Young Writers Society

Hey. Wisegirl22 here for an awesome review for Review Day.

Here, you should have an apostrophe before "cause".

"drop everything and run to you cause,"

That is all for the critique.

Now for praise:

I really liked this song. You stuck to your point and you really took me in with the main idea. I really liked it, again, and Happy Review Day! I hope you're on Team Plasma, but if you're not participating good for you. Don't join any team 'cept for ours.

Hey buddy. Some lyrics here I see. They weren't bad. And when I say not bad I mean not bad, as in they are not horrible or not bad.
But not bad =/= great, because when I read these, I see nothing new at all. It's all something or another we have heard and seen before. I don't derive any meaning from them, I don't derive anything from them any deeper than what they are literally saying.

What is the point in writing lyrics, may I ask? Well, there are to name a few, the process of having music you want lyrics to go with, having lyrics you dream of music accompanying, and then for the sake of writing a pretty rhyme. You have some pretty rhymes in here but overall I don't feel like they extend us as a reader beyond the cliché 'I love you'.

What I look for in lyrics is something beyond. I look for a story and a message, and I think that a few of these lines in here are really well written, they aren't just some words repeating over and over frustratingly dull, you have some good sentences here which already puts you a step above most 'pop' songs I've heard, but I feel you can go futher and add that extra degree of depth.

There are a few hints for making your lyrics stand out among an array of cliché love songs. The first is, not everything has to be an exact rhyme.
When I see exact rhymes with really common words like you have used, it sort of reeks of the clichéd rhyme words. If you can find rhymes on longer less used words its great, but its also very difficult, and I often find that words that are similar, but not exact rhymes, make for a much more lyrical song, sounding far less cheesy and forced than exact rhymes of these common words. As well as that they allow you to extend yourself in what you are writing, as they leave you with more of an option to play with how your sentences end.

Another thing to make your lyrics have more of a story behind them is well... exactly that. Give them something to say and a reason. You are saying you love someone, but who is saying this? What is the story behind it? How did this person come to be singing this song? Make it more incredibly purposeful rather than being words anyone anywhere could throw out of their mouths and it still all makes sense. If you look at songs through the ages you may notice that older ones normally 90's and earlier have much more meaningful lyrics, and they are much more specific than many of the popular modern ones. Some modern ones are also fantastic in the story, (On of my favourites is 'hero of war') but I feel like you are falling into a generic lyric category with your choice of words.

Anyway, good job, I just want to repeat what I said before that some of your lines work pretty well, I just think you could extend yourself by moving away from the conventional and giving yourself room with more words.

Happt review day.

Hey there Ossum! Happy Poke-Review day! I'm here to do my best on reviewing this piece.

Please note before we start the review: I am reviewing this as I am reading this, and then I will give my overall thoughts at the end. Two: I don't review any kind of lyrical things, so if this is a horrible review, I deeply apologize.

Anyway, onto the review!

I love.... you.

I still love.... you.

I still love you!

I love.... you.

I will always love you!

Cause, when I think about all the times...

We would laugh and watch the sky I....

I break down I... cry.

And now the only thing I want to do,

Id throw out something for you to hold onto...

Because I know this is true.

Baby I know,

It's still true.

I love.... you.

I will always... love... you.

Cause, when I think about all the times...

We would laugh and watch the sky I....

I break down I... cry.

And now the only thing I want to do,

Id throw out something for you to hold onto...

Because I know this is true.

Baby I know,

It's still true.

I love.... you.

I will always... love... you.

Hey Ossum! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review for you today. On the menu, is you super-sad love song, called "I love you".

The first thing I notice upon looking at this is the lack of organization. You didn't separate the verses from the bridge or chorus. That can be a problem for someone's eyes, but it doesn't mean the song is bad. All you got to do is clean it up.

The lyrics are pretty straightforward. A guy (presumably you, since you wrote it) is depressed over his ex. He (you) still loves her, even though she's far away and "there's no chance that [she] will call". But you still have feelings for this person, and it kills you to know that your relationship will never come back. You even admit that nothing you say will not "mean a damn thing now". But you still love her. You recalled some good times, and in the end, you pulled a Whitney Houston (or Dolly Parton) and say "I will always... love... you."

In the end, just clean up the formatting here, and you've got yourself a moody, tear-jerking hit single. This gets a favorable review from me!

Wow, nice job as I read this I pretty much sang it in my head and there is so much feeling in each line. The lyrics painted the imagery of someones love story, it was like I caught a glimpse of everything they use to share together. Keep up the good work!