Ossum, wisegirl22 here. Happy Fake Review Day!
Now, I see in the first part, you said "alot". "Alot" is not a word.
"You've been told alot of things..."
And with "thats", you either put an apostrophe or say "that has".
"Afraid of all thats happened..."
Apostrophe before the "Cause" and in the "Im".
"Cause Im tired..."
Same in the line after that.
Apostrophe in the "wont" in the line after that.
I trust you will fix the errors with those tricky marks after my pointing out them. This was a great song, and if you don't mind a little cursing watch "Fly", by Rihanna and rap by Nicki Minaj, I think. Keep writing, and live in the Green Room!
-wisegirl22
Dang didn't even see those haha. I will thank you.
Your welcome!
When you said:
"Fly,
And open up the sky!
Cast off all of their lies!
Cause you'll spread your wings,"
I thought of "I believe i can fly" Hahaha which in turn made me want to listen to it. But anyways I really enjoyed this poem it was very moving and i can so hear you sing this poem.
Hello Ossum!
I really love this. Partly because I am really just into flying.. and this song is really awesome.. especially the repeating part.
So fly,
Until you touch the sky.
Until gravity you defy.
Spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
You can fly,
Higher than the sky.
Faster than their lies.
So spread your wings,
And make the world realize.
Yep, this part. The wings.. *dreamy sigh*
Anyways, awesome job at writing this song, and I couldn't help but sing 'So fly until you touch the sky, until gravity you defy' part. I'm not sure if you already sang it but I just purely loved this song even more... Great job, great job, GREAT job.
Thanks, and keep on writing. Mephis.
thats so inspiring ..and cool
I love the ...and cool part. It's like "I shall say something meaningful and true ... and cool." hehe
Thank you very much ^-^
I really liked these lyrics and I saw someone else attempt to make music to it so I thought I would try to. Here is the link http://roaming-initiative.com/mediagobl ... -by-ossum/
You definitely have the tempo of the song down, and it sounds really good. Thank you so much ^-^
Yeah no problem. Thanks glad you liked it. It was fun to play. Keep writing.
Also, you have permission to use that recording in any way you want to, no need to credit me for anything.
Definitely will make it appear in my new video ^-^
And I will make a voiced portion of my songs as soon as I get my voice back. Sore throat is killing me xD
With your permission, I'd like to create a song out of this and put it under the WTFPL license.
Already made a rough recording here. I'll probably make a cleaner one tomorrow, though it won't be legal unless you give me permission.
If you could give me a skype call so we can duscuss. :3
Don't have skype.
P.S. The recording is here. http://roaming-initiative.com/mediagobl ... u-can-fly/
Slow it down a bit, its meant to be a slow song. But otherwise very nice ^-^
And yes you have my permission by the way, as long as we can share the credit. ^-^
This is a little cliched in some parts, but one line that I like a lot in particular is "Faster than their lies." This is a powerful line, suggesting that their lies have power, but once you unlock your potential, you become immune, the lies become irrelevant. The cliche that I noticed is the idea of flying. It is used quite often. However, in spite of this drawback that any writer who writes about flying faces, you have skirted some major cliches that are associated with flying, and you illustrated your theme very well. This is a fast-paced read, and I like that. I also like the allusion to God at the end.
The word fly is used a few too many times for my liking, but that is just my preference. I would replace it with synonyms every so often, to add a little variety, like "soar", "glide", or mention the pumping of wings, beating down the air, things like that. Just so that you avoid using the same word over and over again. But again, that is simply my preference. This is a lovely song. 
I'm loving the lyric about defying gravity (It's kinda my motto). I really liked the idea of this song, I just had a couple of nitpicks.
If you had separated this into verses, it would have made it much easier to read. Songs are like poems. Poems have stanzas, Songs have verses. There is also one line that's a little awk-a-awkward
I think in the word "realize" you're just forcing the rhyme. Because this line doesn't make sense. Make the world realize what? In all the other lines when you convey the word "realize" you say "make the world realize you can fly".
The idea of flying is used in other songs. So try using adjectives to the word "Fly". Try "Soar" "Glide" "Float", stuff like that just to switch things up. I feel like this song was very repetitive, you repeated the same lines over again and I feel you did this just to rhyme.
The other nitpick I have is when at the end, you mention "him" and I assume you mention God. Is this a Christian song? If so, why did you wait until the end of the song to mention God? Also, if this is Christian themed, the idea of Christianity is that humans can do nothing without God, so saying "You can fly" contradicts that. That part confused me.
Other than that, I thought this song was good and I could hear it playing in my head. Again, I loved the idea of "Defying Gravity". So good job overall.
Thanks ^-^
And I know I had to use the same patterns to make up the chorus, but I am glad that you enjoyed it. ^-^
Mmhmm. And, are you really 20? Don't take this the wrong way, but you look older in your profile picture.
Heh, hasn't been the first time lol. Yes Im really 20 ^-^
Cool. Bye