While the night was beautiful, and with my enhanced vision, I could appreciate that all the more, I was exhausted. Lore eventually came out halfway through the night, but sleeping in a tent with Ellie was way different then with Curse. She didn’t hug on me, she kept a respectable distance, there was nothing wrong with it. But it felt different, like I was sleeping somewhere I shouldn’t. Curse felt more like a kind older woman, so I somehow ignored it, but Ellie...
I didn’t sleep much at all, in fact it felt like the moment I closed my eyes, I was woken up by Lore shaking me. One of her rules. When hunting, don’t make too many loud noises.
Today is the day I am going to kill something. Right, I’ll prove it to these two that I can handle it. I’ve killed plenty in video games, and seen plenty of violent movies. Even if I can’t kill a person, a wild animal shouldn’t be too hard.
After hours of hunting through the empty valley we finally found something. The same creatures that lead me to Curse, Lore, Crux, and Quill. The same monsters who welcomed me to this world of fantasy. Those monsters that looked like massive kittens with saber teeth. The monsters this world called mad cats. As soon as we saw it, me and Lore prepared for our first fight, but before we could do anything Ellie raised a hand.
“Please stay still, milady, Miss Lore.” Ellie suddenly said, dashing forward at the mad cat. She didn’t dodge, she didn’t attack, rather in her full werewolf form she took the massive fangs of the creature head on. I was about to shout out when I noticed chunks of white fly off her. A crack like a stick breaking, and then a bang as she lifted the changing monster into the air and slammed it into the ground.
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Ellie repeatedly slammed the mad cat into the ground, one hand on its arm, and another on one of its saber teeth, which had broken through her repeated beatings. She didn’t kill it, instead she seemed to simply be knocking the daylights out of it. Repeatedly bashing its head into the dirt but never enough to draw blood.
After what felt like minutes of watching her ceaselessly beat the beast she finally stopped, turning back into a beautiful girl in a instant, even going through the effort to shift out those wolf ears.
“Ellie…”
“Milady, forgive me for being presumptuous, but I want you to properly understand your first kill. Is it okay if I handle it this way Miss Lore?”
“I always heard the werewolves had a interesting way of teaching, as long as you don’t go too far.” Lore said, hesitating.
“Understand?” I asked.
“First, I want you to come closer before you use your magic, milady.” Ellie waved me over to her.
“Why?” What does distance matter? I already decided on this Ellie. Even though I was questioning her, I still shuffled over to her. Moving closer and closer, as she waved me forward, until I was standing right beside the dazed mad cat.
“Because, I want you to understand something. Rather, milady, what do you consider a life?” In biology class I learned that science considers anything that reproduces, can adapt to their environment, are capable of growth, and so on. But if she means something more symbolic, I don’t know.
“...breathing?” Almost all living creatures breaths right? Sort of.
“Pft.” Lore, who had been quiet till now, did her best to hold back a laugh. Ellie’s emotionless face stayed the same, but those ears of hers were twitching. Even without her showing it on her face I can figure out her emotions!
Annoyed...
“Please take this serious milady, -though any answer would have done, as what you consider a life does not actually matter, it would only be true for you.”
“Then why did you ask?” I muttered, confused.
“What matters,” Ellie turned the dazed mat cats head to face me. “Is that you are taking away this creature's life, you are taking away this being's right to live for your own convenience.”
“Right…” I- I know that!
“So now, as you look this living being in the eye, as you hear it breath, watch it’s pain. I want you to kill it knowing the reality of what you are doing.”
“Isn’t that a bit too harsh for her first time killing something?” Lore spoke, concern and confusion etched in her voice.
“Milady is too kind, so it has to be done this way. Otherwise she will never be able to fight.” Ellie replied to Lore before staring me in the eye. “If you can not do it, I am happy to guard you. You do not have to stain your hands milady.”
“No. I said I would do this, so I will.” Confident as I tried to sound. All of that bravado I had built up over our search today had mostly disappeared through the brutality of that beating she had given the mad cat. I watched it suffer, and now I was asked to kill it. Rather than a fight, it was like I was asked to handle an execution. A defenseless creature in my reach to kill or spare, all depending on my will. I looked into the mad cats’ eyes, and watched it look back at me. The same species that had almost killed me only a few days before, this one was no different, attacking Ellie the moment it saw us.
Okay I can do this.
I lift my hand, the word, the spell hanging on my lips, only a few syllables to kill.
“Milady, do not close your eyes, accept what you are doing.” Ellie said. I hadn't even noticed that I had closed my eyes while thinking.
“Are you sure you can do this Mist? There are easier ways to handle this.” Lore pipped in.
“Humans are too eager to trivialize a life to make themselves feel better.” Ellie countered. Harsh.
“I can do it.” I shake my head and focus back on the mad cat. It was the first creature to welcome me to this world, and now I am going to send one off to the next. “Air Hammer.”
Bang!
I watched a fist size hole form, a hole carved with magic right through the mad cats’ head, breaking its way through the skull, before mashing up the creature's brain, before the mana in the spell was burnt out, the force slamming the monsters head into the ground. It was a gruesome sight. I always thought I was desensitized to this sort of thing. While I was never much into horror, the number of fake mutilated bodies I had seen on tv and in video games could easily number in the millions. Yet.
“Milady!” Ellie leaned forward, easily stopping me as I almost fell over, gagging. I could feel bile in my throat, but I held it in, but I couldn’t stop my weak legs. After a few seconds under Ellie's support I finally could hold my own weight.This was probably one of the more dramatic ways to learn how to kill something. But...
“Thank you.”
“Forgive my impudence, milady. I pressured you into th-”
“Ellie.” I cut her off with a hug. “Thank you.” I don't know how I am going to process all of this, how I am going to accept this reality of killing that I have pushed myself into. But if she didn't say all of that. Maybe I would have trivialized it, pushed the problem away as me killing mindless beast.
I don't want that.
“...Yes, milady.”
-----------------
Author's Note: I’ve gone hunting a few times. The first time I went, I kept closing my eyes when I fired the gun, I REALLY didn’t wanna see what I was killing, so I never actually hit anything. So my dad eventually gave me a pair of binoculars, and had me spot for him. He didn’t warn me when he shoot, so I was made to watch a small red hole appear like some horrifying magic on the poor deer's body. After I scared all the deer away with my yelling at him for being a jerk. He asked me the same question.
‘What do you consider a life?’
I want to see them start the hunt. I want to see what this hunt looks like before they encounter the monster. You don't need to give me every single little detail that happens, but I want a little more. Take me hunting with them, then throw me something scary. 
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