If I die tomorrow,
Will the memories fade to gray?
Will all of this confusion
Ever have something to say?
If I die tomorrow,
I hope you know just one thing:
Never, ever surrender,
It'll get better, darling.
If I die tomorrow,
I hope you laugh everyday;
Think a little and drink a little,
And don’t ever turn away.
If I die tomorrow,
Remember you’re not alone,
And do something every now and then;
Do anything to break the drone.
If I die tomorrow,
Don’t let it be in vain.
Try to see yourself in a new light;
Don’t drown in the pain.
If I die tomorrow,
Do not mourn for me.
I led a long, wonderful life,
And I am finally free.
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Nice poem, it's really good.
There are a few odd parts here and there, mostly mentioned by Galerius, though.
The second line is a bit off balanced, isn't it? Try something else, like, "Please know this one thing" or something.
Keep it up.
The last two lines threw me off a little. Would you actually expect confusion to have a point? That's the whole idea of confusion - there's no rhyme and rhythm, only pandemonium. Perhaps you should replace those lines with "Will you survive confusion / and have anything to say?"...something like that that can clear up the "confusion", as it were.
Cute, but the paragraph abuot laughing has some connotations to it that I don't think you intended. Is the narrator asking the subject not to mourn for him? That seems unlikely for him to not want her to miss him at all. The drinking part is also odd because it sounds like he wants her to go get drunk and forget her worries. I'm sure this is all not what you intended, but that is what I thought at first when reading this.
Why isn't she alone? You never mentioned that there exists a caring outside world. Hint at it if you want it to be important to this stanza.
"Drone" sounds forced to fit with the rhyme.
This has a severe disconnect with the earlier stanzas. At first, you encouraged her to drink, go to parties, laugh every day, etc, which implies to me that you expect her to recover from her loss quite quickly. Now, however, the morbid descriptions such as "drown in pain" imply that this death will be too much to handle. Which one is it? Is she overcome by the loss or not affected at all?
The last line of this poem destroys any possible meaning that the piece could have had. By saying that you are free, you are saying that your life was an imprisonment and full of negativity. Setting aside the fact that the line above this one - "I led a long, wonderful life" doesn't fit, you basically insulted your lover and made a mockery of everything you've said to her up to this point.
...perhaps that was your intention. If so, then it's a little too subtle and instead of surprising the reader, it just confuses him. Either way, take out that last line and replace it with one a little less controversial.
Hope that helped.
Oh this was so beautiful and I really have no complaints or critiscms because this was just well-written and great just like all of your poems are. This actually made me think of one of my characters in my book. His name is Marshall and it justs fits his situation.
Bravo!!!
~Angel
wow..i love this poem
Nice and sharp, liked it, Reminds me of one of shakepeares sonnets, no longer mourn for me when I am dead.