Standing at a cross road.
Time ticking away.
Knife in hand, I take in a deep breath.
Hold it inside till it bursts out of me and I gasp for another.
Grasping onto the knife, I can draw blood from my future and bleed out.
But no, I take this pen and write my plight.
No knife will penetrate my skin; no blood will flow from my wounds.
This pen will not run out of ink, but leak it on the pages of my life.
My story will not end here because… I have chosen the pen.
I have risen above the words of hate, and with this pen scribbled them out.
I take in a breathe and know it is not my last one.
Because in my hand the knife no longer exists.
I have chosen the pen.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
While i enjoyed this poem, it could use work.
This is the right decision. Whenever you feel like hurting yourself, just pick up a pen and write your thoughts.You need to develop the idea of at the beginning, the consequences of your decision, the choice between life and death. While reading this poem, I questioned, What are you thinking, feeling? Did you hold the blade against your skin? What would you lose if you had chosen the knife? How long did you hold your breath for? What made you choose the pen? Is this based on your real life? As you can see, there are numerous questions that this poem did not fulfill, and I'd like more. Talk about the heart-wrenching decision, what you would lose, what you would gain. Talk about the struggle of life over death.
I like the sense of defiance, even though it doesn't exactly fight right in that spot in the poem. But it is my favorite part, it shows the emotions running through your head and it shows the brink of a decision!
This is an excellent poem! This is the second review of your work that I've done, and so far, I like what I'm seeing! Keep up the good work!
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
Thanks so much! This is a poem I decided to do based off one of my favorite songs by my favorite band. In the song they don't really talk in depth about their battle between knife and pen and I myself have never experienced self mutilation so it was a difficult piece to write since I don't have experience with the actual emotions behind being in such a dark place you feel you have to end it all.
Hello there!
I really like this poem. I love the message and how the pen can be taken literally and figuratively. Each line is very unique and adds something new to the story, well done!
There is a line that disrupted the smooth reading however--
'Hold it inside till it bursts out of me and I gasp for another.' Maybe I'm missing the rhythm of the poem, but this line read somewhat awkwardly. Something along the lines of 'I hold it inside till it busts out of me, left gasping for another,' would fit better with the present tense of the poem.
Great poem, strong imagery and good writing. ^;^
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you reading it and I'm glad you liked it!
I think this is great! It seems open to writer's because you choose to use a pen. Thanks for sharing!
thank you! and exactly, it goes great with the purpose of this website I think
Couple of technical errors ([Take] is capitalized, [breathe] instead of breath, [;] randomly tossed in). But I like how you realize that you can change your destiny. I love this line: "I have chosen the pen." It is so moving how you choose to write your own story instead of ending your life. For this, I give you props.
Thank you so much! I appreciate that you pointed those errors out I will definitely change them
and my poem is inspired by a song called knives and pens by my favorite band black veil brides this song has had a big influence on me.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical first:
"I Take in a breathe and know it is not my last one.", your "take" is capitalized and it shouldn't be.
"Because in my hand the knife; no longer exists.", delete the semi-colon; it's not necessary.
As far as the content goes, I found the rhythm hard to pick up on. Maybe if I knew what song this was based on, then I might be able to, but as is, it's kind of difficult. I liked the imagery though.
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much. The rhythm of my poem doesn't match the song it's just based off the message of the song which is choosing to find a way out of your misery instead of taking the easy way out. (Suicide)