Dear Matthew,
The girl you truly love
doesn't know the real you.
But the worst of it all;
I don't think that even you do.
You're putting on a front
for others to see,
while inside you're screaming,
"Why don't you love me for me?"
The smile slowly faded,
and your eyes turned to grey.
The boy I knew before,
is not the man I see today.
Your heart is a shell
of what it used to be.
You used to love everyone;
you used to love *me*.
Your friends all think you've changed,
and you use girls for self-gain.
But you just tell yourself,
"It's not true, it's okay."
A drug addicted father,
and an alcoholic mom;
Now I see why, on the inside,
you were never that strong.
Everyone you thought you loved,
and everyone you thought you trusted,
turned around to stab you,
with a knife that was rusted.
Now that you've heard,
all I had to say,
you can look at yourself,
and see you think the same.
Please write back
when you realize who you are.
And never forget,
that we really aren't that far.
Love,
Someone that misses the real you.
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi Matt. I'm going to have to break the streak of praise on this one. I'm guessing that the fact that you're posting here means that you want to improve, and although this is better than some of your previous works, there's still plenty you can do to strengthen your writing. The style and language you use in your writing suggest that you're just beginning to scratch the surface of the poetry world. The best thing I can suggest to move deeper into writing is to read as much poetry as you can, so there will be some links in this review to things that I think can help you. I obviously can't force you to follow those links and read them, but I strongly suggest that you do. It's all a matter of whether you want to get better or not.
Alright, let's dive in.
The language you use is pretty basic, which makes the poem seem very flat and gray. Try to incorporate more imagery into your poem that will give the reader something to grab hold of. It's your job to build a scene in the reader's head, and right now all you're giving is abstractions. For example:
You can say "your heart is a shell of what it used to be", but that doesn't do much for me mentally. Partially because the language is bland, but also because I don't know why or how your heart is a shell of what it used to be. It's just this idea floating off in space because it has nothing grounding it and giving it meaning.
Now, when I say that your language is basic, I'm not saying that you need to use a ton of big, fancy words. I'm saying that you need to find a way of using the language that will convey what you're saying in the most powerful and effective way possible. Take Lumi's Ivy Rose as an example. There aren't any words that you'll be searching through the dictionary to define, but the language is hardly basic. The images and description he uses give the poem structure and emotional power.
I'd also like to see you try moving away from rhyming your poems. There's absolutely nothing wrong with rhyming in poetry, but it's an extremely difficult thing to do effectively and requires an excellent command of language. For right now, I think forcing yourself to do some non-rhyming poetry will benefit you by freeing you up in your word choice.
My last suggestion for you is to slow down. You jump quickly between topics without ever truly developing them. Example:
There's enough emotional content in that situation for a whole series of poems, but here you give it a couple lines and then move on, and because you jump to it and back away from it so quickly, its emotional impact is greatly reduced. Don't be afraid to linger on one topic and build off of it. Everything in your poetry should make sense and have clear relevance. This section just left me wondering because it refused to dive deeper into its subject. Readers want detail, they want a backstory. Don't leave them hanging with undeveloped ideas.
Take a look at Kaitlin's anno domini. Do you see how the metaphor of a lover's body being a religious object unfolds throughout the entire poem and comes to a conclusion at the end? If you build strong connections between your ideas in the meat of the poem, then everything will be a lot more likely to make sense at the end.
Matt, your success on this site clearly shows that you're able to connect to an audience, but I hope you don't let that success push you into being stagnant. Push yourself away from doing what's comfortable and recognize that the harshest reviews are the ones that you learn most from. If you do that, your ability to connect to others through your writing will only grow.
Best wishes,
Shade
My favorite line, which I'm sure you've heard more than once:
It's a very touching stanza. I enjoyed this one.
However, I must point out how... stiff your word usage is. Trying branching out, using more complex words. It will allow the poem to flow that much better.
~Panda;;
Absolutely adored this poem. I really admired the orignality in this piece. I can see the true emotions in this poem, but i can also see the self conflict, which is more rare. This piece is defintly a 10/10.
