The gears turn incessantly
Pausing for no one.
Not time, nor life
or death.
Each golden gear gleams
inside the clock,
a soft click click
as they move the hour dial.
The clock maker,
so lost,
so irrevocably hypnotized
finds the meaning of life in each
cuckoo,
each
ding dong
when the hour strikes.
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139,353 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Greetings... lets see...Milanimo. Nice to see you have written a poem.
I found this poem had a particularly good flow to it. I like how you ended each line and how the words moved into one another. You didn't resort to the clichéd rhyme schemes you often find but it also maintained a constant rhythm, much like a clock itself, which helped covey the poem quite well.
You were not quite constant with your punctuation and capitalization, for example
End of sentence? Start of sentence? Comma? Personally I think a semicolon would work best here, as such
Here you write nor and or.
Stick to either nor or or, not both here. I think that using or for both of them would be technically correct, but I know I am a hypocrite and like the word nor a little much, so I just think being consistent would work better here.
I'm not sure if its just me or if you need another comma here. Maybe something to look into and get a second opinion on? Ahg, I am so terribly rusty at poetry, it has been forever. Forgive me.
Finally
Hour dial didn't work as a noun for me here, and you also used hour at the end of the poem. It didn't really work in the first instance and I got a bit confused, it was until I went back three times I realised dial was supposed to be a noun and it made sense.
Happy poetry.
For a moment the title made me wonder, what is it about? but the moment i started reading The gears turn incessantly
Pausing for no one.
Not time, nor life
or death.
I just loved the concept and idea of the poem.
The Concept is nice and so is the description.
I liked the following lines:
The clock maker,
so lost,
so irrevocably hypnotized
finds the meaning of life in each
cuckoo,
each
ding dong
when the hour strikes.
The only thing i'l like to add is to put in more punctuation marks, as for a short poem or poem of this length, they add more to the meaning and power of words.
For a moment the title made me wonder, what is it about? but the moment i started reading The gears turn incessantly
Pausing for no one.
Not time, nor life
or death.
I just loved the concept and idea of the poem.
The Concept is nice and so is the description.
I liked the following lines:
The clock maker,
so lost,
so irrevocably hypnotized
finds the meaning of life in each
cuckoo,
each
ding dong
when the hour strikes.
The only thing i'l like to add is to put in more punctuation marks, as for a short poem or poem of this length, they add more to the meaning and power of words.
Instead of 'Pausing for no one.' I might put 'no thing' because you then go on to list things that the gears aren't pausing for so this would be more consistent.
It's very interesting in a confusing way that you say they're not pausing for time. Generally, the gears represent time, and it kind of leaves the reader at a loss for what the gears are supposed to represent. What else turns incessantly, pausing for nothing? Do you mean that the clock maker is caught up in his work that his work will stop for nothing and no one? That he finds the meaning of life in each relatively insignificant development of his job? I like this interpretation. I love the amount of meaning you captured in such a short poem.
"Each golden gear gleams" Love the alliteration.
There should be a comma after incessantly I think. Of course, poems are a bit looser on grammar, but if you don't have a good reason why there's not, you might want to consider it.
I love that the last line is 'when the hour strikes.' It seems so violent, like the watch maker was just sitting there, working and working and working and then he died suddenly and had done nothing but worked and hadn't even realized he'd wasted his life.
I hope this review helped.
-tgirly