Come my lord,
My thoughts you may explore.
Prithee my lord join me anon,
and lift my burdens, they are baleful.
for you I would die a thousand deaths,
before I would let you fall,
and let your enemy prevail.
Believe me when I say,
I shall not lay thy head,
down on the devils pillow,
but kneel at the feet,
of my lord,
for he is not my superior,
but my savior.
He hath come forth,
and given me the strength,
I had not yet acquired.
My lord is soft spoken,
never once raised, his mighty voice.
Prithee my lord,
before me show them,
what I speak of, prithee.
Show them you are tried,
and true, prithee.
But now my lord,
I must bid a farewell,
as I past form bade,
to see my lord once more,
tomorrow.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey! ajruby here to review!
I liked what you're saying with this piece but in a couple places, it seems just a little awkward. Maybe it's just me though.
This was another wonderful poem!
Anyway, I really, really liked reading this poem! It had a lot of imagery and you did an excellent job in describing a picture. The word choices were good (I love speaking in "Old English") even though I didn't understand a couple words. But again, great job on this all together! Keep writing and Happy Review Day(s)!
"May the reviews be ever in your favor."
-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight
Thank you so much I'm glad you liked it!
Hmmm,a poem shakespeare like?,kinda cool you know,quite beautiful,i mostly love the poem because,am kinda religious.Even my dog would appreciate such beauty.Reading your poem was a total delight(more or less),i was taken aback at first(by those words:Come lord/my thoughts you may explore)and it went like that till"before i would let you fail/and let your enemy prevail" i thought it would be much better in our of written,like:less i let failure wait on you/and get your enemies party and in woe",it not all about rymes,rhythm or figurative usage,its more of beauty.So here lies my advice:try rewriting this poem in the 'English' you are farmiliar with and you would notice its astonishing beauty.nevertheless,quite beautiful.ANd BRAVO!
Thanks so much! it was my first attempt at anything Shakespeare. I will probably rewrite it in the future.
The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.
The underlined words are typos that should be thy and kneel. The bold lines are lines that I really liked.
Fourth should be forth.
Another very truthful and good reminder.
Is form supposed to be from, you have a period and comma together at the end of line two, and I don't quite understand this ending. Is the person dying?
Overall I did enjoy this, and can't wait to see more good poems like thhis one.
Keep it up!
Thank you so much i will change those errors
and no it is suppose to be form. Its not suppose to a person dying, the character is saying they hope their lord will continue to come through for them
OK, I thought so.