The Monsters in the Closet

It was a pretty good transition from human to monster overall. I know it was on purpose but it was completely lacking in detail, but I liked it that way.

I'm kind of new to poetry in general. Haven't read much of it. What format would you call this story altogether? I don't know the prose or grammar, it's new to me.

I always love a little twist at the end. I hardly ever see italics in poetry which is nice of you to add. Im no grammer nazi so i think your style is quiet nice. Uneven staza lengths add to the trasformation of the monster. Your Pronoun trasition was almost unnoticable which is good when wanting a surprise.


I wrote a similiar "monsters in the clostet" theme peom if you would be so kind as to check it out

Gosh, this is creepy. I wasn't expecting that, and it's a very interesting, original plot twist - I've never read anything quite like this before. Overall, I love the idea, and how you approached it in writing. I almost thought it was going to be a love poem at one point, because of the wording, but then something else happened altogether! I love the ending, especially.

Criticism

Nitpicky things -

I heard them last night

The monsters in the closet.

They speak to me, those monsters

Begging me to open the door,

They scare me,

The way the talk about us humans

They walk around with me,

And tell me how delicious you are,

And how soft your skin must feel.

Their voices aren't scary anymore,

They help me sleep at night,

And aid me in my daily routine.

I've been changing, they tell me

Getting stronger,

And eyes like theirs

Beady and bright,

So tell me friend,

I really dug this.

I dug the dictation of the cycle of "monsterhood"; the evolution of the narrator from tormented child into the very thing which had tormented him/her in the first place. And in such a darkly seductive way.

And it's so simple! It's not cripplingly forced in language or device -- it's refreshingly, alluringly natural. So many diamonds crushed from the crisp coal of your delivery.

Despite some discrepancies (i.e the jump from "last night" to sometime "lately" doesn't add up in a chronological sense with all the changes he's described and the pace to them which you've subtly set), I thought this was an enchanting piece.
Even better, I think it might have been inspired itself by the popular "monsters inside us" quote floating around on the internet -- a personal favorite of my own, actually.


I would LOVE more from you, bro.

-Max

Here as promised! Welcome to YWS!

Repetition is usually something I'm against--which makes me a hypocrite, I suppose--but the repetition here really contributed to the meaning. I was on the edge of my seat the whole length of the poem!

It's also a unique idea, writing a poem from the perspective of the monster. Usually you see poems written from the perspective of the children. Not to mention that you did it well! The style displayed here fits the theme; each clause was short, yet lengthy enough to encourage me to read on.

I agree with Moo about the last stanza being one of (if not) the best. It tied it all together very well.

You've left me with practically nothing to criticize.

They scare me,
The way the talk about us humans

How delicious we smell,
How soft our skin must feel

And lately...

Oooo! I love it! This can be very inspiring if you want to write something dark or twisted. I love it!!!

Whoa, this definitely is a creepy poem. Do not read this to children. It's like one of their worst nightmares to know that monsters exist and to find out they can transform them is even more creepy. The transformation of the person into a monster made think whether this person had always been a monster and if he/she wanted to be one in the first place.

The very last stanza's wording is totally awesome: "So tell me friend..." The part about the monster calling the reader a friend is totally creepy. Perhaps the body it took over was once a person's friend, but he's been taken over by some weird, monster force.

It reminded me of possession or being zombified (I'm a Walking Dead fan by the way). Once your friend gets turned into the monster, there really is no way of getting them back mostly because they aren't them anymore. It's like making the choice between letting your zombie dog live or shooting him in the head. If you open the door, you know that you'll be opening it for the monster, not for your friend, because your dog is now the monster. But that also shows that you have some hope in your dog, like maybe he'll come back. It's a huge dilemma.

I also thought of the monsters in a metaphorical view. Like, perhaps the monsters were some challenging thing of the narrator's past that he doesn't want to acknowledge, like perhaps he was an alcoholic or a gangster and recently he's given that up but the monsters keep coming back for him, beckoning him to come back. That's another view of it.

This poem is multi-faceted, most poems are, but this one has particularly cool angles. I like that!

One quick thingamajig, it's a grammar thing. I believe the following line is supposed to be written like this:

"And lately,

I['ve] hear[d] them outside the bedroom."

But do what you want, I might be wrong, and it's your stuff. This is just my opinion. Good job!