to those nights I sit alone and ponder what is missing in my life,
why do you torment me?
my suffering must not be enough to satisfy your demonic needs and extinguish your desires.
The nights true intentions prevail over my strengths and weaken me.
they are for the dreary to rest their heads and enter a needed slumber,
But my nights consist of longing for answers, drying my tears, and repairing my saddened heart.
I no longer sleep through the night,
I no longer question why that is but accept the cruel reality.
I can't remember the last time I've dreamt of a meadow,
with streams of flowing gold water and ruby rocks.
relaxing my mind from the tension.
Where is the switch to turn on my dreams?
Has my imagination abandon me?
leaving me in a dark room with only my lost thoughts.
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This "poem" is not actually a poem. It's a paragraph. You make it a poem by Creating lines and stanzas. hit sift-enter to drop one line instead of two. A poem needs lines and stanzas. Otherwise, it's just a paragraph that seems like it belongs in a short story.
You made simple grammar errors, for example: "Has my imagination abandon me, leaving me in a dark room with only my lost thoughts." The punctuation after "thought" should be a question mark because you're asking a question. And "abandon" should be "abandoned". It's also really awkward because at the end of your poem/paragraph there are questions. You haven't made anymore statements. The thing about questions in poems, is that too many of them disengage the reader. The reader can't answer your questions, so try sticking to one or two. You also need more descriptions, more adjectives. Keep writing, I hope this helps.
There are errors when submitting an already formatted poem through the publishing center, so lots of poems come out like this unless the author takes the time to try to go back and edit it.
@Morticiansdaughter19 -- check out this post for more info on how to get it looking right.
Thanks Hannah! I'll check it out.
And also thank you defyinggravity01 I would say it is more of a prose poem for know I might change it so it has stanzas and add on to it later! and change my errors thank you for pointing those out by the way! very much appreciated!
@MorticiansDaughter no problem
Knight Dragon of the Knights of the Green Room, here to review!
Hey, welcome to YWS!!! I'm guessing this is your first time attacking formatting, so I'm just going to say this: try writing things in a document first in the format you want, then upload the document, instead of using copy+paste. So your formatting needs to be adjusted; otherwise this just feels like a prose paragraph of your reflections.
Now, for the technical.
"to those nights", the "to" should be capitalized. The same for "my" in the next sentence, and "they, and any other first word of a sentence. "the nights true intentions" should have an apostrophe somewhere to tell us it is or they are possessive. Meaning, since you use nights throughout the poem I'm assuming you mean many nights, so it should be " nights' ", unless you mean a single night, which should be " night's ". With " I cant remember the last time I've dreamt", "cant" should be " can't ".
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much! I will definitely make some changes.
Hey! Welcome to the Young Writers Society! I hope you enjoy this site. Well, I'm guessing this will be the first review you'll get, so... This poem is really intriguing and mysterious. I can just imagine this as a preview for a novel! X3 You really gave this piece a lot of emotion. I love how you make the reader want to know why you stay up and dread so they continue reading. Unfortunately, there was some grammar mistakes in your piece, such as missing commas and capitalization errors. You might want to work on that. Other than that the poem was really great and I hope you keep up the good work!
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. and I will make some changes to improve it!