Gaze into a broken heart;
Do you still feel so smart?
Stabbed with a steel dart,
Suffering goes off the chart.
Leave with this poor soul,
Of your hatred it is full.
The pain shall never dull;
Into a void we shall fall.
You're a cold heartless girl.
You were once his whole world.
Now his heart is curled;
And it will never be unfurled.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
sounds to me like someones done you wrong...
good work. and i agree that it is more of a lyrical poetry peice.
I really liked this, simple, to the point, my favorite kind. However, sometimes your rhythm got thrown off, like when you said "Of your hatred it is full. " It doesn't flow like the rest of the poem, though I'm not sure how you'd fix it... the rhyme here: The pain shall never dull; Into a void we shall fall. " Was a bit awkward, dull and fall...hmm, not sure. But overall, I thought it was really good. A nice, flowing, emotional peice. Well done!
this is a good poem, though i think this belongs in lyric poetry.
anyhoo, i cant crtisize the point of the poem, its a good universal idea and there aint nothin wrong with thqt , but i am going to say that i found the poem a little flat and the way that you decided to portray the theme was not very original. what im trying to say is that the theme and the poem are airtight, i just have a hard time stomaching agnsty lyric poetry. and thats my fault, not yours for writing it.
keep up the good fight sir.
I liked this.
It was short, cool, and to the point.
This line kinda bothered me though, b/c I felt it could've been better within the context of the whole poem:
"You're a cold heartless girl."
I enjoyed this.
hehehe unfurled.. thats a funny word.. like hippopotomuses... the hippopotomus unfurrled his gangly tounge. you can use that one if you want.. but anyway.. and what if i do still feel so smart huh? playing darts with your heart.. oooh no sorry you cant use that one my friend that twan ist mine!