This beautiful love,
Has met its match.
it has bowed down,
to a greater power.
And forfeited the game.
This forbidden love,
has taken its toll,
it has burned, it has scarred,
And has left wounds on my soul.
This love has risen from it's defeat,
and fought against the critics.
It is stronger now than ever,
No doubt in my mind,
This love will last forever.
It is beautiful, rare, and mine alone,
What lies ahead for this beautiful love,
will forever remain, unknown.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,655 Literary Works • 672,933 Reviews
Hello! This is me, Kitty (or Kit, whichever you want to call me... I AM A CAT) here to give you a beautiful review fit for royalty.
Also, I recommend adding some spaces.
I'll be reviewing this in sections. So I will now begin.
One of the things this poem lacks is rhythm and flow. It seems to go on and on. It gets kind of annoying.
"The game" is not really understandable. What kind of game? More explaining please.
Line 4 and 5 are probably unnecessary. Delete?
It's nice... better than most of the rest of this poem
I'm confused. During the first two lines of the entire poem, you said that "This beautiful love, Has met it's match." That's just it. Now it's rising from its defeat? For some reason, it doesn't seem to correspond with each other.
It seems as though the last two sections don't seem to match the other sections. Putting that aside, this is a great ending! Truly! No lie! Keep working on that!
-
This poem DOES have a few problems here and there, but you have a lot of potential, I can see that. Anyone can see you can fix this poem (you don't have to), and make it way better.
Oops... this was actually a review XD...
In this poem I am saying that this love between two people have been criticized and though people looked down on it as wrong it has gotten stronger and the love lasted. Thank you for reading it and reviewing I appreciate it
Hi! Morticiansdaughter19,
"Against all odds" is the theme I had acquired in your poem. Because despite of all the pain and despair that tries to set you apart. It can't break you once you feel that your love is true and as long as your fighting together, you will overcome the obstacles that comes your way. And together, after all, the feeling is incomparable. =^)
You're piece is sweet and inspiring. Keep going..
Thank you so much!
Hi! I'm here to review your poem today since it's review day! First of all i must congratulate you for writing such a simple yet deep poem. I wanted to read it more and not once did i get bored (which i often do!
) You started your poem with the title which i liked. i felt your poem flowed like a story and enjoyed reading it.
"This forbidden love,
has taken its toll,
it has burned, it has scarred,
And has left wounds on my soul."
this is my favorite stanza in the entire poem. It has good use of metaphors.
I think it would have been better if you would have divided your poem in stanzas. Like this:
"This beautiful love,
Has met its match.
it has bowed down,
to a greater power.
And forfeited the game.
This forbidden love,
has taken its toll,
it has burned, it has scarred,
And has left wounds on my soul.
This love has risen from it's defeat,
and fought against the critics.
It is strong now than ever,
No doubt in my mind,
This love will last forever.
It is beautiful, rare, and mine alone,
What lies ahead for this beautiful love,
will forever remain, unknown."
Overall it was a pleasure reading your poem. Great work!
Keep writing!
Cheers,
Shiksha!
Thank you so much for your review! and I actually tried to break them into stanzas but my computer has been acting weird and all I can do I double space, so all my poems turned out this way.
Blue cat rabbit here! And now another letter shall be reviewed. First off, the poem is beautiful. I love the feeling of defeat, and then a feeling of pride. Even so, I kinda found the poem a bit confusing. What does the beautiful love represent or who/what is the love for. The mysterious feeling just doesn't fit in. Anyways, great poem and best of luck :3 Keep writing awesome work!
---Blue cabbit
I think this piece to me symbolizes the strength any love can have. and when I say ANY I mean any love, whether its hetero or homo if you really love someone you can overcome the hate and ignore the people who don't approve. Thanks again for the review!
Tick, tick, BOOM!
Ash Strangelove here and I'm about to boomstick this poem.
To begin, this was very nicely done. For some reason, you just put the right flair on it. It still stays blazing through out.
What you need to work on the most is slight grammar and errors. its should be it's. That and I didn't understand Strong now than ever. I can't tell whether that was a mistake or not.
Overall, nicely done and strong lines
Ash Strangelove gives you...
7.3/10
DUHN DUHN DUHN
Good job
Keep writing
Stay Grovy *insert name here*
Yea it was suppose to be stronger lol my badness! and thank you I will definitely fix those errors!
Knight Malachi here to Review on Review day/night here in the USA.
So this was very nicely done. I liked how it seemed as if the love died, and then came back to live on. it reminds me of the Phoenix, coming from its own ashes to be greater than before.
This love has risen from its defeat,
and fought against the critics.
It is strong now than ever,
I really like those lines, but also noticed that it should be ;stronger; instead of "stronger"
This was a good poem, like so many others on YWS.
Keep it up!
Thank you so much, and I didn't even notice that I will definitely fix it!