This is a beautiful poem. The emotion and meaning is deep. I am sorry that I can't say any origanal compliment awsome because everyone seems to have the same idea. this poem looks into me and tells me that I too, dont know me either. i think we all need to get to know ourselves more. Keep the writing up. You have what it takes
A letter to yourself. Wow, Matt, your writing continues to amaze me! It's extremely well-written, and laced through with emotion and secrecy. It's great because it's one of those inner-battle pieces, which I am a fan of. Nobody knows us like ourselves, that's very true.
I also must say I love the fact that you referred to yourself and yourself as "we". It's very artistic. When I read this poem, I picture someone standing in front of a mirror, reading a letter. On the other side of the mirror, their reflection is saying the poem aloud to them, speaking like they are talking to someone else. It's extremely thought-provoking. Bravo, truly, bravo!
Keep up the good work, congrats on being featured!
~BTM
I was feeling pretty damn confident about commenting on this one. Had all these great things to say. Then I scrolled all the way down the page and saw the millions of comments this had. So in order to not sound like much of a broken record, here's my comment:
(trying to keep it "family friendly", can't use the real line. Already said damn.) 
This poem sounds like it fell out of the awesome tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Put that in your bubble pipe and blow it
Anyway! --Keep up the good work, Matt. I'll be looking out for more of your stuff. No doubt it's guarunteed to be in the featured works section. Seems to be your new home, and I can definately see why. Love the poem. x)
This has so many emotions coming from it - it really is an amazing piece. A little bit sorrowful, but perhaps some hope is there too? I really love this, it is well-done and brings out a lot of feelings. I think all your poetry is great - you are really talented! I think the very end - someone that misses the real you - is wonderfully done. It adds a really nice touch. Also, the fact that you're writing to yourself really gives the poem a lot more meaning. It almost brings out the idea that there is someone trapped inside you - the real you - who see yourself putting on a front, but can't do anything except to write this letter. Anyways, the whole poem is just really deep. There are many ways it can be interpreted.
When I read this it seemed real. I put two and two together with MattLangg and dear Matthew. I think the fact that the letter was to yourself was the part that really put this over the top. Otherwise it is good but lacks a certain spark that the self-letter added to it. I really enjoyed this. Overall good job and cant wait to read more of your material.
-_Writer_-
hey Matt,
This poem was really brilliant!!!:) And the idea of a letter to yourself was what made it exceptionally good... And the emotion is so deep and clear that one can feel what you must have felt when you wrote it...
These are my favorite paragraphs!!! Excellent job!!:D
That is a good idea, a letter to yourself. Genius.
I've read this over and over again at least 8 times Matthew.
I absolutely, without a doubt, love it, more than anything you've ever written.
I've cried everytime i've read it. And poetry generally doesn't do that for me.
Maybe it's just because you and i are so close, but this is... so real, so tangible and emotion-ridden, and true.
And the expression and all around idea of it is so inspiring and refreshing...
Don't change anything about it - I give it 1129 stars.
I Love You <3
Wow, this is great. I have to tell you the truth. I am not a particular fan of your poetry. I mean, it was good and all, but I could never feel you as a poet. In this, I could truly feel you. That means you did a great job. I rate this a 4.5/5.
-WU
It's a letter to myself.
When you get a short review, you know that you have done well. I assume this is a friend you speak to? It's quite bittersweet. Almost as if you are weary of the changes, saddened by your loss, and hopeful for a reunion. I like how you speak as as if talking to a friendly stranger, expressing your emptions but careful of what to say. All in all, a good poem. Keep it up!
I can feel the emotions coming through. It's neat that you used a letter to form this poem. I like how you ended it with "Someone that misses the real you." The rusted knife, those lines are my favorite. I think it's good. I'd fix some punctuation, but that's it. I would also add more imagery to it. Maybe he doesn't smile like he used to or his eyes are dull and don't contain that light it once had. I would add imagery into how he used to be and compare it to know. Otherwise good job.
I can feel the emotion from this poem, no lie. Where did you get the inspiration?