This is slightly different than anything I've written before, so critiquing is helpful!
A golden lining
on a black sun
is a special occasion
marveled at by many.
The past threw up their arms
to worship.
The present studies it.
The future will know
all of it's secrets.
It's dark eye watches
as all gaze up at it's glory,
it's immensity,
it's power.
The shadows upon
the humbled Earth
are stalking, eluding.
Yet the gentle ring of golden light
gives a light where there is darkness.
Generations will forever change;
history will be re-written.
But one thing will be the same;
The Solar Eclipse is here to stay.
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Canary word: Present
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140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
First of all: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WORKS BEING FEATURED!
You're making a feature spree! XD
Anyway, nitpicks:
- 'it's' should be 'its' here since you used it as a possessive pronoun, not 'it is'.
- I like how added this to the verse.
- The hyphen isn't necessary.
- I think it'll be more 'powerful' if you used a dash there, rather than a semicolon.
Awesome poem!
NEVER STOP WRITING!
I liked it... It's kind of different. Good work! (I'm no good at reviewing, so can't be of much help.)
hmmmm..... gimme some time to think... Okay, I would totally agree with Tommybear in saying that it is different and less compared to your other works... But yes if you have tried it for the first time then its well written... Thats all I would say... And I share favorites with Danielheart...
Harshita...
I actually just wrote this in Christology class out of boredom haha
I think I have lost all interest in this, and I'm going to replace it.
This is my favorite stanza you did and I like it. The poem is very different from the normal rhyming ones but I like the free verse. You did a good job, just pay attention to the transition and the meter. Good job, especially for a new style
OKay so i think you did a very good job here. However, judging by the amazing work you've produced in the past, i think it lacks a little luster to me. It didn't make me think as much as I thought it was going to with the name. The last line of the first stanza is a little cliche, I would say try and revise that using marveled and many in the same line is almost a definitive death sentence for cliche. I still like it, but maybe a revisit is needed.
The middle stanza sets up the poem, however, i think it could be more interesting. I think it could be more interesting and more investigative for the reader.
The last stanza is good but the ending doesn't send a message? I would relate the solar eclipse to emotions, love, or something in life that is forever lasting while our lives keep changing.
Matt you are a great writer, (i mean 4 featured works in a week! holy cow!) but I think this could use some work. It's not quite on your normal level, just my opinion.
Overall, good job. I love your work!
Tommybear